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ApologetiX #fundie apologetix.com

The Real Sin Savior
Parody of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem
(Rom. 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:20, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9, 13, Ps. 51:5, 17, John 8:36, 1 Timothy 1:15)

May I have your repentance please? May I have your repentance please?
Will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up?
I repeat: will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up?
We're gonna have to prod them here

Y'all act like you never seen a nice person before, you oughta hope in the Lord
Your panting tongue is just thirstin' for more
You started lookin' around searchin' cause you're
Uncertain you're sure you know where you're goin' eternally
If you return to God ... ah, wait, no, wait, we're sinning
We couldn't get saved with the things we did, can we?
And Dr. J. says -- nothing you did is such a grave sin it costs you salvation
Ha Ha — Heavenly livin’s above every man
"Chick-a-chick-a-chick-a he's crazy! I'm sick of them ‘born agains’
Walkin' around askin' if you know God — speakin’ of You Know Who
Yeah, but there's no proof though"
Yeah, probably got a couple of you who think I lack proof
But no worse than what's goin' on in America's classrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just spread the truth
But can't -- but the school can tell me we come from evolution
"My mama was a fish -- my mama was a fish
"And if we're monkeys you might as well forget original sin!"
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to question on their own if God exists
Of course they're gonna wonder if the Lord's fake by the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Easter Bunny and Santa don't they? We ain't shinin' examples
Well some of the scandals are caused by people posin' as evangelists
But if Jesus loved His enemies and Pharisees
Then there's no reason that you can't get another chance and believe
But if you feel a slight chill, I got the anti-freeze
This is not a fantasy, it's important and it's free
I've sinned greatly, but Christ's for real, baby
It's a wonder He saved me and just didn't hate me

So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Yes, I've been crazy, yes, I've been real shady
Always wanted Him to save me, but just didn't say it
So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta discuss the Christian path to salvation
Well, I do -- it affects him and affects you too
You think I give a care of he likes my parodies
Half of you kiddies won't even look at me, let alone stare at me
But J., what if we pray? Wouldn't we be weird?
Why? Would you guys reject Christ just to fit with your peers
So you can live in fear for the next 60 years? This ain't imaginary, better get prepared
The price of sin yes it costs us dearly with death first
And when that part is over if you ain't saved it gets much worse
Little chance they'll put me now on MTV
Yeah, it's true, but I think he'd scare all the kids -- ree ree!
I said now's when they oughta know and John 3:3
It shows the whole world how they need born again to be free
I'm singin' you little girls and boys spoofs -- all you do is ignore me
Though I have been sent here to inform you
And there's a million of us just like me you judge like me
Were just like triple fudge ice cream; we're just quite sweet
You watch Saul in Acts 9:3, you just might see you're just like him, you're not fightin' me
I've sinned greatly, but Christ He still saved me
From a hundred temptations and death, sin and Hades

So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Yes, my sinned shamed me, yet I've been healed lately
God the Father forgave me from messin' with Satan
So won't you tell Him "Save me," please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

I'm like a breath mint you listen to but I'm only givin' you
Things you thought about in your head with my religious group
The only difference is I got the call to say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be Paul -- the Book I quote has it all
I just get out a Bible and read it and whether you like it you need it
As sure as I can see that better than 90 percent of you happen to doubt me
Then you wonder how can kids give up their values I tell you it's funny
Cause at the place I'm goin' when I'm buried
I'll see the only person in the world I know who’s worthy
He's the first and last and I'm J. Jackson I'm the worst
And I'm a jerk and Jesus knows that but my braggin' wasn't workin'
And every single person needs a sin savior urgently
You could be working on a burglary or sittin' in a nunnery
Or keepin' part of the law perfectly screamin' "I don't sin that much"
Puttin' Christians down sayin' "It's just a crutch"
So if you're still waiting please stand up 'cause this wonderful singer's time is eaten up
And it's time to get off your behind and out of the row
Come on down -- now is your chance -- how do I know?

CHORUS

I guess there’s a sin Savior for all of us – Let’s all stand up

ApologetiX #fundie apologetix.com

The Atheists
Parody of "The Way it is" by Bruce Hornsby and the Range
(Psalm 14:1-7, 42:3, 42:10, 53:1-6; Romans 1:18-32)

Stranded in lies, mocking Christ
They ignore the telltale signs
Say they can’t find a God
A man with the real truth hurt their pride
So they dragged Him to court on the day He died
They made fun and said, “Where’s your God?”

That’s just the Atheists
Some things will never change
That’s just the Atheists
Ah, but don’t you believe them

Said, hey, little boy, you can’t go tell another soul
‘Cause your old book’s not a-pproved
Said, hey, old man, how you can you stand to chain my faith
Did you really feel so challenged, because I prayed in school?

That’s just the Atheists
Some things will never change
That’s just the Atheists
Ah, but don’t you believe them

Well, they pass their laws and fix the courts
To help those who hate God a little more
And I know they’ve gone too far
But a law don’t change the Word of God
You can punish me with a firing squad, with the lions or another cross

That’s just the Atheists
Some things will never change
That’s just the Atheists
Ah, but don’t you believe them

Romans 1:28
Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.

ApologetiX #fundie apologetix.com

[ApologetiX are a Christian parody band. These are the lyrics to one of their songs, a parody of the Dire Straits song "Money or Nothing]

"Monkeys For Uncles"

I want my missing links ...

"Now look at them Dodos" – that's the way they view us
They claim that Christians are a dead species
Then they worship – macroevolution
Monkeys for uncles in your history
Now, that ain’t workin' – after we refute it
Then they tell you – that the Bible’s dumb
Maybe then your sister was a ring-tailed lemur
Maybe then a lizard was your mum
They've got to insult us to sway others
Because they're missin' the missin' links
They've got to lose the Originator
They've got to prove these other theories

That little maggot with the earwig and the stinkbug
They're buggies, but listen here
That little maggot could become an X-man
That little maggot needs a billion years
They've got to insult us to sway others
Because they’re missin’ the missin’ links
They've got to use their imaginations
They've got to prove these other theories

Sure they mean well ...
Huh?

They've got to insult us to sway others
Because they’re missin' the missin' links
Get God removed from the situation
They've got to prove these other theories

They should've learned they're playin' with fire
They could get burned, but they get numb
Look at that drama they got from trickin' us with Java Man
Ain't that guy handsome?
And what's up there? What's that?
Why's that annoy us?
There ain't no right and wrong -- we're like the chimpanzees
Oh, that ain't workin' -- macroevolution
Monkeys for uncles in your history

Oh, that ain’t workin' – that’s the way I view it
I beg to differ on your empty theory
That ain’t workin' – that’s no way to prove it
Get your monkeys for uncles in your history
Monkeys for uncles – history
Monkeys for uncles – missing links

I want my, I want my, I want my missing links
I want my, I want my, I want my missing links
Romans 1:21
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.