Everything I Know About Women

I was sitting in a coffee shop when a young man came up to me. “Are you Roosh?” he asked.

“Yes I’m Roosh.”

“I want to be good with women. Please teach me everything you know.”

I said, “Before I teach you everything I know, I want you to prove to me that you will commit to my teachings. Go on the internet, find a couple pickup lines, and approach 100 women. Then come back and tell me how it went.”

One month later he came back.

“Roosh I did the 100 approaches. Some of them went okay but I usually ran out of things to say. I didn’t get laid. So I’m ready now for you to teach me everything you know.”

“Before I teach you everything I know, I want you to go read 30 books. They can be about anything. Then come back to me and tell me which books you read.”

He came back six months later. He told me about the books he read and the interesting things he learned from them. He showed me his new e-reader and mentioned how reading has become somewhat of an addiction for him.

“Okay Roosh I did the 100 approaches and read the books. Now can you teach me everything you know?”

I said, “I will be more than happy to, but you don’t look healthy. Your body is soft. Go read Starting Strength, follow the program to the letter, and come back to me in 3 months.”

When he came back again, his walk had more bounce and his muscles were bigger. I noticed he also got a new haircut.

“Okay Roosh I did the 100 approaches, read the books, and can now deadlift 250 pounds. I feel more confident. But can you just teach me everything you know about picking up women?”

I said, “Sure thing. But first I want you to do all three levels of the Pimsleur language program in Spanish. Then I want you to go to Colombia for two weeks to practice the language.”

“Jesus Christ Roosh! How is that going to help me with women?”

“You want me to teach you everything I know about women, right?” I said.

“Yes I do, but it will take a long time to learn Spanish and save the money for a trip. I just want to learn how to get laid like you. I mean, I don’t even know where Colombia is.”

“Just do what I tell you to do, and I will teach you everything I know.”

He came back nine months later and greeted me in decent Spanish. He told me a lot of fun stories about Colombia, including how he had a little fling with Maria, a girl he met while asking for directions in Medellin. “When I was in Colombia I heard a lot of guys hyping up Brazil, so I started learning Portuguese. It’s not so hard because the languages are similar. But anyways I still want you to teach me everything you know about women.”

“You got it. But there’s just one last thing I want you to do. Go do 100 more approaches. Then I promise you that when you come back, I will teach you everything that I know.”

Three months later he came back to the coffee shop. Behind him was a pretty girl.

“Hey Roosh this is Rebecca. I met her in the grocery store and we’ve been going out for two months.” When she stepped out to make a phone call, he said, “Roosh you’ve been very helpful to me. I’ve grown a lot in the past couple years and can barely recognize myself in the mirror, but I’m finally ready for you to teach me everything you know about—”

Suddenly he stopped and stared at me. A smile formed on his face. He gave me a strong handshake and then left with his girl. I never saw him again.