Lighthouse #fundie

Lighthouse #fundie theologyonline.com

No! You idiot! You don't give them condoms! And if they ever do have sex, after being told not to, and given the reasons to wait until marriage, then you spank them! Do you really not get this?!

And if they have questions as to why they should wait, you answer them. And if you don't have an answer, open your Bible! Maybe you'll learn something.

52 comments

old comment by Captn Bob

Ok. Something's been bothering me here for a while, my fellow heathens. What, exactly, is meant by "poe?" I've done some research on this, and I haven't been able to find out what it stands for. I hate not being "in" on the game. So, let me in! You f*ing whores of Satan who are doomed to spend eternity licking up your spilled bowels for whatever moisture they might have to wet your utterly worthless vile-spilling god-hating tongue before that appendage too is ripped from the base of your mouth by savage demons smelling of the pit of Hell which you have so graciously earned to spend your time for all eternity while having demons poke and prod your nether regions while farting in your general direction and peeling your skin from the bones that should have knelt down and worshiped the Glorious Lord God on High because he's insecure and NEEDS your praise while ruling over the entire Universe as it inevitably spins ever so slowly into oblivion and he has to deal with the likes of YOUR petty mind to answer questions like what is the meaning of "poe?" It's not fair!

old comment by Captn Bob

old comment by NecroVMX

Captn Bob:

Similar to Murphy's Law, Poe's Law concerns internet debates, particularly regarding religion or politics.

"Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

In other words, No matter how bizzare, outrageous, or just plain idiotic a parody of a Fundamentalist may seem, there will always be someone who cannot tell that it is a parody, having seen similar REAL ideas from real religious/political Fundamentalists.

The following is an actual Internet post to Biblically defend a flat Earth:

"All I was saying was that either the earth is flat, and the bible is correct, or the earth is round, and the bible is incorect, i'm going to study the issue more and deside for myself which route I want to take. Either Atheist evolutionist, who agrees with all of mainstream sciences, or flat earth litteral bible believer.
I'm leaning toward being an atheist, because if I can't believe the bible to be completly litteraly true, then I can't believe Jesus when he speaks about heaven, etc..
That would make the moon landing a fake, and pretty much all of modern science false..."

Response:

"That's it, I'm claiming Poe's Law on this guy."

old comment by Anonymous

I don't know what's weirdest. That this guy thinks that people who are physically mature enough to have their own children can be spanked(?)or the fact that he doesn't realise that spanking is not going to disuade them, let alone prevent pregnancy or STDs. Moreover, the Bible method is useless. Not only in the OT most of his characters have and approve premarital sex(when performed by a male, that's it)but also, in the NT, they don't even mention once contraconceptive methods or family planning(natural or not). Moreover, never addressed specifically to teenage sex because there were no teenagers, that is, unmarried people between 12 and 20 years old. If we don't live like in the biblical times, is ridiculous to expect to find an answer in a book address to such society.

old comment by Trovore

Hmmm your teenager does something you don't approve of so you beat them. Good call. Try this instead:

Sit little Johnny or Suzie Hormones down at the dining room table (should have done this long BEFORE they started having sex but better late than never) and explain in frank terms the risks, protection, and your expectations as a parent for them. That will probably make more of an impression on them than being beaten will. And hey they might even listen to you if you tell them about abstinence. ...WELLLLLLLLLLLLL...probably not but at least they'll know about how to stay out of trouble. And if they do get into trouble they'll be more likely to come to you for help instead of running the other way from fear of physical abuse.

Lighthouse #fundie theologyonline.com

52 comments

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