DEAR MARGO: We have one grandson to carry on the family name, and he refuses to find a wife. We've explained to him that it's the Lord's plan that we all marry and that he's cheating some poor girl out of her special day, but the boy will not listen. We've heard that Native Americans have arranged marriages. My husband is one-quarter Cherokee. How would we go about arranging a marriage for our grandson?
31 comments
I loved Margo's response:
Without wishing to add to your concerns, it may be that your grandson is gay . I suggest you drop the subject in the name of family harmony.
--- MARGO, UNATTACHEDLY "
A cousin of mine got married recently, and the reigning elderly aunt in the family asked me when I was getting married. She didn't mean to hurt, I'm sure, but it was an incredibly insensitive and stupid comment. I'm not gay (I'm not completely straight, though), but I have chronic depression and severe social anxieties. I'm also chronically unemployed. Apart from the fact that I'm not quite ugly, I'm not a catch in any meaningful sense of the word, and the only women who are attracted to me are either crazy, not my type, or simply don't know that much about me. (I'm a perv with a wandering eye anyway, so any woman who would settle for me would not only have to be extremely patient but probably poly as well.) Believe me, I'm not depriving some poor girl out of anything -- the kinds of women I'm interested in can do way better than me without even looking around.
So if someone in my family tried to arrange a marriage for me, I'd be extremely offended to begin with, not to mention I'd wonder what the hell they had against the woman they hooked me up with. This grandmother is a moron.
Uh, maybe some NAs do, but they're not, y'know, all one big culture...
Dear Concerned Grandmother. I don't know what part of your letter is more hilarious. That you think that carrying the family name is more important than the happiness of your grandson, who is, after all, the one who has to marry and be happy. Why don't you adopt a baby boy, if you have so much interest?. Second, if the Lord's plan is marrying, I will have a hard time explaining what on earth was St Paul doing. Or Jesus, for that matter. Of course your son will not listen. Why on earth is he harming a girl he doesn't even know?. That girl will marry somebody else, if she has interest. Or she'll appear following GOd's command and he won't but marry her. Or following your logic, he's not marrying because some girl refuses to marry, who knows. Why aren't you adopting kids not to spoil their special day, following your reasoning?. But the best is your equating race with culture which, to begin with, is not even static. Who are you going to arrange that marriage with, disregarding the rest of the 3/4 of white in your husband?. Have you ever considered the feelings of that girl who is supposedly screwed?. And if it doesn't work, will you convert to Islam or Hinduism, following, again, your stupid reasoning?
I think if a family member tried to set up an arranged marriage for me I'd, frankly, cut that member of my family out of my life for good. Considering a line of action such as this sets up grounds for severe estrangement and is morally reprehensible.
If this kid is an adult, then you're shit out of luck Granny. If he's not...then all I can say is WTF?
I think that this lady is confusing arranged marriage by Indians in India with Native Americans. As far as I'm concerned, they don't exist in their community. That would explain, on the other hand, why statistics shows that 48% of Native American men and 53% of Native American women marry outside their group( so it's unlikely this customs prevails). This lady should wonder too, that if her husband is only 1/4 Cherokee must be because her granmother in law or grandfather in law married outside their group and so did their children, so the custom, if existed, died with them. And she should think too that arranged marriages imply a whole network to enable them to find a suitable wife, which can't be made up the day after it is decided, let alone if they want to marry off a person who is only 1/16 connected to the community. And it needs the total colaboration of both the person and the immediate family to succeed, not the whims of a person belonging to a previous generation, who may not be aware of problems such as incompatibility, unemployment, etc....... Indians have arranged marriages, yes, but you're not likely to convert Hinduism, apparently.
"How would we go about arranging a marriage for our grandson?"
First, move to a heathen country . . .
"How would we go about arranging a marriage for our grandson?"
Well, I think getting his agreement and approval will be the tough part.
You evil old cunt.
Reminds of a Dear Abby/Ann Landers letter from years ago.
The letter writer was horrified, horrified I tell you that a gay couple had moved in near her, and closed with "what can I do to make my neighborhood a better place?"
The response was quite simple: "You could move."
My family name will probably disappear after my generation, unless my youngest brother and his wife have any kids in the future. That's their business, however, I won't even ask them about it. I, an involuntary childless person, know what it might be like to be asked that question constantly.
What is this about a bride and her special day? Firstly; oughtn't the day to be special for the groom as well? Secondly; it's the marriage that ought to be special, stupid, not just one measly day.
Aren't there quite a number of different tribes of Native Americans? It might not be the Cherokees that have arranged marriages. That's as stupid as saying Europeans have blond hair.
If your grandson is adult, you can't force him into a contract without his consent. If he's not an adult, he's not allowed to enter into a contract. You have to move to a country with little or no human rights, and somehow get him to move with you. Best of luck with that!
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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