"I will walk on water, as jesus did!"
'Hmmm. My feet have broken the surface, ankles getting wet. Maybe god is waiting to see how serious I am about this.'
'Okay, up to my knees now, I guess I could walk on my knees on the water, the bible doesn't specifically say how jesus did it.'
'Alright, up to my armpits now, still not rising up. I wonder how long this takes? Sheesh, everybody's watching, I better keep going.'
'Well, I'm underwater now. I should be ascending to the surface any minute now.'
'Wow. Unbelievably strong urge to take a breath. that would be bad though, must be the devil. Trying to tempt me. Away from this place, satan! The lord is with me!'
'Gosh, I can't even see the sun anymore. My feet seem to be stuck in the mud. Okay lord, not to rush you or anything, but I can't swim.'
'Man, I feel like I'm going to explode! Got to hold my breath, got to hold my breath, got to GASP.'
(crowd watches a spot in the water bubbling furiously then stopping)
Man in crowd: Huh. Well that was a letdown. Hey everybody, how about we all stop wasting our time and get real jobs? Maybe we can make a difference in this world instead of jerking off.
Woman in crowd: Yeah, you're right. You know, I suggested to him that he try to move a mountain with his faith first. I mean, if it didn't move, at least he'd still be alive.
Man 2: Shouldn't we get him out or something?
Man 3: He had a personal relationship with jesus. Let him do it.
(crowd slowly disperses)