[on contraception]
When the Master returns...what exactly will you say to Him to explain the fact that during by far the largest portion of your lovemaking through the years, your sword was sheathed, scrupulously kept from your lover’s womb?
75 comments
Because I didn't want to stab her and we only tried the kinky stuff a few times.
Oh, wait, does he mean... ooooh... well, still more or less the same.
Sorry, Jesus, I'll keep going to church and reading the Bible, but there is no way in hell I'm letting my partner shove a sword up there. Hey, we're into kinky things, but that's just a BIG no-no.
If you think that was bad, you should have been there the Sunday I visited and Bayly actually said, "The reason we have sin in the world is because Satan knew how to get to the weakest link, and that link was WOMAN. Therefore, women are to have no authority over men, because women are the weakest link to Satan and it is through woman that man was corrupted!"
Master, Master, where's the dream that I've been after;
Master, Master, you've promised only lies... </old Metallica>
Perhaps it would better to keep squeezing out puppies until none of them can receive proper health care? Maybe you want to see the mother increase her chances of dying during childbirth? Maybe you like the spread of STD's?
Besides, in accordance with the bible, I pounded my sword into a plowshare.
I'll tell Him I was trying not to over-populate the planet as we are running out of natural resources. I'm not copiously breeding like ol' Timmy here wants yet the world's numbers continue to grow at a geometric rate so the human race will continue on.
Actually, I'm just a selfish piece of agnostic shit who doesn't want to be personally or financially burdened by children. Isn't that what you really wanna hear, Timmy?
This made me laugh out loud and then sigh with the horror. The lunacy is palpable; what part of we have limited resources and not everyone wants to get knocked up for the whole of their reproductive life does this fool not understand? As i've mentioned before, my aunt came from a family of 19 siblings, most of whom died in early childhood and i'm certain her mother would have used the wonder that is effective contraception had it existed. What crap are you teaching your children?!?!?
I have a friend whose stepdad has a katana. He keeps it properly sheathed in front of a bunch of other stuff related to Judo.
I'm pretty sure her mom wouldn't like it if he tried to stuff his sword inside her.
I'd say "You only said we should love one another, you never said 'bareback'!", or perhaps "What sort of 'omnipotence' can't overcome a 50th of a millimeter of latex?", or maybe even "Considering how you were conceived of a virgin, you're on thin ice there, pal!"
Most likely I'd say "Holy crap, so I was wrong all along? Damn!"
"When the Master returns...what exactly will you say to Him to explain the fact that during by far the largest portion of your lovemaking through the years, your sword was sheathed, scrupulously kept from your lover’s womb?"
If you'd used a rubber johnny, God, when you were porking Mary, we would have never had to go through all this malarkey!
"Kept from your lover's womb"
You're probably one of these idiots that thinks the cervix is penetrated during intercourse. Can we get an "OW" all around? Furthermore, we do not need more children. We're already dependent on finite, petroleum based fertilizers. If we aren't weaned off that bad habit sooner or later, population control will become a rather sharp reality through starvation. Wrap your crap, kids.
I'd tell Him my husband's "sword" has not been sheathed for over ten years.
What's His explanation for us not having any kids yet?
The "sword" never enters the womb, stupid.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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