Dear Rebbetzin Feige,
I am 29. My husband and I love each other and share our Jewish life and ideals. But for the first two years of our marriage we decided not to have children. My husband was always traveling up and down the country for his job, and I followed him as much as possible. We said to each other we wanted a father to be present at home and a family to be more "sedentary" before having children.
Now he has been offered a position that requires more moving around over the next few years. It's a great opportunity, but this would mean having a further delay in trying to have kids (for at least the first year so we can settle down and organize our lives). We are afraid that we will decide too late. We usually think of a woman having career plans that may come into conflict with family plans. I never thought my husband's job could produce the same effects.
JZ
Rebbetzin Feige responds:
My dear reader, Your conundrum as to whether to proceed now or postpone having a baby in favor of a later date -- perhaps a more propitious time -- is, in one form or another, the stuff of life that requires perspective.
Clearly, the way we view the circumstances of our life can change from moment to moment. The fact that you have written indicates a desire on your part to get a handle on how to sort out the variables in order to find a reliable index of where things are really at.
Historically, when the children of Israel were ready to enter the promised land, the tribes of Gad and Reuven approached Moses requesting permission to settle on the east side of the Jordan where the land could support their extensive stock of cattle. Their request was framed in the following way: We shall build corrals for our cattle and cities for our children...then we will join forces with the rest of the nation to help them conquer the west side of the Jordan.
In his reply to them, Moses conceded but reversed the order of their request: "build cities for your children and then corrals for your cattle." They had prefaced provisions for their cattle first and for their children last. Moses corrected them and assigned top priority to the children.
At face value, this scenario is quite startling. Did members of the exalted 12 tribes really need reminding that children come before cattle?

The commentaries explain that their priorities were unquestionably intact and their intention was never to assign greater importance to their cattle than to their children. Their reasoning in seeking to settle their cattle -- their holdings -- first, was to secure a livelihood so that they might better provide for their children's future. Indisputably, the children were the overriding objective, but perhaps, they concluded, if they attended to the peripheral first and planned for everything, the context of their children's lives would be a better one.