A Guide To Weimerica

Bryce Lockwood is a straight white male who works at a university in a blue state and thus cannot use his real name. He writes, he lifts, he has skin in the game, and he lives at Ground Zero for Weimerica. He possess an ever-present sense of humor that would have seen him quip, “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!” had he been the SEAL that capped Bin Laden. He also has a masochistic streak that has expressed itself by climbing Mt. Tammany in the rain and reading the citation sections of various history books. He recently had to buy a new wardrobe as his waist shrunk from his workout and he just passed day 60 of the NF challenge. Friendly to stray dogs, hostile to stray thots.

“Weimerica,” an amalgam of Germany’s pre-Nazi era Weimar Republic, is a term you’ve probably heard in the past year if you’ve been active in the ongoing political maelstrom that is social media. Some alternatively call it “Clown World.” I prefer “Weimerica” as it more specific to what the United States has become recently and hints at a cataclysm yet to be.

This “guide” to Weimerica was written on the fly in-between back-to-back New England snowstorms, originally for an audience of one person. The genesis of this guide was the impending first-time visit to the US of a friend of mine from Lebanon. I wrote it not to show how bad things are, but instead to show how ugly things are. Not to frighten, but to inform on the many unpleasant realities that are all too quickly (and conveniently) forgotten about on a day-to-day basis. How indifference is the order of day despite the ever-tightening noose around the necks of most people.

So what is Weimerica, you ask? Read on and find out.

What is Weimerica?

Weimerica is—.

—homicides being up 20% from 2014 (equivalent in raw numbers to more than the September 11th attacks).

—the 17,250 confirmed homicides of 2016 being more than any other year since 1997 (when there were 18,208).

—66,324 drug overdose deaths in a 12-month period (the Vietnam War saw 47,434 hostile deaths over 15+ years).

—44,193 suicides in 2015, with suicides being at 30-year highs in 2016, and suicide being one of the top ten causes of death in Weimerica.

—23,000,000,000 views on Pornhub in 2016 (729 per second every single day non-stop for the whole year) with there being only 7,466,964,000 people on Earth.

—70% of Weimerica being on prescription medication with 20% being on more than five medications at once (and life expectancy still dropping).

—real income showing little to no gains for decades on end.

—being worse off financially than your parents.

—a decrease in the average household income in New Jersey from 2005 to 2015.

—everything being fleetingly temporary, you won’t have that long lasting job, house, car, marriage, etc., like your parents and grandparents did.

—nearly half of all pregnancies being unintended.

—Weimerica is a colossal, dystopian shopping mall filled with 325 million atomized, rootless individuals with no common culture, cause, language, religion or background, united only by their shared consumerism (“Did you see the Giants game last night?” “Oh my Gawd, Stranger Thingssss!”).

The Motto for Weimerica: “NO LIVES MATTER”

A seven-time convicted felon and five-time deportee fatally shoots an innocent passerby in the back with a stolen 40-caliber Glock handgun on a public pier? Acquitted.

A crying father begging for his life shot to death crawling on his hands and knees towards a SWAT team aiming AR-15s and screaming at him? Acquitted.

A bride-to-be gunned down in front of her house in her pajamas when a police officer sitting in his squad car suddenly draws and fires pointblank into her face? No charges.

22,000 attend a country music festival surrounded by high walls and patrolled by security guards and police officers in the most heavily surveilled city in the Western hemisphere? Gunned down by the score with total impunity in the biggest mass shooting of all time.

926,190 abortions in 2014, with an estimated 98.3% being elective (meaning unrelated to rape/incest and medical complications).
Everything Is Fake

Zillow.com and other real estate websites photoshop clouds, grass, and trees around properties and present them in a way that makes them appear much larger and more modern than they actually are.

These two pictures are of the same person:
[pictures omited]

Wall Street rating agencies graded $400 billion worth of subprime mortgage bonds without knowing what was in them, giving many of them the highest “AAA” rating (effectively making them rating agencies in name only).

The 5-star Mandalay Bay hotel in Las Vegas employed an unregistered, unlicensed illegal immigrant as a security guard.

Love To Hate

Everything being either “awesome,” “insanely good,” or “the best ______ ever,” or “shit,” “shitty,” or “the worst _______ ever,” with little to no middle ground and/or reasoned opinions. For example, the discrepancy in reviews for The Last Jedi and nearly every one of the 100+ reviews I read for the Ford Fusion being either “BEST CAR EVER” or “Should be recalled, WORST CAR EVER.”

Every piece of media being heavily and ridiculously scrutinized down to the last detail for any inane reason to hate it. For instance, one of the top comments on a YouTube video for “Shout” by the Isley Brothers accused the video’s author of not including enough black people dancing in his/her photo montage and further asserting that this lack of inclusion was deliberate.

Hating something because it is successful/popular just to go against the grain. For instance, actual “professional” reviews of Dunkirk being “Yeah, yeah, it was great, but why weren’t women the main characters?” and “Yeah, it’s good, but Christopher Nolan and his Nolaniods—.”

The hate-watching of TV shows (Keeping up with the Kardashians, Jersey Shore, etc.) propelling them to ultimate success.

Insane Anti-Social Atrocities Are The New Norm

4 out of the 5 worst mass shootings in Weimerican history took place in the past five years.

The worst mass shooting in US history (600+ gunned down) disappears from the news and thus collective consciousness in the space of a week.

The Sutherland Springs massacre (which featured babies being executed at pointblank range by rifle fire) disappears from the headlines within a day or two. This shooting would have ranked as the worst in Weimerican history as recently as 2007.

The mass shooting body count record for Weimerica was broken in 2017 a mere 15 months after the now-second worst mass shooting in Weimerican history occurred.

The firearms technology used in recent mass shootings has been around for decades, and gun laws as a whole have never been stricter and mental health resources have never been more available (remember 70% of the population is on prescription medication), so why is this happening now?

War Is The Default State

After 16+ years in Afghanistan and 14+ years in Iraq (and 6,935 total US deaths), war is the default state of Weimerica and no longer afforded special or notable status (in contrast, the major combat phase of the generation-defining Vietnam War was seven years).

0.4% of the population is active-duty military, meaning ~95% of the population most likely is not emotionally invested and/or cares minimally about whatever combat is/was taking place (or will take place).

The Everyday Absurdisms Of Weimerica

Prescription medication used to combat anxiety, depression, and suicidal/homicidal thoughts and actions causes anxiety, depression, and suicidal/homicidal thoughts and actions as a side effect.

A Rutgers University professor lamenting the Sandy Hook massacre so much that he made a YouTube video about it, but still believing in infanticide up to one year of age.

New Jersey has the highest paid police officers in the nation with an average salary of $100,000/year, but also has three cities in the top ten for “worst homicide rate” and those officers still have the right to shoot you to death if you don’t follow their conflicting orders to the letter while having a gun pointed at your head.

Parents working and saving money for twenty years to send their kids to college only for them to return home after graduation hating them, their country, and themselves in addition to being tens of thousands in debt.

One-fourth of graduates leaving college with a four year degree in hand are no better off than if they did not go to college at all from a wage perspective.

The maintenance staff at a college making more than most of the graduates of that college because they are unionized.

Consensual sex (“fuck me in the butt!!!”) being redefined as “rape” with such concepts as “enthusiastic consent” (Yes.=Rape, YES!=not rape), “continuing consent” (“ask every ten minutes if it’s okay to keep going”), and “affirmative consent” (“Can I hold your hand? Stroke your thigh? Whisper into your ear?”).

The wife of “American Sniper” Chris Kyle saying she married him because “he was a nice guy.”

“I do not care, I am a millionaire, I do not give AF.”

Some Classic Weimerican Quotes

“I was naked underneath my clothes.” ~A woman explaining her #metoo moment.

“CRAWL TOWARDS ME! IF YOU FALL, YOU BETTER FALL ON YOUR FACE!” ~A police officer’s reasonable and coherent order that must be obeyed upon penalty of death.

“He was turning his life around!” ~The classic family/friend lament of a dead victim/perpetrator with a less than stellar background.

“He changed into something he wasn’t.” ~The pathetic attempt of a high school chum of a mass shooter to cover up for the fact that he somehow missed what a psycho his friend was.

“Russian interference!” ~A viable excuse for anything and everything.

“The hoes are laughin’? YEP!” ~An exchange between a confused TV doctor and a 14-year-old aspiring female rap artist.

“He was COMPED!” ~The humblebrag of the coked up brother of a mass shooter/pasty.

“Stay in the car.”~A plea to do nothing and ignore the situation, whatever it may be.

When Did America Become Weimerica?

No firm answer, I first noticed it in the spring of 2009 when there was a constant stream of family murder-suicides and mass shootings, some of them recession related. Afghanistan also escalated that year (with death tolls doubling for both Britain and the US from the year prior) under the election promise of “I’ll get us out of Afghanistan, take that to the bank!”

Things really picked up steam in 2012 when large public mass shootings began occurring with increasing regularity, labor force participation hit a three decade low (meaning there was no economic recovery), and drug overdose deaths had already jumped 211% (in the Northeast) in comparison with 2010.