(Is anyone else thinking "lobotomy" here?)
A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?"
The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin." God picks you from the
78 comments
I heard this before, it was also a stamp on DA RejectedDreams faved.
I also find it ironic to see a fundie compare Christianity to Halloween.
Thanks for the creepiest mental image of the year ´O_o`
...
But are you really saying, that x-tians really are empty inside and the look on their faces (their apperence) is made up, fake?
Between the submitter's comment and the description itself, the first thing that popped into my head was a scene from The Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror XIX" last Sunday.
"The Grand Pumpkin" is on a rampage to avenge his fellow pumpkins, and is scooping out Principal Skinner's brain.
Skinner: "Is there a particular part of my brain you're looking for...?"
PUMPKIN = 17 points in Scrabble
CHRISTIAN = 14 points in Scrabble
Being a pumpkin is therefore better.
(Logic on that is about as good as Jadore's...)
"He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed."
Remove doubt? That could actually explain fundies. They have no doubt that they are correct, and no fear that they could possibly be wrong, so they turn into self-righteous, arrogant fools, refusing to ever rethink their beliefs.
@Athar:
Pumpkins are fruit. :P
Or, looking at it another way, is God Sylar? He won't go after us if we don't have superpowers, right?
Then he transforms the yucky stuff into a DELICIOUS PUMPKIN PIE! :D
Oh, and then you rot and he throws you away.
awwwww .....
i suspect there are kindergartners who might be impressed by that. hallmark card writers too.
"He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed."
Damn same that you need doubt, he plants brand spankin' new seeds of hate (just more precisely directed hate), and does a really poor job of removing the seeds of greed from the people that actually need it taken out. Poor God...guess he can't make every Jack O'Lantern a winner...
"Then He carves you a new smiling face"
Glasgow smiles are the best smiles. Also: "y so srs?"
Now... After you've scooped out your pumpkin, put the seeds aside.
Cut your pumpkin into eighths and brush the wedges with melted butter. Sprinkle LIBERALLY the wedges with ground nutmeg and cinnamon and place the pumpkin wedges on a baking sheet in an oven that has been pre-heated to 350 degrees.
Meanwhile, take the seeds and place them in a colander...
And if he doesn't like you then he just mashes you into tiny little pieces, makes pumpkin pie out of you (while you're still conscious), eats you, reconstitutes you back into a pumpkin again and then tortures you again.
Because you are a dirty little pumpkin and you deserve it. And if you don't deserve it then he will harden your heart and make you deserve it.
So...what you're saying, is God pulls you from your natural place in the world, cuts you open, pulls out everything that makes you viable, hollows you out, and leaves you as little more than a decorative shell. Yes?
HOLY SHIT..then you sit on the door step and slowly die as you rot into the night...not to mention the one in 3 chance of being smashed by a kid in the middle of the night.
Id rather be left in the field.
so, god is jason vorhees? who would compare religion to getting your head hollowed out and carved up and then getting a candle placed into it? if i did that at home id be locked up in a jiffy, but its cool when someone else does it
So, God also removes your brain, bones, organs, and muscles? That reminds of Jeepers Creepers.
So that's taken from your home, fondled, decapitated, guts removed through the neckhole, castrated, mutilated with a face image, lit on fire from the inside, and your corpse exploited to the world.
Sure sounds like fun!
Slugs and snails are after me
______________________________The Ramones
And you are thus a soulless shell with an idiotic, simplistic and permanent grin that shows your incapacity for independent thought. You have been mutilated and morphed into a cliche, entirely detached from your natural self. In a few weeks, you will begin to rot and the stench from you will repulse all respectable individuals, but still you persist; your expression never changes.
"He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed"
He did an incredibly poor job in this particular area with the Rapture Ready crowd. All they talk about is how much they hate gays/Muslims/people who have abortions/anyone with a brain.
So that's what's meant by "Punkin' Head".
@Mayhem
"Yes, I'm drunk, but I'll be sober tomorrow, and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.."_______________W.C. Fields
"Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed."
And if this website is anything to go by, he also scoops out your brain.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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