Just because I like pizza it doesn’t mean I should marry it. Biologically, I am predisposed to enjoy the immaculate melding of mozzarella cheese, red sauce and thick crust baked to tasty perfection. But that doesn’t mean I should enter into a lifelong commitment with Sicilian or plain, nor bed it down, nor bring children into the world and have them have to explain to their classmates why their mom’s crust is not a crisp as it once was. Does any child deserve to have their friends tossing Monday 2 for 1 coupons in his face? Not in my world they don’t. Yet, to say that I am against pizza-eaters or gays is absurd. Our Saddleback Church offer more weight-watchers meetings to overeaters than any other evangelical megachurch on the west coast.”
97 comments
I have to say, this one gave me a good laugh, moreso than a lot of the stuff I see on this website. If he's a poe, 10/10 for effort.
Yeah, we know...you think marriage was meant as one man and as many women as he could afford. What is that, Rick? You say it's only "one man and one woman"? Good God, man! Don't you even bother to read that Bible you thump?
It's a good thing that our right to marry can't be arbitrarily abridged by people who think like Rick Warren, isn't it?
Oh wait...we have a whole pile of them in California and one getting ready to move into the White House.
"Just because I like pizza it doesn’t mean I should marry it."
If you find the pizza able to consent to marriage, you're either using the wrong kind of mushrooms or it's really time to clean out the fridge.
This is even worse than the "pets" analogy, 'cause dogs and cats can, you know, love you back.
I'm just trying to imagine sex with a piping hot pizza, and all I can think is, "Oooh, icky!" And, of course, "ouch!"
PS--OhmyGods, I just saw that was Rick Warren his own self. *That's* "America's pastor" and a best-selling author?
The Tivoli in Poznan did a monster of a ham, bacon and sausage pizza when I was over. Wait, he's talking about gay marriage? What happened to the pizza? And now we've got an advert for his church's weight-loss programme? Huh.
Edit @Beltaine: I lol'd.
Well, at least it's a more original response than the usual slippery slope to paedophilia or bestiality that we see with depressing frequency. Still mind-bogglingly dumb, though. Also, Beltaine wins an internet.
Wow! So now we learn that Rick Warren is not only a nasty, hypocritical bigot; he's also an idiot.
I lost a LOT of respect for Obama when he invited this jerk to give the invocation at the inauguration. It's going to take something major to compensate for that or else we'll have another one-term failure followed by decades of Republican mis-rule.
@ D Laurier
"Huh?
Word salad."
No, pizza salad.
Now I'm hungry, you monster.
Also, food preferences aren't the same as biologically wired sexual attraction.
*looks at Rick, then at the pizza in question*
Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL, I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?
(Beltaine)
"If you find the pizza able to consent to marriage, you're either using the wrong kind of mushrooms or it's really time to clean out the fridge."
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the mushrooms will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
Holy crap, my mom just bought me this guy's book!
Okay, the article was fake, but I have Warren's book "The Purpose Driven Life" right here and the whole message is that you don't control your life, God does and that trying to figure out your life for yourself is wrong. It's basically a how-to book on how to feel like crap. Chapter 25 is about how God wants us to suffer. Ugh.
"Biologically, I am predisposed to enjoy the immaculate melding of mozzarella cheese, red sauce and thick crust baked to tasty perfection"
Am I the only one who wtfed at this bit?
Why the fuck does every single preacher come across as completely clueless when it comes to logic and reason?
This asshole is no different from the rest of the flock, stupid as stupid gets!
Hey, remember when we were six years old, and how funny it was to say "well, if you like it so much why don't you marry it?"
Good times, good times.
Rick Rick Rick, you are thicker than a brick.
Pizza isn't an animate object, and if you love pizza, then you're an objectiphile and need a shrink.
Just because I like pizza it doesn’t mean I should marry it.
can't read any further, laughing too hard.
If this is a real Rick Warren quite, then it's my favorite of all time.
Mostly because it makes zero sense.
thick crust? ew! try some *real* pizza next time you're in CT, where pizza was born.
on second thought, fuck off. don't come near my state you stupid cunt.
If I eat a pizza I am going to hell
If I abstain I get to go to heaven ?
What would the flying Spaghetti monster say ?
So, he isn't against pizza eaters or gays, but he runs classes to tell pizza eaters that they are fat and unlovable and only Jesus can help them give up their evil overeating.
I'm sure he has some program to 'deprogram' gays, too.
Yet he also admits to loving to eat pizza.
He sounds very conflicted regarding pizza to me. Maybe he's as conflicted about homosexuality, to?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.