I have a funny story on this. Last week at church someone was playing with the replica we have of the shofar, and blew a long blast through it. It was our Bi-monthly pot luck, so lots of people were there. When we all heard the horn the whole place went quiet, and everyone was looking around. My pastor said, "False alarm," and everyone let out a small, but loud sigh...
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Haha, embarrassing wasn't it? Your trumpet blew and you were all still THERE, no one flying through the air! You were all still around so you were all fucked according to your little non-Biblical death cult rule of rapture. Bet there were multiple shits all around.
Okay everybody, the next time you're at a baseball/football game, buy one of those souvenir "charge" trumpets. Think of all the fun we can have in fundie neighbohoods! All the fundies running outside, tearing off their clothes and jumping up and down to rise into the air!
We'll need someone to film it, too.
What's it going to be when Bog or God and all his saints and angels, along with the horsemen, enter playing kazoos and slide whistles, eh?
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@[b]vampirehummingbird,
Wait for the coldest Sunday of winter, please.
You know, it doesn't really require a trumpet. All you have to do is quietly walk up behind a fundie and cut loose with an air horn.
There. All raptured.
It's a hell of a lot cheaper than a musical instrument.
@GreenEyedLilo - "Shofars made of real ram's horn smell gamy and gross; get a trumpet."
Well, you haven't blown my shofar.
Blowing a trumpet to signal people to go home is kinda cool, don't you think? I usually just say, "Thanks, guys. See you next week."
I need to find a raptard, sure, it's been a while since I've played. But, I still have the trumpet dammit!
@vampirehummingbird
That would be awesome.
I've been seriously thinking about playing practical jokes on the rapturists near my house. I can make my guitar sound like a horde of trumpets in a great hall. I'll do it just to see them run out, then quickly switch sounds and say, "What sound, I'm busking here!"
Okay everybody, the next time you're at a baseball/football game, buy one of those souvenir "charge" trumpets. Think of all the fun we can have in fundie neighbohoods! All the fundies running outside, tearing off their clothes and jumping up and down to rise into the air!
I know we all keep saying this, but I'm completely serious when I say we should blow trumpets outside of these people's homes, and then shout, "Come forth, my children!" into a megaphone. At 2AM in the morning. Someone HAS to do this.
If I knew a church like this, I could get a group, arm them with trumpets, and record it for all to see on Youtube. I'm sure people are thinking about it already.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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