Nowadays, we know that God promised Moses a land flowing with milk and crude oil, but the prophet had no word for crude oil so he said honey instead. Besides, why would God promise anyone a land flowing with crude oil? However, as spiritual descendants of Moses through Christ, we know now that America is entitled to every ounce of oil that lies beneath the land from Morroco to Kabul. God promised to us thousands of years ago.
60 comments
So, God told Moses about the crude oil and Moses still didn't have a word for it ? You seem to have Moses pegged as a retard.
Assuming this isn't brilliant trolling and this asshat actually belives what he's spewing:
Flipper: you could very well be right. When I submitted this entry, it was the only one he'd written, and I've heard almost the exact same argument made by a street preacher, so I didn't assume it was sarcasm.
*falls over laughing*Hebrew nation a land flowing with milk and honey. Not crude oil. What use would crude oil be for a bunch of people without things that run on oil? *facepalm* Milk and honey, however, were luxury items, so to promise the (once again) Hebrew nation these items was promising them riches... eventually.
America and Christians weren't even on the radar, n00b.
Fine Ralph, then go, and take only the clothes on your pale backs.
Let's see:
Uh, petroleum and related substances were well-known in the region: wasn't Noah supposed to have used tar to caulk the ark? Babylon/Persia is known to have used petroleum for construction, medicinal and lighting purposes. It's a pretty safe guess that the Hebrews would have a word for it.
"Besides, why would God promise anyone a land flowing with crude oil?"
Nowadays, we know that God promised Moses a land flowing with milk and crude oil, but the prophet had no word for crude oil so he said honey instead.
We know god promised...a land flowing with...crude oil, but the prophet had no word for crude oil so he said honey instead. Besides, why would God promise anyone a land flowing with crude oil?
However, as spiritual descendants of Moses through Christ, we know now that America is entitled to every ounce of oil that lies beneath the land from Morroco to Kabul. God promised to us thousands of years ago."
Actually, what's beneath the land Israel sits on only belongs to the Israelis. I don't think that there's a lot of crude there. And I think that, arguably, they'd have a far clearer claim to being able to call themselves the descendants of Moses than we do.
In conclusion, you're so full of shit your eyes are brown.
Nowadays, we know that the Flying Spaghetti Monster promised us a land flowing with vodka sauce and extra-cheesy tomato sauce, but since we had no words to describe them back then he just said "that stuff you really like on penne and elbows, respectively, Agent." So we know we're entitled to all the sauces from the tip of Italy all the way to the mountains.
Mmm. Penne ala Vodka. Truly a gift from the FSM.
Poe. Good spelling and grammar, except for the last sentence.
Memo to Ralph: Lose the modern geopolitical references and dumb down the language, for better cred.
One, Morrocco and Kabul are quite far of the Biblical map, you know, so your assertion doesn't count. And honey is honey, and oil is oil, they were well aware of the difference(in fact, they cooked and made cosmetics with it). And the spiritual descendants of Moses were, are, and will be Orthodox Jewish. Sorry.
Now you know why 9/11 happened.
Honey, crude oil- what's the difference?
Also: "God entitled us to their land"? Sounds an awful lot like Manifest Destiny to me.
Did God also say we had to kill everyone to get to it?
You had better be a Poe, or I WAY underestimated the dangers of religion.
...how exactly is a promise that God supposedly made to SOMEONE ELSE OF AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT RACE supposed to entitle you to anything?
Oh wait, I forgot- you're a wanker.
Sorry pals, but if I remember well, God promised LAND, according to the Bible, to a bunch of guys from the Middle East. Nothing I have heard of European descendants in an unknown continent to have control over an unknown source of energy
What a pathetic attempt of trying to justify the political equivalent of armed robbery.
This is exactly the same mindset as a school bully who thinks that he is "entitled" to beat up the weaker students and steal their pocket money.
Ever hear of Hanukkah? It celebrates a miracle of long lasting oil during a seige. Olive oil, refined to burn
As others have mentioned tar, crude oil and rendered fat have been used for over 4000 years for lamplight or to assist it
You have to ferment Honey to get a viable alchol of it, would need a still to finish and it's far more valiable as food.
Milk and Honey is a phrase of promised paradise, in common speak and Biblical verse.
America is entitled to...
Isn't "I am entitled to ..." typical for evil socialism, as of right-wing fundies? What became of the "free market economics" you right-wing fundies love so much?
When you want something, you better pay for it, in hard cash. Thats the rule of the markets. When you don't have the money, bad luck. When you take it anyway, well, than this is called "robbery". When you take it by force, it is called "armed robbery".
Was this person maybe being sarcastic? :/
Oil or not, that "covenant" stuff in the Old Testament doesn't even apply to you, since you're not Hebrew/Jewish. And a (tenuous) link to Jesus doesn't count; he's not actually the Hebrew God.
Anyway, this has got to be the shittiest, most jingoistic rationalization for grabbing Mideastern crude oil that I've ever seen. It's embarrassing for Americans and insulting to any Christian who's not a fundie.
Assuming truth of biblical stories.
Ralph, is your surname Bush?
Nowadays, we know that God promised Moses a land flowing with milk and crude oil, but the prophet had no word for crude oil so he said honey instead.
We "know" this? Do you mean Motor Honey? STP?
Spiritual descendants trump biological descendants?
Ok I'm the spiritual descendant of thomas Edison, screw his family where's my royalties?
@whatever
image
I regret nothing.
"Nowadays, we know that God promised Moses a land flowing with milk and crude oil, but the prophet had no word for crude oil so he said honey instead"
So, in the scene near the end of "Quantum of Solace", where James Bond (Daniel Craig) has just dumped senior Quantum member Dominic Greene (Matheu Amalric) in the middle of the Atacama Desert, then throws him a can, saying:
'I bet you make it 20 miles before you consider drinking that.'
It's actually Honey ?! [/Bond nerd] [/smartase]
Honey: A golden, gooey liquid created by bees from pollen.
Crude Oil: A black, sticky liquid that smells like death and shit created by natural geological forces over (the horror!) millions of years.
What's next? When God told his people to go murder in his name, did he really mean give them candy and hugs?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
