While the at-risk behavior of boys has leveled off somewhat, there has been a dramatic increase in the at-risk behavior of girls.
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It begins at a young age. Internet chatting seems innocent for a ten year old girl. After all, they are just talking with their friends the same way we used to use the phone. But it is not innocent. Neither are the movies that they rent for "innocent" sleep over parties. Relationships with males are idealized, discussed and fantasized. No different than 30 years ago? Watch them. PG-13 films and TV programs that would have been banned in a different generation are seen by "everyone" today. Sooner or later the internet chatting involves the boys. Chatting leads to meetings on Friday at the pizza store. Eighth grade comes and while parents may be dreaming of getting their bright young lady into the "top" yeshiva, they have failed to realize that subtle changes have occurred in a few short years. Unknowingly, these girls enter a high school admissions pool designed to weed out the "bad" girls. Faced with rejection and no school to attend, these girls become depressed and their parents frantically search for answers. While the system may reject these girls, the boys do not. In many cases, the relationship spins out of control and the results are disastrous.
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If our girls attend 10 years of yeshiva and their minds are still on romantic novels and inappropriate movies in the eighth grade, something must be terribly wrong.
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Parents also need to listen better and become involved more. We don't have to send our child to a questionable party or social event just because "everyone" is going. We need to be more vigilant about the material that enters our homes and the access our children may have to inappropriate material on the internet. Even if we may believe that our computer is blocked, our children can access material in very creative ways. If we allow our children computer privileges they must be very carefully monitored. We should check our children's buddy lists, making sure we know each child on the list. We must keep the computer in a public space so that we can monitor internet activity better (even adults need to monitor their own internet use!).
Lastly, we need to learn to communicate better with our daughters. It is especially important for fathers to learn to relate better to their daughters. If daughters become alienated from their fathers, to whom will the turn to receive male affection? Who will provide for a daughter's self-esteem if her father has become detached? Fathers must spend time with their daughters listening and discussing their issues.
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