Yes, ma'am. Those who demand obedience GET obedience. I keep seeing this over and over, from so many. If we don't back down, and just keep demanding obedience, then we will GET obedience. Many of us find it hard to believe, but only because we haven't pushed hard enough.
Those children who "refuse" to be spanked, who "refuse" to bring the cane, or the strap, or the paddle, who "refuse" to get into position for it - - apparently they CAN LEARN that "refusal" is not an option.
It is up to us, the parents, to keep insisting, and to keep punishing for disobedience.
Some say they will BRING the cane or strap, and ASK for the whipping, and THANK the parents afterwards. This sounds almost beyond belief to some of us. But there has to be some value in persistence.
The child has to eventually back down, as long as the parent does NOT back down!
18 comments
the OP might be going a little overboard but I still don't think I have ever heard a convincing counter argument to "I was spanked and I turned out fine."
Edit: after seeing more posts from this site, I mostly take back my comment but my problem is that ANY mention of spanking gets listed as fundie here.
What are you trying to do, raise a child, or just assert your dominance? No, they are not the same thing. The latter is just a product of your own ego.
Torturing your child with physical pain is not a healthy way to instill 'obedience.'
The different between felony assault with a deadly weapon, and striking a child with a weapon, is the age of the victim.
Nice way to make a brood of serial killers.
You will be the first victim but your husband will be second, and far from the final victim.
You`ve clearly never met my parents. I pushed much harder than them and they knew I was fully prepared to just dissapear into the city if they went nuclear on me. Turns out I couldnb`t be broken but they could be forced to start explaining themselves and their motives to me and to include my voice in the family plans. Made for a much healthier relationship when "because I said so" was no longer on the table for anyone in the family. Forced them to leaver me the fuck alone with some cash for 2 weeks during the winter and later summer break when I was 16 and I couldn`t empathically get through to them, that I want no part in any "family vacations" and just want to be left to drink my ass off with my buddies(I was at that age, obviously, no regrets there honestly, well maybe save making the balcony off-limits to drunk people so my bud wouldn`t puke all over downstairs neighbour car).
Some would say I practically engaged in a cold war with my own parents and to be honest I did just that but it also made them learn to respect my voice if they want theirs to be respected as well. I showed them that using strengh on me, meant retailation at an overwhelming scale when merely talking things through and listening to each other meant they could get their point across easily(even if their point was "you`re not gonna benefit from those lessons" or "We don`t care enough to put that money into you"). In the end we are very close and I do respect their advice greatly nowadays, unless it`s about mother`s improvised cold medicine, then it was, is and will always be utter crap. Thing is I pushed them with some brains and I got their respect for it.
@#2164597
the OP might be going a little overboard but I still don't think I have ever heard a convincing counter argument to "I was spanked and I turned out fine."
There are plenty of good refutations to that in numerous child abuse stories. At some level corporal punishment turns into abuse and the abused tend to grow up to be abusers, if not mentally scarred for life. The trouble is that the abusive parents don't see anything wrong with beating their children black & blue with a belt in order to try to make them behave.
@#2164597
"I turned out fine" arguments are inherently flawed for several reasons. One of the biggest is that people are largely unaware of their own flaws. The way they think is natural to them and it doesn't occur to someone who is excessively controlling that what they do is wrong because in their mind they're doing someone else a kindness, or a paranoid person may have a difficult time believing everyone isn't as guarded as they are looking for angles to exploit, or that basing relationships on fear and exploitation is unhealthy, or people who hold on to racist values and how their entire perception of an event they witness shifts dramatically depending on the race of those involved.
Another big problem is not only the low bar it sets for what constitutes "fine" - continuing to function as a human being instead of lapsing into catatonia and losing all ability to determine reality - but the sheer degree of what individuals can go through and still recover while others fall apart completely or go through life comparatively functional but still scarred deeply. John McCain for example was tortured for years and "turned out fine" by most estimations, but that's hardly any reason to dismiss the fact torture has long term effects on the psyche and definitely no reason to make it acceptable in society. My childhood was various flavours of fucked up and "turned out fine" is a difficult thing to truly say about me. I could definitely have turned out worse but "didn't end up a serial killer" is again a low bar.
Yeah, my kids were beaten for any infraction and learned obedience. They also learned fear, distrust, and had complete breakdowns of the smallest bad thing happened. Example, one night one spilled a glass of milk and dove behind the couch to hide from the beating they were expecting from me. Took hours to explain we dont hit as punishments in our home. We got them out of that house a decade ago, my oldest still has psychological scars and still is in therapy. So yes corporal punishment does cause harm
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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