Wow Deuteronmy 28...
See only problem with what God actually said was that
28:16 Cursed thou shall be in your cities and in your fields - doesn't really fit Inuit eskimos does it?
28:17 Granaries!
28:18 Sheep!
28:22 You will be completely annihilated and they will use swords, not rifles.
28:23 The sky will turn to brass and the Earth iron.
28:24 It shall rain dust - wow not a mention of snow.
28:25 You'll be smitten (yes it says that) by your enemies, not a pack of marauding savages.
28:27 You'll get some Egyptian mummies curse which is some form of STD.
28:28 He'll make you go mad and blind and absolutely astonish you.
28:30 Oh and apparently your vineyards will fail - fuck can't imagine why. MAybe they didn't use enough whale blubber as fertiliser.
28:31 Oxen, donkeys and sheep.
28:34 Oh and apparently then you'll not go blind because the sights of the affrontery shall send you mad.
28:36 - Bwaaahaaahaa! The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone. Yup, you'll be conquered by pagan savages. Oh my......
28:38 Your crops will be eaten by locusts.
28:39 The reason your vineyards failed in the permafrost was they were eaten by worms.
28:40 You olive trees you plant on the coast don't grow any olives.
............
28:45 Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee: Now the beautiful thing here is the commandments that God mentioned are the ritual decalogue in Exodus 24 about you must eat unleavened bread in the month of Abab, and do not boil a kid in it's mother's milk and stuff like that you totally ignore.
28:46 Oh and you're forever fucked if you do this, so missionary work is completely pointless. Not to mention in 28:20 God specifically points out this only applies to his people as this is punishment for forsaking him. Jews. Not Eskimos. Jews.
Believe it or not God's tanty goes on for another 20 verses!