Whynot #fundie boards.straightdope.com

The question here is simple. What would you have done if you were in the same position as Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, where several of your daughters told you that their 15-year old brother had been openly touching them on the breasts and genital areas both when sleeping and awake?

Having been the victim in this situation (although only 3 years younger than my brother), I can say with complete and utter confidence: I don't have a fucking clue.

It's easy to say "Separate! Boarding school! Police!" when you're not looking at a son you love who has done a heinous thing. When you're not holding a hysterical younger child begging you not to send her beloved big brother away.

Therapy? Absolutely, for all of us. Like, real, documented, legit therapy. Beyond that...I just don't know, and pray I never have to figure it out.


I'm not even sure I would take the victim kids for therapy. Besides for the fact that therapy in general is not necessarily effective, there's also a serious risk IMO that by doing so you would magnify the significance of the incidents in their minds and by this itself cause them all sorts of trauma that might be avoided if you used a lighter approach.

I would definitely speak to the kids about it and let them know if they were troubled by what had happened we could get help from professionals, but if they seemed fine with parental reassurance that they had nothing to feel bad about then I would probably leave them be.

I (again, having been there) actually agree with this to a point. Far more damage was done to me by the adults freaking out and telling me I "must be" damaged/hurt/scared/fucked up than was done by the abuse itself. Dragging me against my will to therapists for months did not help; there I was told that I was being too brave and hiding my pain and would have to keep going back until I felt it. When the grown-ups keep telling you you're doing it wrong until you start crying, and then praise you for your tears, it sets up some really destructive emotional and behavioral habits.

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