[Part of a hilarious Christian advice column]
If one spouse does not want to have sex, the other spouse should agree to abstain. If one spouse wants to have sex, the other spouse should agree.
76 comments
I'm not sure how this is supposed to even work, but I do have to admit that it's no *less* sensible than the attitude expressed by some somewhat-dense so-called feminists I know that "we had sex even though I didn't really want to although I never said no and in fact faked an orgasm so he'd feel good about himself" should in fact be equal to rape.
Disparate sex drives happen. I wish we could all stop being so very shocked by that and just, well, talk about it and cope however works best for that particular relationship.
Edited because repetitive Syb is repetitive when on cold meds.
Does no one see the ridiculousness of this advice?
If you do not want to have sex, it means your spouse does, though the spouse should abstain if you don't want to. But also by this advice, if your spouse wants to have sex, you have to agree.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I have a hunch Unknown is working on the presumption that the "other spouse" is in a neutral state about desirous/not desirous of sex (i.e. hasn't made up their mind).
I *can* see that happening, but if their spouse signals their interest, I don't see them remaining undecided much longer. They'll judge whether they, too, desire sex relatively quickly.
uhhh......... ummm.......... errr..........
Now lets ask her where babies come from and see what she comes up with for that.
And if you read the article, she doesn't say it's the man's choice. She states if there is a discrepancy, that the couple should come to a compromise somewhere in the middle.
gotQuestions.org? Yeah, I've got a question. How the fuck is that supposed to work?
EDIT: Wait. Maybe this is some sort of experimental application of the quantum theory and the uncertainty principle.
OK, on the surface, this is a paradox. But when you run it through the FundySpeak Filter (TM) this is what you get:
If the husband does not want to have sex, the wife should agree to abstain. If the husband wants to have sex, the wife should agree.
My answer would be that if one spouse does not want to ever have sex and the other does, the first better get used to the idea that their partner will eventually cheat on them. (Or alternately fool around with permission, depending on the type of relationship).
No contradiction there. Nope. No sireee.
I am sure they meant to say if the husband does not want to have sex the wife should agree and if the husband wants to have sex the wife should also agree. Basically it's a bit of "do what I want, bitch".
Sayna: I'd cite sources but the most principal one happens to be a good friend who I do still *like* despite all that, and I don't really intend to give her real name out or anything.
It's not like it's hard to believe that there are people like that out there. For any extreme there are two sides. For every one of those thankfully-rare whackos who still thinks that there can be no rape in marriage because it's the husband's right, there's another thankfully-rare whacko on the other side who thinks that empowering women means giving them a list of things that equal rape which includes "if you talk her into it, you're a rapist"--and I can cite a source on that one, it was a widely circulated list written by a blogger called Biting Beaver.
The stupid is not always limited to the fundie side, though that does not make the fundie side less stupid. :)
so, if spouse A says no sex, spouse B has to agree UNLESS spouse B says yes! sex! then spouse A must comply...
yay for sex! sex always wins in your scenario!
sisyphus wrote:
"I read the entire "answer" to the question and the "advice" columnist says at the end that the average couple has sex 2 times a week! WTF?!?!?! No wonder the fundies are always cranky, they never get any!" The "average couple" also includes those folks who have been married for several years and are pretty much tired of one another, but for whom divorcing would be too extreme a solution.
You know how the old saying goes about how your sex life progresses during a long relationship, right?
1. Tri-weekly
Um, can someone parse this quote for me?:
"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
When I read this, I took "deprive" to mean to deprive the other of sex. So, to me, the sentence meant that there should be sex unless both parties agree not to have sex. Also, the "and for a time" meant, to me, that the only other exception for not having sex is to spend that non-sex time praying.
Am I reading this wrong?
Uuuuhhhhmmmm....
This sounds like something from the Zippy comic strip.
If a couple tried to put this advice into practice, they may end up simultaneously having sex and not having sex.... in every room of their house at the same time. Yow!!!
gotquestions.org
"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent"
You can't have it both ways, dearie. If one spouse wants to have sex, but the other don't, who should agree to either abstain or put up?
I bet you mean that the "one spouse" is male and the "other spouse" is female, right?
"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman."
- I Corinthians 7:1 (KJV)
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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