I'm afraid you'll never get anywhere near the presence of the Lord with such a black-heart full of fear and hatred. You must conquer your fears, shelve your inadequacies and stride forth in to the light. Though, I warn you, it is not an easy path to follow my friend.
But, sometimes we have to choose the difficult way in order to learn what it means to be good. Along the way, you'll encounter money-grubbing, evil pastors who will try and deceive you, mammon-worshiping demons who will try and tempt you and wizard-like pretenders who will try and fill your empty head with foolishness and lies.
But, through it all, hold your head high, smile, and say to them, "Go you satanic creatures, tempt me not with your miserable wares, save your crass idiocies for the ignoramuses who lick your boots, speak no more to me of your paltry hatreds and mean desires." And, so saying, walk you away from these treacherous scum, thereby keeping on the true path.
This my friend is the start of your redemption. There are many good men and many good women will help to guide you along the way, and many books you can read to assist your garnering of information. But ultimately, it's down to you to make the first move, and choose the way of love and light.
