Are you a Decoy?
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I posted this before at Rapture News under my previous onscreen name of Morgan. But thought I would post it again for any new member who may not have read it before. I wrote it one day about 2 years ago and still reflect back on it often. It is an insight that has helped me a great deal and pray it will help others.
Are You a Decoy?
Some days it seems as though I should never have left the warmth of my bed. Everything seems to go wrong - from
1. dropping my freshly filled favorite coffee cup on my keyboard first thing in the morning -
2. to my computer taking four times as long to process every command as usual
3. and a client calling every five minutes to see if I have that report done yet -
4. To the phone ringing and hearing from every friend whom hasn't called me in 6 months and chose this moment to pick up the phone and want to 'catch up'
5. to every telemarketer in the world calling in between
6. to having everyone I have faxed a report to that day tell me they never received it
At some point - I realize I am under attack. These are not coincidences. And the choice is made - to give in and give up and have that temper tantrum I so justly deserve and therefore be ready to tear off the head of the next person I talk to -
or realize that I am on the front lines taking the hits from the enemy and since he is not omnipresent - if he is messing with me - then that means there is a brother or sister in the Lord who is having a good day and recuperating from a day they need to be able to witness to someone for the Lord.
So, I wave the white flag and accept my assignment as decoy and smile. For, while the enemy was thinking I would destroy my witness and lose my joy - he was wasting his time and another soul was saved somewhere down the street by someone who was not under attack.
I am a decoy in the army of God - reporting for duty!
65 comments
I'm pretty sure that Satan has enough minions to give everyone a bad day simultaneously if he so desires. And, since your problems involve spilled coffee and telemarketers, not, like, you know, possessed scissors trying to kill you or your desk chair trying to crush you to death, I'd say it's a rather safe bet any demon "attacking" you is fairly low on the demonic chain of command.
1: A simple rule, don't keep beverages in the same level or above as your computer or your hardware.
2: Of course, you might have purred coffee into the damned thing
3: Maybe you should finish it then
4: Non work-related calls on the job, no wonder that report isn't finish
5: Hang up
6: That is because you are doing it wrong, else call a Technician.
Hi Ruth.
Oh my! I say! This is rich material indeed. As you say, very helpful; my flagging spirits rose as soon as I read it.
I am now on the reflecting part.
And I wonder, do you work in a department similar to 'The Ministry Of Silly Walks' (see Monty Python's Flying Circus), only it's called 'The Department of Silly Reports'?
I say this, because I'm just trying to conceive of the type of person who wants a report that they know is going to consist of mangled grammar, convoluted meanings and the meandering thought processes of a driveling pin-head.
Strange indeed. But highly amusing and uplifting nonetheless.
Love ya, Pule.
I don't know which is more arrogant being inspired by some drivel you yourself wrote or believing that you are the sole focus of the debbil's attention on those days when you are too lazy, fuzzy-minded, and disorganized to get your work done. Sheesh!
Christians in India = persecuted.
You're F***ing fax not going through is not persecution.
You're superficial whining in the face of true suffering really makes me want to vomit. Call me when someone sets your face on fire, then we'll talk.
Wow. You're a true martyr. Even as we speak Somali television runs a donation telethon to collect money for your epic struggle against the forces of evil. Set against a background of a violin heavy adagio composition in A minor, your story is retold in a black-and-white montage, with a voice over by Sir David Attenborough: "This is Ruth. Unlike anyone else on the planet shit happens to her. Satan is confronting her with sheer insurmountable problems such as a jam in her printer's paper feed or a pack of salad cream that doesn't tear where it says "tear here". Please, please give generously, although you are living in a tent city in a wartorn country with landmines on your doorstep and a life expectancy of 25, to help Ruth get a lifetime supply of Xanax, so Satan seizes to attack her in this most gruesome manner. Thank you!"
Or... maybe you could just grow the fuck up, Ruth. It's called life.
'I am a decoy in the army of God.'
Quack, quack, quack, quack.
At some point - I realize I am under attack. These are not coincidences.
Pity. Most normal people would have realized they were just having a bad day. Hell, even in my fundie days, I knew what a bad day was.
To quote Freud, "Sometimes a cigar (bad day) is just a cigar (bad day).
1. dropping my freshly filled favorite coffee cup on my keyboard first thing in the morning -
2. to my computer taking four times as long to process every command as usual
3. and a client calling every five minutes to see if I have that report done yet -
4. To the phone ringing and hearing from every friend whom hasn't called me in 6 months and chose this moment to pick up the phone and want to 'catch up'
5. to every telemarketer in the world calling in between
6. to having everyone I have faxed a report to that day tell me they never received it
Sounds like an average Monday. How the hell does this mean you're "under attack"?
There are fire demons inside of my car and they use up the fuel everytime I drive.
There are wind demons near my house that cause me to leave the window open and let in a satanic draft.
There are depression demons in my bank account making my money not go as far as I would like it to. They must be possessing my friends too.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
@ xplicit-UK = that is howlingly funny! Indeed everybody's comments are hilarious. Such rich fodder eh?
I went to the thread, and the other rapture loonies were encouraging her of course.
But get this - we know that this was a repost from 2 years ago - but that was in Feb. She bumped it in August, and again in December. Egomaniac!
So, the devil, lord of darkness and master of all things evil, conjured up all his great and terrible power from the deepest darkest pits of hell. Then, with the sheer force of all his concentrated malice, he mercilessly brought it down upon you with the fury of ten thousand enraged harpies. Hell itself shook from the sudden release of sheer power, raw hatred and all manner of terrible things imaginable.
And... the fax machine broke.
I think this is a repeat.
Most of us would just chalk that up as a bad day and scan our computers for viruses and unplug the phone.
This moron thinks Ultimate Evil is paying her personal attention.
Arrogant bastard.
Also, if people are phoning you asking if your report is done, maybe you should finish the fucking report instead of whining on the Internet about how people are phoning you to ask if the report is done.
Why does God even NEED an "army" to fight the enemy?
Isn't He omnipotent? Can't he just snap his fingers and make Satan disappear forever?
Face it, chump. God WANTS His creation to suffer.
Oi satan! Over here! Come and get me you big red sack of naughtiness! Oh not the phone calls! Anything but the phone calls! Need backup!, Jesus do you copy? The telemarketers have me pinned down, over!
"At some point - I realize I am under attack. These are not coincidences"
Yeah, they are.
"realize that I am on the front lines taking the hits from the enemy and since he is not omnipresent"
Why isn't the Lord doing His job, protecting you? Is he not omnipresent too?
"I am a decoy in the army of God - reporting for duty!"
God should be a one-unit army, like Nomad or Gordon Freeman or Master Chief. Why does he need you guys? And why won't he send /b/ackup?
And how far is up the slope from "I am a suicide bomber in the army of God"?
At least you're not violent.
I just call that a bad day and move on. Why would you have a temper tantrum? Grow the fuck up, we all have those days, you are not under attack.
You want a bad day, try manning the tech phones when you idiots start whining and crying about your computers. Yeah, we know your computer boots faster at home; it's probably more powerful and IT'S NOT ATTACHED TO A FUCKING NETWORK!
How is it that in your entire life, you have never heard the phrase, "Shit happens"? Some days are crappy, that's why we call them "bad days". Get the fuck over it.
A "decoy" is a cheap, disposable item made to resemble a valuable target. It is used to draw enemy fire away from something valuable. So if you are a "decoy" you are a fake and thus expendable.
Essentially, you are claiming to be a fake Christian who has been intentionally left vulnerable.
Fortunately, the enemy's offensive capabilities seem to be limited to damaging electronics and spilling coffee.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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