The best description of Heaven and Hell that I have heard was:
In Hell there is a room full of luxarious food all the best a person could imagine every person has a plate and sppon but the spoon is too big and a person cannot feed themselves so everyone is walking around hungary and with skin and bones
In Heaven it is the same scenario as above except instead of everyone trying to feed themselves people feed each other so nobody is walking around hungary and there is plenty for everyone
88 comments
I've seen this story before. But back then, it was written with correct spelling and grammar.
Ilikecandy, you are guilty of massacring the English language.
In Heaven it is the same scenario as above except instead of everyone trying to feed themselves people feed each other so nobody is walking around hungary and there is plenty for everyone
Democratic Socialist Republic of Heaven. I hear they're testing nukes.
"The best description of Heaven and Hell that I have heard was: "
They're both myths.
That fact notwithstanding, the way I heard it, in heaven the British are cops, the French are cooks and the Germans fix stuff. In hell the Germans are cops, the British are cooks and the French fix stuff.
So, the only problem in hell is, your spoon is too big? That's it? Fine. I'll live my life in a fun and sin-laiden manner, and when I get to hell, I'll just take smaller scoops.
Ah, the long-handled eating implement story - I not only heard that one when I used to get bundled off to sunday school as a kid but, on one occasion, they actually built some long-handled forks and had us act it out. It's a nice little metaphor, actually, and at a level kids could immediately understand even without the physicalisation; but it had nothing to do with heaven or hell when I heard it, its only purpose was to emphasise the value of cooperation.
This is just as well, since the lesson it teaches about teamwork stands alone, whereas using it to describe hell still doesn't provide a scrap of proof as to the existence of such a place. It also implies that heaven and hell are the way they are based only on the nature of the people who are sent there, yet I can think of plenty of decent, helpful people I'd be perfectly happy to spend eternity with who easily qualify for eternal damnation by most Christian standards. It is also incompatible with your notion that evil is caused by Satan, and further begs the question of why heaven couldn't be established right now in this life if only people can be persuaded to act decently towards each other. Frankly, I think you've misheard or misremembered the analogy and assumed it was a description of heaven and hell when it was originally intended as a message about the nature of this human existence, not the one you believe will come after it.
That's a rather, ummm, childish vision for what our wonderful, transcendant afterlives are supposed to be like. But, then again, I have never accused the Christian faith of having a particularly sophisticated perspective on things...
Well, the best description of Heaven and Hell that I have heard was:
In Heaven the police are British, the chefs are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and it's all organized by the Swiss.
In Hell the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.
I think I first read this here on FSTDT.com so I doff my hat to whoever it was who posted it here first.
Wait ... how does feeding each other get around the problem that your spoons would still be too big?!
Uh, fingers? We'll eat with those, thanks.
And what? In Heaven, nobody is walking around Hungary...so does that mean Hungary is Hell?
So all the food stripped from the hungry children in africa are being hogged by God? What a douchebag.
Oh and sppon was funny, so was Hungary but the submitter beat me to it.
This is just about... the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
1) If we're in hell, surely we don't care about manners anymore, eh? I'm just gonna eat with my fingers, or failing that, shove my face into the food.
2) Thats the best your God can do? Tease us with food we can't eat. God: Hey Lex, want this delicious crema puff? Well you can't have it! Ah ha ha, you're totally in eternal pain right now.
3) You guys are gonna look so dumb with your long spoons!
(And yes, I'm aware this is likely meant as a metaphore, but it sucks as that too.)
You know, hell actually scared me as a child - but now that I know how wussy it is -- bring it on!
P.S. As a side not - the "Hungry" pun, was just about the dumbest fraking thing I have ever seen. You are an idiot. I hope Hungarians eat you with gigantic spoons.
"[Ooooh, I have a feeling that the people of Hungary may not agree with this version...ROFL!)"
because anything misspelled is fundie...
Mah spoon's too big!
Mah spoon is TOO BIG!
spoon is too big and a person cannot feed themselves
In what way could it be too big? Handle too long? Hold the fucking thing closer to the bowl then... Bowl too big to fit in the mouth? well...
In Heaven it is the same scenario as above except instead of everyone trying to feed themselves people feed each other
But if the bowl is too big to fit in the mouth, they can't fucking feed each other!
I heard this told in German once. Spelling aside, I thought it was a rather nice, humanistic sentiment instead of one touting a particular religion. After all, it doesn't mention god, jeebus, or allah does it?
I've been reading hear more than a year now, and I have to say, I really dislike some of you stupid, short-sighted people right now.
Wait, so you admit that only fundies will go to Hell? That seems to be your message, since you describe it as being populated solely by the selfish, stupid and incompetent.
hmm...lets see.
Im starving, the spoon is TOOOOO big! (heh, i'm the queen of france)
Sorry, little aside there.
Anyhoo, pretty sure I could eat without a spoon, seeing that spoons were invented after humans existed, and yet we are still around...
I heard my favourite version of heaven and hell on Scrubs.
J.D. Right, and where do we meet up in heaven?
That's how you recognize the fundies in hell. They're the ones with the huge spoons, the malnourished physiques, the dented faces, and the food flung all over the place.
People who are at least as astute as a three-year-old, use alternate tools, even in hell.
I think walking around Hungary would be excellent in the late springtime.
I'm sorry but you shouldn't assume that people are stupid. A spoon being too big would not prevent people from feeding themselves. That's just silly.
Why is this the best description of heaven and hell? It's stupid, assumes the audience is equally stupid, and is so thoroughly blase and unimaginative.
FALSE.
you fail at originality in all aspects of your religion.
I heard a BUDDHIST FUCKING MONK in a monastery in thailand tell this story much more eloquently than you ever will. ever. It's a common story there, that there is a pit with a platform in the middle with food on it, and your spoon is just long enough to reach the food. However, you can't turn the spoon around and shove it in your own mouth, because it's too long (and people in hell haven't discovered how to hold the spoon closer to the spoon part... whatever) but in heaven, they turn and feed the person next to them with their spoon.
spoony spoony spoon
what was I talking about? oh right, the history presentation I should be working on.
scubajesus, I'm not remotely surprised. It's certainly not in the bible, and the bible sucks at metaphors anyway. Good metaphors, as might be used by your Buddhist, actually serve to illustrate an analogous mechanism in some way and deepen understanding, whereas the kind favoured by the Abrahamic lot are usually just hyperbole and exaggerated comparisons. Take the "camel through the eye of a needle" passage, which I believe is used in both the Bible and the Qur'an - there's no deep meaning there, it's just a flamboyant way of saying something's really difficult. The long-handle thing, though still quite crude, carries a somewhat more meaningful message.
but the spoon is too big and a person cannot feed themselves so everyone is walking around hungary and with skin and bones
Apparently in Hell, you still need good table manners.
Hungary is a beautiful country to walk around.
Even 5-year old kids in Hungary can spell English better than this moron.
@Moondog
Why not Romania or the Czech Republic? I hear Prague is a wonderful city.
Prague is a superb city, but bloody expensive.
The best I heard were in the Book of Enoch, pretty badass, too bad they kept it out of the Bible.
Also MAH SPOON IS TOO BIG! I guess people in hell are too stupid to just eat with their hands.
No no no. This idiot got it wrong. This is how it goes. This was originally Buddhist.
In the afterlife, your arms are turned into giant chopstick-like appendages. All the selfish people are trying to grab the food and feed themselves, but can't ever reach. The unselfish are feeding each other, working together to make sure everyone else is fed.
Wow, that sounds a lot like a story about socialism and capitalism, don't it?
Also, if christian conservatives are right, heaven will be filled with capitalists and hell will be filled with socialists. This description suggests that their behaviors will switch in the afterlife, but why would they?
- “Hungary”: Oman! Are they trying to eat Turkey? And do they have China plates? Maybe you should Czech that. I Congo on and on like this but I ain’t Ghana
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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