COMFORTER,
157 comments
So let me get this straight. Your cat freaked because you were doing something she wasn't used to, and that means she was purged of demons or something when she calmed down?
Cats do not like water, be it normal or holy. The yelling of "Out demons!" Probably didn't help either. The dog will stare at you with a confused look through the entire process.
So, I suppose you really pled a lot of blood over your cat after anointing her with oil.
Okay here's what I imgagined happened. After doing some of your witchcraft you shouted at the demons inside the cat, freaking the poor thing half to death and thus instinctively ran from you. You then let it out, and nothing unusual happened.
For some reason "I GUESS THE DOG IS NEXT" makes me giggle uncontrollably.
I GUESS THE DOG IS NEXT. YES, I HAVE SOME ADVICE! FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP TORTURING YOUR ANIMALS!! AND WHY ARE WE YELLING???
Guest,
Damn, that reminds me of an ex McCulloch. Read somewhere that cats hate showers because they're too cold for them and if you have a really, really hot shower they're fine. So she's having a super hot shower (too hot for me) and the cat's actually fine with it and quite enjoying a bath for once in it's life and I'm impressed yet again with book learning.
This makes me angry. People like this should NOT be allowed around animals or children.
@Irene
I'll take "people most likely to find a headless squirrel in their bed" for $600.
This could very well be a troll.
THEN, SHE RAN TO THE DOOR. SHE LOOKED FRIGHTENED.
NonHomogenized wrote:
I wonder if Guest will mention it when he finds cat puke in his shoes for the next three weeks, or if he'll wonder aloud as to why his bed smells like cat piss.
Clearly, her kitty exorcism took longer to run to completion than she initially figured. The cat barf and cat pee are the last of the demons leaving the cat's body (and posessing her furniture instead).
"I anointed her with oil in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. then i dedicated her to the lord. then I began the deliverance."
Okay, I love animals, so let me say, poor cat and I hope the dog bites him/her. Now, really I have to say I haven't read anything this funny in a long while.
Um... Offhand if you talk anything like you type I'd say your cat acted that way because you terrified the crap out of her.
"ANY THOUGHTS OR ADVICE?"
WOW! How the hell did I miss this one the first time around?
If this moron knew anything about his own alleged religion, he would be aware that this is an heresy. Even accepting animals have a soul in the same way as humans do, which is already a spiny theological point, they have no original sin and therefore need not be "saved".
Wrong, wrong!
Bwahahahaha!!! Greatest troll EVER, you are a genius!!
1. Call nearest animal shelter.
HAHAHA (stop to breath) HAHAHA (Again I stop) HAHAHA (once more) HAHAHA (and 'cause there are spam filters) HAHAHA (but this is not really spam) HAHAHA (I'm really laughing at this dumbwit) HAHAHA (I keep on laughing) HAHAHA (I'm really Johnny Laugher with this) HAHAHA (Yes, my words aren't funny now) HAHAHA (But how could they?) HAHAHA (they have to compete with this!!!) HAHAHA (it's just too much people!) HAHAHA (and I keep on laughing) HAHAHA (even if it gets boring to write this many in-betweens) HAHAHA (but that text really makes me laugh) HAHAHA (I just wish that his dog gets rabies before being treated) HAHAHA (so the dog bites him) HAHAHA (then I hope someone saves the dog) HAHAHA (I mean the one that is not an hominid) HAHAHA (the one that is literally a dog) HAHAHA (the other one instead) HAHAHA (is a disgrace for our species) HAHAHA (see? I'm still laughing and I'm already bored at writing these parenthesis!!!) HAHAHA (but really I cant respect this guy enough to laugh less) HAHAHA (and to laugh is better than to cry) HAHAHA (so I really rather laugh at him) HAHAHA (I wonder if that done upon him could have any positive effect) HAHAHA (naaah, stupidity is not the result of demon possession) HAHAHA (I would have had to repeat this pattern for other 95 "HAHAHA"s but I wouldn't so... I call quits now, but yep, I'm still laughing!!!)
"I LET HER OUTSIDE AND SHE YAWNED...WHICH IS AN INDICATION THEY ARE LEAVING."
I'd say the cat is smarter than this guy, but probably figured it gets free food so whats the harm in fooling him. After all its not so tough to fool these kind of people evidently.
Huh. Here, I thought Christian fundies had a hard-on for smiting practitioners of witchcraft and dabblers in the occult.... Guess they missed one in their own ranks (tip of the iceberg, as I understand it). I find this to be absolutely hilarious. Maybe before that lot gets all hot and bothered again, condeming the pagans for performing cleansing spells and rituals and the like, they really should take a good, critical look at their own practices first, then leave pagans the living hell alone. Or maybe this another vindication of that old medieval syncretism again that spellwork is OK if it's done in the name of Jesus. Right. Except, the Church has been trying to suppress THAT stuff since around the 11th century.... Nice to know how effective a job they've done over the years, eh? Besides, I thought cats were supposed to be agents of Satan by their very nature. But, in her case, what the devil were her pets doing that made her think they were possessed in the first place? I guess full-out, hardcore, hands-on exorcism is the new love? Poor kitty.image
I'm not too worried about the dog, they tend to treat it as a game when humans behave oddly. Of course, if the dog gets excited and playful, this idiot will think that's evidence that the evil forces are leaving.
yes i do have some advice for you:
go try to evangelize to a really ticked off pit viper or maybe a puff adder. i don't care which on you choose, i'm sure you'll have fun with it
AS SOON AS I TOLD THE EVIL FORCES TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, THE CAT DID TOO ! SHE RAN FROM ME AND HID. THEN, SHE RAN TO THE DOOR. SHE LOOKED FRIGHTENED.
@Vanessa
I'm thinking trying to christen the cougar out back.
(Looking at that, that sounds sooooo wrong, too...)
In the list of things that children learn...
It is impossible to baptise a cat
cats dont like water, and I don't think it will be too impressed being covered in oil.
I have two cats, sure they kill small innocent creatures, destroy my furniture, wake me up in the middle of the night, claw me all the time, look surperior and sarcastic........ but I sure do love my cute furry little devils
cats dont get possessed, if they did they wouldn't spend 18 hours of the day sleeping
thick shit
I like, "I GUESS THE DOG IS NEXT."
It sounds so...conversational, and yet doom-laden. And it actually means they're going to exorcise their retriever. Cracks me up.
"COMFORTER,
image
Also, Ceiling Cat does not approve.
"ANY THOUGHTS OR ADVICE?"
One or two suggestions:
1- Lay off the caps lock, pal. It's not healthy.
2- Animals (especially cats) don't like Mazola. Least of all Castrol GTX. So quit the 'anointing' shit, mm'kay?
"DELIVERANCE"
Here's a barrel for you to be bent over on. Now drop trou, Guest. Let me introduce you to Bubba. I trust you've been practicing those porcine impressions, boy. Gets ol' Bubba here harder, y'see.
X3
"COMFORTER,
First, there was the all-seeing, all-knowing, all-LOLing glory of Ceiling Cat. Then the pant-wetting, bollock-screaming, leg-clawing terror of Basement Cat. Now comes the fish-on-paw-wearing surreal(ol)ness of...:
image
...Portal Cat! =^_^= :3
Oh, and Guest...:
image
VIDEOGAMES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!
Also, I didn't know animal sanctuaries delivered ; I thought you had to go to the sanctuary and collect your chosen pet there ?!
[/smartarse]
...oh, and also:
image
X3
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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