[Excerpt from a long list of "answered prayers"]
explain the following events that i prayed for and recieved with incredible accuracy.
the first answer prayer i prayed for a ballon lost in a parking lot to a restraunt i at the time lived 20 miles from said restraunt. i prayed for the return of my balloon. silently. the next morning i found a balloon in the tree (popped) in the back yard same color. i pulled it down with a rake. it had the logo of that restraunt. with the string untied. my sister got a pink one i had yellow.
i lived in texas and prayed for snow and got it. (ok it snows in texas but rarely)
i was mad at my parents and prayed for a newborn baby brother with a hairy butt crack so it was hard for them to change his diapers. it happened a year later.
53 comments
Don't pray for world peace, a cure for cancer or the regeneration of an amputee's limb, no, pray for your balloon. Finding a balloon in your tree doesn't prove anything. Why didn't "God" return your balloon to you and intact?
I bet you prayed for snow on an exceptionally cold night. That's probably what got you thinking of snow in the first place. Big whup.
And you prayed your brother would have a hairy butt? Woohoo!
Let's do a scientific test of the value of prayer and see how well "God" does on some important issues.
Prayer 1: purely selfish. According to the Bible, selfish prayers are sinful.
Prayer 2: purely frivolous. According to the Bible, frivolous prayers are sinful.
Prayer 3: purely vindictive. According to the Bible, vindictive prayers are sinful.
Not sure what you are trying to "prove" here, but what you have actually "proved" is that if these "prayers" were actually "answered," then God is a 5 year old.
"Dear God, please send rain, and soon. The famine is killing us."
"Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees, and an obscure 13th-century saint will be with you momentarily."
"Dear God, please make my bone marrow healthy again."
"Bzzzt ... bzzzt ... bzzzt."
"Dear God, please find my balloon."
"I'll be right on it."
I really don't believe this guy prayed: "Dear Jesus, please give me a baby brother with a hairy butt crack. Amen."
No, it sounds like something he imagined later after hearing his parents talking about changing the diapers. Maybe he did pray for a problematic baby brother or something.
Then he goes on to say:
and even into adult hood otherthigs have happened such as when my father inlaws house was demolished by an f5 tornado he was fighting with my wife (at the time fiance) and all that was left was the stair case his family was standing in and her bedroom. house on either side completly demolished and house across the street demolished and someone was killed. the only thing recoverable was her hope chest and the only pictures found were of her.
So his father-in-law dared to raise his voice against his own daughter, who happened to also be Mr. Chosen One's fiance, so God destroyed the father's house and even killed some random guy just to make sure people get the point.
Um.. what was the point exactly?
i said it was raining hard and my wife got up and ran to the door to see. i got the bright idea to grab her and push her into the rain in jest. (i was successfull)
For some reason this guy doesn't give the impression of being a highly intelligent person to me. I don't know why... Maybe it could be this "you wet ha ha" thing and the fact that he cannot write properly..? Hard to say. :-P
Could be a troll too.
The next time you feel like praying to get a busted balloon or a hairy-butted baby or something equally "essential," could you please dial in on the non-emergency number? With junk like this cluttering up the lines, it's no wonder Holey Gawd never answers prayers for world peace, an end to human suffering, etc., etc.
THOSE are your requests for god?
Why didn't the balloon float [unpopped] into your living room after the window mysteriously opened?
Seriously, this is the most fucked up "answered prayer" list that I have ever seen.
Baby with a hairy butt? So your god answers to that request but ignores dying people, the ill and infirm and serious political, ecological and moral issues. It sounds like his priorities are just about as fucked up as yours. What does that tell you?
If prayer really worked, we either be a Judaic, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, or some other theocracy, since the believers of the correct god would have all their prayers answered and all infidels would be gone.
Since the world is a convoluted mess of multiple beliefs, I chose to believe there is no one listening to your, or anyone else's, prayers.
You prayed for the buoyancy of a ballet dancer? That's good you didn't waste it on something stupid like the similar, yet distinctly different, 'Balloon'.
Ooops, I just read farther. It looks like you are impressed by popped balloon remnants in your yard, and consider them to be answered prayers. You shoulda asked for 'ballon'.
Meteorologists are right once in a while.
Your mom fucked the German Shepard. I saw it online.
i prayed for a ballo[o]n lost in a parking lot to a rest[au]ra[]nt[.] i at the time lived 20 miles from said rest[au]ra[]nt. i prayed for the return of my balloon.
God snickered "tee-hee" and referred the prayer to Satan. Satan popped the balloon and dropped its useless remnant in the tree. "Here you go, kid. Just what you asked for. Bwahahahaha ...!"
haahhaahahahahahahahahahaaha
"God, please feed little Jimmy ...his parents passed away from being worked to death"
God: Fuck no!
"God, please give a baby a hairy butt crack to satisfy my urge for vengeance!"
God: sure thing, kid!
Yeah, you're fucked in the head and so's your god.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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