The judge was within his right to display the Ten Commandments in his courthouse
Darn right he was!
Of course, atheists (i.e., liberals) may snivel that there’s a problem with the first four Commandments. But since the judge knows that anyone who’s not a fundamentalist Baptist like he is a godless moron who’ll burn in Hell for it, it behooves him to prevent this terrible eternal fate by posting his version of the 10 commandments: the King James version, of course.
The First Commandment (or the first two, if you’re Jewish) says there’s only one God (or, in some interpretations, if there are other gods, the One God comes first). Now some non-Western heretics accept multiple gods, each with its own role. And some native Americans native un-Americans, if you want the judge’s opinion - believe in a universal spirit force quite different from the person-like God of Abraham. But the judge knows better, and has told us.
The Second Commandment (or part of the First, if you’re Roman Catholic) forbids worshiping “graven images”. But what if some trouble-making, smart-mouthed, Chardonnay-sipping Yankee humanist whines “what’s a graven image”? The judge knows that in 787, Satan, in his earthly guise as the Pope, convened the Seventh Ecumenical Council at Nicaea to answer this question. But such blatant popery isn’t binding on real Christians like the judge. So what if wars have been fought over this issue? Only a commie, fag or Democrat backs down from a good war.
The Third (Second, Fourth?) Commandment says don’t take God’s name in vain. But what does that mean? Ask the proverbial priest, minister and rabbi and you’ll get three different answers. But the judge doesn’t see a problem. Just ask your pastor. Priests and rabbis are tools of the Evil One.
Finally, the Fourth (Third? Fifth?) says to keep the Sabbath holy. Some people differ on what the Sabbath is, and some heathen religions don’t even have one. Satanists (Catholics) distinguish between the Sabbath (Saturday) and the Day of Worship (Sunday). And some misguided nut-cakes, called anti-sabbatarians, believe Jesus excused Christians from Old Testament laws such as the need to keep the Sabbath (e.g., 2 Corinth. 3:2). But the judge knows what the Sabbath is. It’s Sunday. Period. None of this Saturday stuff. Anybody who thinks different had better keep their odd-ball cults out of his part of the country! As for what constitutes “holy”, it means you take a bath, go to church and give proper, worshipful thanks to the Lord. Then you get the rest of the day off for beer-drinkin’ and sports-watchin’ (or, if you’re a woman, cookin’ and floor-scrubbin’). Those people in beards and funny hats who refuse to drive or turn on a light switch are just overdoing it.
Now the judge knows that most of the good people in the Bible Belt are God-fearing little angels. They don’t need the Ten Commandments shoved under their noses to remind them of God’s eternal law, praise the Lord, amen. But some people don’t have that evangelical spirit. They’re devil-spawned pagans who need fundie Baptists to set them straight. Otherwise, they might go to Hell, or worse yet, get drawn into that effete, godless, college-educated, Volvo-driving, Starbucks-latte-sipping Northeast liberal conspiracy that’s destroying American civilization as we know it. And what better way to give them prayerful guidance than to remind them that the fundie Baptists’ personal Holy Spirit watches over things in the judge’s court! Hallelujah. Praise Jesus. Amen. [/sarcasm]
