*why masturbation is bad*
It hurts God, He watches everything and nothing is hidden from
92 comments
If masturbation hurts God, what the hell does the war you so vehemently back do to him? Certainly, if me rubbing one off grieves him so, the deaths of women and children should wound him to the quick, no?
Poor God. Having to watch every time somebody starts slipping a hand into their panties. It must be awful for Him. Luckily I am willing to take this burden upon myself if God will allow it. It'll be poetic, like how God sacrificed for us, so I shall... look, whatever, how do you tune this omnicience into Kirsten Dunst's house?
You reckon your god is omnipotent, which means he must have a choice of whether or not to watch things that hurt him. If he continues to do so, he must therefore be a masochist; are you sure that's an implication you wish to make?
Hey, there's a reason I'm called the Slayer of God. It's not because of my Id persona, but because I'm a chronic masturbator.
Why else do you think I have to wear this freaking plate in front of my crotch?
And it hurts him, why?, now having an orgasm hurts, why exactly?. Besides, I find funny that he "observes". Ok, why doesn't he intervene?
How do they know it hurts god? Why would an omnipotent being care?
But, If it does hurt him why did he 'intelligently' design us with the ability to do something that is enjoyable and doesn't hurt anyone (include self)
PastorofMuppets,
maybe he just heard that somewhere and didn't get the reference...
Benny, is that you?
image
Well, god should take the same advice he supposedly gave in his book: "If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out." (Matthew 18:9) So, if god gets hurt by watching wankers and just can't get over this disgusting habit of his, he should pluck out his eyes. Odin, as I recall, got along well with one eye, so your god who claims to be the biggest, baddest diety of them all, should do OK.
In what way does it hurt God?
Aren't there things that would be far more hurtful? Stuff that he's watching at the same time I'm jacking off? Stuff like
Oh, God really is a pervert.
(I'll leave what's after the elipses up to your imagination. :-P)
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I quite like the way this one tails off into nothing:
"...hidden from" what, too preoccupied to finish your sentence? Not with the bad thing, I hope? Honestly.
I'm so glad I'm not God! Can you imagine, being omniscient? You couldn't even close your eyes! Never mind the rather disturbing watching of wankers when your attention could be elsewhere, a large percentage of humans aren't a treat to see disrobed anyway.
Ooh, check out the sentence that PastorofMuppets writes AFTER this:
"It abuses his gift to you when he gives you a marriage partner, when you obtain pleasure from something other than his gift. Its like saying that Gods gift isnt enough" So God gave me my wife? She didn't have anything to do with it?
Not only does it kill kittens, but it kills god too!?
If cranking one out everyday is going to stop Christian Fundamentalism, I think I just found my new hobby!
"It hurts God, He watches everything and nothing is hidden from"
I'd think he'd be more concerned with war, famine, plague, natural disasters and the brutality of nature in general. Guess your god is more sensitive than I thought.
@lotus whitedragon
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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