[[OP walked in on his roommate masturbating and wonders what to do about the situation from a Catholic perspective]]
Put up a picture of Jesus in his room, that will definitely get him uneasy, guaranteed.
65 comments
nah, i've tried masturbating to jesus, I don't recommend it, you'll just end up with a beard and loincloth fetish...
Well, if you want to know how to fix this from a Catholic perspective, you could always torture him for 3 months and then burn him with fire for his sins.
Bonus points if you can get him to repent before he dies.
Put up a picture of Jesus in his room, that will definitely get him uneasy, guaranteed."
That won't be enough to rattle him. You need to do something to really shake him up, so he never masturbates again. Why don't you try dressing as Jesus Christ and hiding in his wardrobe? Then, when he's doing the nasty, emerge with a bang- maybe have a smoke machine running in the wardrobe for effect and play some dramatic music. You then leap on the bed and scream "I AM JESUS CHRIST AND I DISSAPROVE OF YOUR ACTIONS!" He may go into shock at this point so be ready to summon help, but otherwise have a dramatic exit ready. A flash-bang grenade works well, as the effects have a certain "Road to Damascus" quality that may well see you get a new convert!
Good luck in whatever you try to do! :-D
It doesn't even have to be a picture of Jesus; having your roommate start hanging his shit on your wall is probably enough to unnerve most people. It'd certainly piss me off.
Something tells me some of these guys haven't quite grasped how cohabitation works. Attempting to manipulate someone's behaviour, by trying to control the environment in his personally allocated area, is not exactly conducive to the mutual respect of privacy that is the bedrock of a good relationship with your roommate.
His room, his business. Learn to knock on doors that aren't yours, instead of just barging in.
I suppose that really depends on the sexual preferences of your room-mate.
"Oh jesus, oh jesus, OH GOD!!!!!"
Normally, I come to this site and shake my head in bemusement at the idiocy of fundies. Sometimes the fundie comments are amusing ...but i nearly fell off my chair laughing at the scene proposed by Septic Sceptic. Kudos, my friend, Kudos. I love the idea of Jesus leaping out of the cupboard. Just brilliant!!!
Wow...2 bad jokes came to mind reading the comments here.
@inmate22841
One day Father O'Malley took sick one day, so a member of the parish was asked to man the confessional booth. He was given a cheat sheet with all the appropriate penances that he could think about, until one man threw him a curve ball...confessing to anal sex. Desperate , he pokes his head out of the booth, waves a choir boy over, and asks "What does Father O'Malley usually give for anal sex?"
The choir boy looks at him and says "A pack of gum and some pop."
@Sinisterwing
Or you could just stand there looking at him. That would be plenty awkward. On the other hand, if I were the one jerkin' the merkin, I would have, well... you know... LOCKED THE MOTHER FUCKING DOOR.
It's a wonder there isn't a whole church-created sexual pathology based around images of Jesus and the crucifix...or is there?
EDIT: Beside, a better "cure" would be a picture of his mom.
Well this has worked for me:
Just ask, "You need some help with that?" Roommate bonding ensues.
As for the "Catholic perspective" -gargle with holy water afterwards.
Put up a picture of Jesus in his room, that will definitely get him uneasy, guaranteed.
Better still, put up a picture of Jesus masturbating!
Some of the other answers are good :
Cabin4 - 'I would bring in some literature and leave it around in the bathroom, etc. Indirect help is considerate and would probably help the fellow out more than you would ever know' - I think he's probably got enough literature in the bathroom.
Yerusalyim - 'Wear shower shoes whenever in the room and harrass him mercilessly about it' - Thanks fuck you were never my roomate Yerusalyim.
What if the dude is actually gay? Wouldn't putting up a picture of a hairy guy not help as much as you think?
Oh, and obligatory *FAP*FAP*FAP*FAP*FAP*
Say "oops, I'm sorry, maybe you should lock the door next time". Or something like that. The roommate is responsible for his own "sinning", that has nothing to do with you.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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