(On the do's and don'ts of witnessing
Don't forget baptism. Without baptism there is no remission of sins.
Do witness to every living creature (don't limit who or what you witness to). I have witnessed with success to people, birds, four-legged animals, fish and plants both above and below water.
69 comments
Wow. I've been lurking on this site for quite a while, now, and every time I think that people can't get any more nuts, something comes along and tops it. At least this isn't calling for death and violence, which is kind of a nice change. I'm sure that won't last long, though.
<< Plants? MK: Congratulations! Your keyboard has been baptized and is now saved!
~David D.G.
Perhaps if he'd witnessed to the stingrays, he could have saved Steve Irwin. Then again, maybe he did but since he was under water the rays thought he was saying "bloop bleebus pbbtlooble bopp" which everyone knows is stingray for, "All Steves must die."
I have not laughed this hard in a long, long, LONG time.
If we could talk to the animals, just imagine it
At least if he's busy bothering plants and animals, he ain't bothering people.
That's a good thing, in my book!
Now, this makes me feel better about pouring that kettleful of boiling water into that red ants' nest - I can claim I was baptising them! And since it killed them all, I suppose they all went to heaven right away...
To animals and PLANTS?! "Successfully"??? How???
"Lordy, I'm a good little Christian orchid now! Praised be He! Now I can accept the fact that I look like a vulva! Rejoice!"
I guess Gottservant tramples all the plants after converting them, because every single fucking time he finds out they won't pay tithes to the church, what with having no money, or hands...
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
