[...suddenly I hear a fap, fap, fapping at my chamber door...]
This should paint a clear picture of our lord on that day: no humble words or healings; no acts of kindness; no soothing of souls. On that day, he will be there to put an end to the long, sad history of man by the sheer power of his word alone. On that day, people will be in such utter terror, they will die of heart failure! And on that day, there will be no question that Christ is truly a Warrior!
That battle will be the most gruesome ever seen, with carnage wrought all throught the valley of Megiddo. And Christ will come to take possession of Jerusalem, accompanied by all his saints that were faithful unto him.
For those that are his, this picture is one of victory over the forces of evil. For those who are not, this should be a most frightening image of what is yet to come.
70 comments
"For those that are his, this picture is one of victory over the forces of evil. For those who are not, this should be a most frightening image of what is yet to come."
That's two options. I bet there are at least three.
If ever any more proof were needed that the 'folks' at RR worship death & destruction more than anything else(for others of course) then this is it.
The first part of the post actually mentions all the loving & kindness aspects of their 'Messiah' as recorded in their Holy book but then denies them in this bloodthirsty fantasy.
So any RR lurkers here which is it ?
Is Jesus kind caring & considerate or is he a bloodthirsty genocidal tyrant?
If the latter why is he worthy of respect, let alone worship?
You see this was I don't get. According to these idiots, God has given us (Evil Atheist Conspiracy, the Anti-christ, Lucifer etc) every detail of his battle plans in Revelation. So all we have to do is rather than fight in Meggido,send the Army of DarknessTM to Shropshire, build a few iron chariots, and cane his candy ass!
Why is there no "Blood for the Blood God" comment yet?
Also, why would anyone worship a monster like that?
This should paint a clear picture of our lord on that day
While technically correct, given the divine status of your "lord" it is customary to capitalize the "L".
For those who are not, this should be a most frightening image of what is yet to come.
Oh no, it isn't. See, it's not real, so, it's not all that frightening to me. Much in the same way I can watch horror movies and not have nightmares. I know the difference between fiction and reality.
Jesus Christ...
Jesus Christ...
Jesus Christ, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
Jesus Christ, FUCK YEAH!
Genocide is the only way yeah,
Heathens your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
Jesus Christ, FUCK YEAH!
And I will fap as he makes you crawl,
Jesus Christ, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow
FUCK YEAH!
Bible Study, FUCK YEAH!
Evangelists, FUCK YEAH!
Rapture Ready, FUCK YEAH!
Creationism, FUCK YEAH!
Homophobic, FUCK, YEAH!
Christian Rock, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH!
FUCK YEAH!......
No, you see my lovely boy, you are a bit mixed-up. What it is, you are a lover of violence and carnage and operate on a bestial level, and Christ is a symbol of love and peace. Love and peace, also known as the difficult choices, and the hard path to follow. The idea is, is to quell the ravening urges of base man, as you yourself so prominently display, and having conquered them, to adjust to civilization and be a good boy.
That may not gel with your masturbatory fantasies, but it is the truth. Which is why I recommend that you convert to Christianity, for it will serve you better than the current inanity in which you engage. I say that even though I'm an atheist, but I'd rather see you civil and decent than locked up in an institution of some sort.
Love and peace, Pule.
The frightening image is of you, Robert, and the others from RR who squeal with glee at images of death and destruction. You who take delight at images of absolute brutality. You who have not one tiny grain of compassion anywhere in your twisted psyches. If there is any kind of deity or post-death judgement, then I strongly suspect you and your ilk are destined for an eternity at the bottom of the to be crapped on’ list.
Fapping at the door? Um, no this has to be a Poe, or super clueless. Quick, someone post a big NO FAPPING sign.
This was funny enough to make my morning.
Err, no. I'll just sayeth: "Luci, I forgive you. Let's go home.". And she'll say "Sure mom. Can my younger angelic brothers and sisters come with me?" and I'll replieth:"Of course, silly. I love you all."
Then she'll standeth still for a second, a little ashamed. I'll asketh "What is it, dear?". And she'll say, just a little pouty "No more singing songs in your glory. I'm a big girl now."
I'll sayeth "Alright. I got bored of them, anyway."
The End
And that's the true story about "Rapture".
This should paint a clear picture of our lord on that day: no humble words or healings; no acts of kindness; no soothing of souls.
Christianity, you're doing it wrong.
"[...suddenly I hear a fap, fap, fapping at my chamber door...]"
Ha I remember using that phrase a year or two back on a similar quote.
"That battle will be the most gruesome ever seen, with carnage wrought all throught the valley of Megiddo. And Christ will come to take possession of Jerusalem, accompanied by all his saints that were faithful unto him."
It will be so epic that Dragonforce will write a whole album inspired by it!
Err, no. I'll just sayeth: "Luci, I forgive you. Let's go home.". And she'll say "Sure mom. Can my younger angelic brothers and sisters come with me?" and I'll replieth:"Of course, silly. I love you all."
Then she'll standeth still for a second, a little ashamed. I'll asketh "What is it, dear?". And she'll say, just a little pouty "No more singing songs in your glory. I'm a big girl now."
I'll sayeth "Alright. I got bored of them, anyway."
The End
And that's the true story about "Rapture". -- G0d
That's kind of the idea Origen has in the 2nd Century: at the end of time, God will forgive Satan, pardon the damned, and everyone goes into Paradise and lives happily ever after.
He was unfortunately condemned for that view.
Oh, and....
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!!
G0d, I double dog dare you to post that on rapture ready.
Robert: Sure thing, kiddo. I'll bring heart medications and machine gun.
On that day, he will be there to put an end to the long, sad history of man by the sheer power of his word alone.
That battle...
And Christ will come to take possession of Jerusalem, accompanied by all his saints that were faithful unto him.
His word alone, eh?
@Clown: as I allegedly said to Lucy in the book of Job: You're on!
If I get it to stay on RR boards for a whole week, you'll cleaneth the house for the whole next month. If not, you choose what do you want me to do.
Why aren't there any Warhammer fans on RR ? Really, why aren't you guys into that, it's exactly what you're constantly babbling about.
*ding*
I should make a table-top game based on the bible...I'd be rich...I'd live like a king...LIKE A KING.
I could sell creationist biology books. Easy to write and they'll definitely sell MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAA.
@G0d: if you do succeed, not only that I'll clean the house for a month, but I'll pleasure you with my mouth. Twice.
If you fail though, you won't have any headache's and won't be wearing any panties for a week. And wear only skirts while in the house. Deal?
Look...
You fundies are the worst armed of us all... See you think "ma handgun and rifle are gonna shoot me some infidels"
when we have things like fighter jets, helicopters and tanks...
Guess whose going to have more of them? Certainly not you guys...
Is Jesus=Khorne a meme?
Cause its AWESOME
"The Slavonic copy of Josephus’s Capture of Jerusalem, contains the following description of a man wanted by Pontius Pilate for claiming that he was the King of the Jews: “a man of simply appearance, mature age, dark skin, small stature, three cubits high, hunchbacked with a long face, long nose, and meeting eyebrows
with scanty hair with a parting in the middle of his head, after the manner of the Nazarites, and with an undeveloped beard (Quoted in Knight & Lomas, 1996, p. 230)"
Source: http://www.jesuspolice.com/common_error.php?id=13
Wow, scary awesome warrior dude!
What about the billions of people living far, far away from the valley of Meggido, of Jerusalem? We in northern Europe won't notice a thing, not to mention you guys across the Atlantic, if an earthquake obliterated all of Israel.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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