The life of a typical 5+ female

"Wake up to 23 text messages waiting to be answered on your phone. Check your email/facebook/twitter and have 295 likes on that new selfie you took of yourself. You want more attention though, so you shower up, put some clothes on, put on the makeup, and snap a quick selfie of yourself that you quickly upload to facebook. Maybe this one will get you even more likes.

Get on the bus, and several men stand up to give you their seat. Meanwhile your phone is rattling with text messages of several white knights, two alpha studs, and your best friend who wants to go shopping. You get hit on by a nice guy on the bus who is slightly above average looking, but not good enough so you friendzone him before he asks for your number. Get off the bus, head to class, where the professor gives a lecture on how women have it so difficult in America and how there is still male privilege out there. You grit your teeth at how unfair women have it. Men are pigs!

You check your facebook and you have 113 likes for your selfie (don't worry, it's still midday). You accidentally trip on your way to work and 29 men and several women come over to help you and ask you if you are ok and if they could help you walk to your destination. You refuse, and check on your cell phone. Sally is bitching about Maggie, and although you hate them both, they are your best friends and you love it when they talk **** about each other to you, cause you love the drama.

After walking past a parade of men at work who tell you how amazing and pretty you are, you meet up with Travis for a quickie. He's a drug dealer, but he has a motorcycle and plays drums in a band. Who cares if he still lives with his parents and he's 27? He's hot.

After that, you meet up with your girlfriends to go clubbing. You are hit on by an uncountable amount of men, and after using several of them for free drinks, you ditch them and start dancing with your girlfriends. Several more average looking guys try to dance with you. Even a manlet tries to dance, and you laugh him off. Finally, you run into two hot guys and they start grinding up against you and your girlfriend. You leave the dance floor and go make out with one of them for awhile. Your fat girlfriend comes over to cock block you (after all, the night is still young) and you leave him to go find other hotter studs. You notice in the bathroom that you've gained some weight. Who cares though, you're an indepdent woman, and men should learn to love women with curves. You gossip and take some more selfies with your girlfriends in the bathroom, then you head back out to the dance floor.

As you dance some more, some fat of yours rubs up on another woman from another group, and she gets pissed. You throw your drink on her, and thousands of white knights come to aid both sides. The bouncer would kick you out, but you are unaccountable for your actions, since, after all, you are a woman. A guy that looks like Brad Pitt comes over to talk to you. Sure, he's alright, but he's probably only 5'10 and not that cute. You make out with a few men, until you find a guy that looks like Thor who you bring home. You ditch your friends and get ****ed by alpha cock.

In the morning you wake up to 38 text messages...and your selfie you uploaded yesterday had 374 likes! Today is going to be a good day!"