The Holy Spirit is an amazingly complex personality who has an insatiable appetite for glory and zero tolerance for Jesus and Yahweh being disrespected. The Holy Spirit is the last Guy you want to be screwing around with and yet He’s also the One controlling your relationship with your Gods. You see, you can’t possibly succeed with your Creators until you know what They want, and the Holy Spirit is the One who controls your access to spiritual understanding. The Holy Spirit can manipulate your soul easier than you can shape a lump of soft clay. In the blink of an eye, the Holy Spirit can wipe all spiritual wisdom and understanding from your mind and reduce you to an ignorant bumpkin who wouldn’t recognize Jesus if you tripped over Him.

The Holy Spirit is a huge fan of revenge, and He is all for the idea of eternally torturing souls who refuse to properly submit to their Creators on earth. If you get on His good side, you will find the Holy Spirit to be the most gracious, kind, gentle, encouraging, loving, and amazing Being in existence. Once you’ve spent enough time with Him, you can’t imagine life without Him. He’s simply irreplaceable—as are Jesus and Yahweh. All three of our Creators are endlessly fascinating and utterly addictive to be around. But They are zealously devoted to Each Other. If you offend One, you offend Them all. If you defy One, They all retaliate. There is no way to divide and conquer, and before you can even get to square one with any of Them, you have to deal with the Holy Spirit. He is the Gatekeeper—the One who controls your access to both salvation and spiritual maturity. If you irritate the Holy Spirit too much for too long, He will write you off as permanently damned, at which point it will be impossible for you to obtain salvation. Here’s a second major mistake people make about God: they assume that salvation will always be available to them.

Salvation is not like the automatic door to a grocery store that slides open the moment you come within view of the motion sensing camera. Salvation is more like a private party that you don’t even know is happening until you receive an invitation in the mail. Without that invitation, you don’t know when or where the party will be. The Holy Spirit is the One who sends out the invitations, but they’re a special kind of invitation. The Holy Spirit is like the captain of a ship who comes to rescue you from a desert island where you are stranded. When the Holy Spirit calls out to you to come aboard His ship, He expects you to hop to it. If you ask Him to wait until you’ve finished your lunch or to come back at at a more convenient time, He leaves, and that might be the last you ever see of Him. Don’t fall for the popular lie that your Gods are always willing to take you. They most certainly are not. The Holy Spirit will only give you a limited number of chances to come and get right with your Gods by sufficiently submitting to Them. You have no idea how many chances the Holy Spirit will give you, and you won’t get any help with this mystery by looking around at how He deals with other people.

The Holy Spirit treats us all differently. Look around at the world, and notice how everyone’s dying at different ages. While we spend enormous effort tracking causes of death, there’s only ever one real explanation for why someone died: God killed them. Death is when the Holy Spirit decides to separate your soul from your body and transfer your soul on to a different dimension. He could decide to do this with you at any time. Maybe He’ll kill you tomorrow. Maybe He’ll kill you thirty years from now. Maybe He’ll take you tonight in your sleep. You really have no idea, nor do you have any control over how and when He decides to end your tour of earth. Your diet, your health, the quality of your genes—none of these factors determine when God will decide to kill you. He’ll kill you when He’s in the mood to do so, and there’s nothing you can do to speed Him up or slow Him down. Many souls fall for the ridiculous notion that they’ll control when they die by committing suicide. Do you know how many suicide attempts God botches every day? You are not in control of the length of your life, the timing of your death, or God’s receptiveness towards you. This is why the idea of trying to manipulate God is so utterly ludicrous. You can’t manipulate Someone who controls every aspect of your existence.