I think it's best I stay anonymous with this.
Not because I want to flame anyone from the cover of darkness, simply because I'm not ready to tell anyone this face to face.
I was sexually assaulted by girls in high school, I'm male.
I was a kid with ADD, came through a long list of special schools before being let loose in the savage urban jungle of high school.
I won't go into any details, but I'll never forget them, but I'll tell you what happened after that.
I've been homeless for several periods since then, I've done crimes when I dropped out of high school and sometimes hurt people - never sexual assault but I had anger issues, still do. I've had my arse kicked a number of times, had my life in danger more than a few times, I'm still here.
I'd been sexually assaulted since then, by police.
Since then I returned to university as an adult student, got a job, joined a football club. Regular guy.
But I still get nightmares.
I still have problems with explosive anger. I still have to avoid alchohol because of that, getting drunk in bars anyway - I'm not a very sociable drunk.
I have, until recently had big problems relating to the opposite sex.
I got a question.
If men are supposed to suck it up, why did I punch those brick walls until my knuckles bled?
Hey, I never whinged about this to anyone, but punching walls, whats up with that?
I've been in a few scrapes, I play rugby but I can't work out how to suck this up!
If men are supposed to suck this shit up without help, why do I need these vallies and this efexor shit?
Is taking anxiety medication womanly? I'm six foot football playing, meat eating, beer drinking and tattooed. Am I in danger of becoming effeminate because my meds?
Why do I get these heart palpitations, I'm fit, healthy - I don't smoke, not anymore anyway!
Why do I find it hard to let go of my anger? How come I can keep a grudge for years and nurture it and brood on it and let it out in one big explosive blast? I don't know.
I don't know if this is how people act after they've been raped, apparently I can't really be raped anyway.
Tell you guys what, how do you think I'd act if a woman turned on me now? Whaddaya think huh?
One did, she went berserk, threw all sorts of things at me, swore at me, slapped me. Kept waking me up to throw things at me for 12 hours straight.
What do you think I did?
I told her I don't hit women, and if she kept going I'd call the cops. She kept going I called the cops.
She didn't get arrested but she left my house and I drew a line in the sand. We're still friends to this day, and she doesn't try to pull that shit with me anymore!
Now I can understand hate, I understand that it's an irrational response to pain. We have a duty to be rational however hard that might be, I could have lost it with the woman I just talked about I didn't because I have a duty to society not to do that.
Get some new stereotypes, yours need changing people!
