Janet Porter says it is "time to fight for your lives!" and lays out five ways to do so, with numbers 4 and 5 being prayer and fasting, which are necessary because America "made the choice of death last November" and is therefore cursed for electing Barack Obama:
4. Fast. That's right. High octane prayer – a weapon they don't have. Have one more Christmas cookie, and then let God know we're serious about our desperate need for Him to intervene and rescue us from the consequences of our actions. America made the choice of death last November, and as Deuteronomy 30:19 tells us, there are some consequences for such action. They're called curses. The good news is there is a way to break a curse. It's called repentance, which leads me to my next point.
5. Reserve your calendar for May 1, 2010. We're going to meet at the Lincoln Memorial at sunrise for "May Day – A cry to God for a nation in distress." We're not gathering to do cartwheels for the media in hopes that they'll give us a 20-second sound bite. Our goal isn't to impress the Washington elite. We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe. As we step out in obedience, following the checklist God gave us in 2 Chronicles 7:14 to humble ourselves, repent and pray, to seek God's face and turn from our wicked ways, it is our hope that God will look down and see enough of a remnant to hear us from heaven, forgive our sins and heal our land.
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"We're not gathering to do cartwheels for the media in hopes that they'll give us a 20-second sound bite. Our goal isn't to impress the Washington elite. We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe. "
Um, isn't your god supposed to be omnipresent? So it shouldn't matter where you are. Stop lying, you'll be doing this for the attention.
Our goal isn't to impress the Washington elite
Fucking liar. You chose D.C. for that very purpose.
And why are they now "elite," when, for the previous 8 years, they were "god's chosen?" And we all know how badly they fucked everything up...
And when nothing happens after the prayers, what then?
Are you going to claim there were too few praying? Or is God just stalling? Why do you need so many to pray? Is there a quota that has to be filled before God gets off his lazy ass?
I've never understood why they need "High octane prayer" It's almost like their God doesn't exist. Nahhh .. that can't be the case, can it?
How much do you want to bet that if things start improving after "May Day" they'll credit it to their celebration working, even if it only starts happening months after May?
And if it doesn't work, it'll either be "God's will", or no one there believed hard enough.
High octane prayer a weapon they don't have.
My weapons are logic and reason. I think they'll be a bit more effective than yours.
America made the choice of death last November
Says you. If conservatives truly dominate this country, how was this ever allowed to happen? Political apathy on the GOP's part, that's how. Boo-fucking-hoo. Too late to cry like a baby 'cause you don't like how this country's being run. Shoulda participated in the election since it's your civic duty.
We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe.
And if he doesn't answer the phone? Then what?
On the other hand. Any objective observer would note that no major catastrophes have struck the good ol' U.S.A. and, in fact, there are many good things happening in the world.
Haiti just got shit upon by Mother Nature and there's still plenty of war and other disasters around the globe, but we're not doing so bad. And much of what's worst about life in today's America is the result of thirty years of contributions from right-wing fundies like Ms. Porter.
Fortunately, it's seems like the vast moderate majority finally got motivated enough to vote out fundies in record numbers. And it's insane drivel like this quote that will, hopefully, continue the trend.
Fast. That's right. High octane prayer a weapon they don't have.
I suggest you fast until such time as your god removes Obama from government. Please do. Please
Have one more Christmas cookie,
Because if you're going to fast, you better pork yourself up first.
We're not gathering to do cartwheels for the media in hopes that they'll give us a 20-second sound bite. Our goal isn't to impress the Washington elite. We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe.
The creator of the Universe lives in Washington?
image
We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe.
Can God be forced to do something if enough people pray at the same time? Why exactly would a thousand people praying together have more influence over God's actions than one person (or even none)? Doesn't God already know what He's doing? Jesus said He did: "But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen [do]: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him ."
Exactly what "wicked ways" since the election of Obama are you going to repent to God for? Opposing health care for the poor?
I think this is great..we need to vote democrat more often, as these nut jobs will stop eating and cause pain to themselves...LOL..GOOD!
Thats what you get when you are a dumfuk.
> We're not gathering to do cartwheels for the media... Our goal isn't to impress the Washington elite... We are gathering at our nation's capitol to humble ourselves <
BWAAAHAhahahahahahaha*gasp*HAHAhahahahah*choke/wheeze*
Heeeeeeeeee
> We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe.
He shall not answer you in a city you have chosen as the capital of your nation, but one of the nations under His lead. He shall answer you in His chosen city. He has very specifically asked you to ask for audiences in Jerusalem. That's the city in Israel. It's in a completely different country.
...Oh, the arrogance of some people...
As a very liberal, atheist, I'm just a quakin' in my boots, fearing the power of hungry, weak, Christian cranks gathering together to pray. (shudder)
P.S. If you believe, as the Bible says, that all government officials are ordained by God, you have to believe that Obama is just as ordained as Bush and Cheney.
Seriously, if "God" had planned things out from the beginning of time to the end of time, isn't praying really just asking "Him" to go off "His" plan because it's inconvenient to you? Also, isn't "God" supposed to be everywhere, thus making the whole idea of asking for an audience with "Him" at a specific place kind of unnecessary?
Also, leave May Day out of this. It's a spring celebration that marks the birth of livestock, the sowing of crops and the rebirth of the world after winter.
How many of you have to fast and pray before your god responds? 100? 500? 1,000? I wouldn't have thought the creator of the universe was hard of hearing.
And by all means, fast for the next 3 months. That will solve all your problems.
Matthew 6:5
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full."
See! Even your god doesn't want to listen to you.
"... let God know we're serious about our desperate need for Him to intervene and rescue us from the consequences of our actions."
Yes, that's what your religion is best at; relieving you of the responsibility for your own actions. Well done. You are the true heroes of humankind... no, I'm serious.
"Have one more Christmas cookie"
Because a sugar crash is an excellent way to fuel an extended period without food. Fasting doesn't do a damned thing (good, anyway).
Y'know, there was this bit somewhere about leaders being put into place by God, and to always follow them. Where was it, let's see...Oh yeah, THE BIBLE!
We're not gathering to do cartwheels for the media in hopes that they'll give us a 20-second sound bite. Our goal isn't to impress the Washington elite. We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe.
Well, then, why go there specifically? Isn't God everywhere? You guys could just go to some other major city.
...You do realize that she's probably choosing May Day because of the phonetic similarity to the airplane distress call, yes?
Humorous bit; it's actually a slight corruption of "m'aidez" or thereabouts, a French invocation of the Virgin Mary. Considering that it's extremely likely to be of Catholic origin, and the sharp-line right has little use for anything Catholic...well...
Romans is quite clear on this, oppose Obama (or any other politician) and you're going straight to Hell:
13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
...a parade in DC, composed of cartwheeling anorexics with their hair on fire.
Pay attention ex-Warsaw Pact, that's how May Day should be celebrated.
ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe.
"I'm sorry, the diety you have dialled is not avaialble at the moment. Please leave a message, and we'll get back to you as soon as we can."
"Janet Porter says it is "time to fight for your lives!""
No Muse says that, or sings that. Either way Knights Of Cydonia is way more awesome than you.
"High octane prayer"
Because an omniscient god might not notice you otherwise.
"let God know we're serious about our desperate need for Him to intervene and rescue us from the consequences of our actions."
So you want him to fix all your problems because you're too lazy?
"May Day A cry to God for a nation in distress."
I always thought of May Day as that big Communist parade they used to throw.
"We're not gathering to do cartwheels for the media"
Bullshit. The media is god. Fear it.
"We are gathering at our nation's capitol to ask for an audience with the Creator of the universe."
I'd go to the top of Mt. Everest it's probably closer to him. And only the truly faithful will make it.
"4. Fast. That's right. High octane prayer a weapon they don't have."
Let's hope you guys keep it up til you get heard. By that of course, I mean until you all die of hunger
"5. Reserve your calendar for May 1, 2010. We're going to meet at the Lincoln Memorial at sunrise for "May Day A cry to God for a nation in distress." "
Anyone else see the irony of using a calendar day commemorating worker's rights for this purpose.
If your god is omnipresent, shouldn't it be enough for all of you to pray at the same time in the comfort of your homes? If you're serious about it not being to whore yourselves out to the media, that is.
After all, your god told you to keep your praying to yourself, to do them in private.
"That's right. High octane prayer a weapon they don't have."
But we have light sabers, and magic wands, and phasers, weapons which you don't have.
Yeah you keep praying if you think that will change anything. On a local highway I often pass by a sign that says "Pray to end abortion." Doesn't seem to help much.
And I think it's funny how they think that going without food will make God hear their prayers even better. "God I'm pretty hungry down here so you better be listening to me!"
And why do they think that they need to meet in Washington DC to talk to God? Oh yeah, God is not only an American, but a Republican as well. But I think it would be funny to be there when all five dedicated, fasting Christians show up to pray Obama out of office.
The funny thing is that in January 2017 when Obama leaves office they'll all be saying, "See? Fasting and praying for him to leave office worked! Praise God!"
Yes, fast away. That'll show them.
No food and not a drop of water for you guys until, let's say, spring. And have your kids join in. The more the merrier and it will really get Jeebus' attention.
You'll have us evilutionist, Muslim, commie libruls on the ropes once all of you drop dead of hunger.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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