Here's a good way to resist the temptation to masturbate.
The next time you feel like you want to masturbate, get a fat, black, sharpie magic marker and write the word "Jesus" on your palm. That should do it.
85 comments
Why should we care? Why should we resist? Why should we stop? If you can answer those questions in a way that doesn't involve God, Jesus, (Christian-based) morality, or any other such nonsense, then I'll stop.
I can just picture Mac trying to explain this to friends:stop ."
"Does that actually work?"
"It did for a while, but now whenever I read the Bible I think of masturbation."
So, this guy wants us to all jerk off on Jesus? Wow, more twisted than normal but..
mad dog, are you saying you're an ambidexterous wanker?
"The next time you feel like you want to masturbate, get a fat, black,"
Hmmmm, better still, get two!Show and Tell '".
Julian are you trying to win an award for yourself or something? Your # of posts is a more extreme form of masturbation than bondage gags, tuna fish, bullwhips and electronic french ticklers put together.
Your # of posts is a more extreme form of masturbation than bondage gags, tuna fish, bullwhips and electronic french ticklers put together. tuna fish ?? Is that what you like?
Oh great, Jesus has taken me from 1-2 times a day to 5-6 :(
The next time you feel like masturbating, Mac, go and submit something insanely idiotic on the internet so that others can laugh. Thank you.
Oh. I see. A whole tribe of you are already doing it.
Sarcastic: so in this magic ritual, Jesus is supposed to trigger your orgasm and ejaculation so that you can enjoy handless relief?
But actually, if you feel like it, it's probably healthier to just do what your body needs, if the circumstances allow it. Sex taboos are generally part of the manipulation agenda of authoritarian exploitators who want to control you and profit from you. Dictating what you should or not do with your own body in private is evidence of intrusion in your private life. There also are other ways to do it than with one's hand.
While appealing to ancient human scripture to dictate one's current life is already problematic, there's not even a valid Biblical-based argument to discourage masturbation. In one legend the war god murdered a man for spilling the semen but it wasn't because of masturbation, but because it was supposedly his patriarch duty to impregnate the widow. There then are words that could be translated to "porn" and "fornication" but no clear definition of what they are supposed to be. Denominations interpret "fornication" in many ways, some include masturbation. Scientific evidence nevertheless shows that masturbation is universal and healthy and that shaming about it is unhealthy.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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