[But for the record, you do think they spoke English and wrote the original Bible in English (which is not KJV1611), and then it was translated to Hebrew, correct?]
Incorrect.
My belief ... (at the risk of correcting you, which I've supposedly never done before) ... is that the original autographs from Genesis 1 to the Tower of Babel were written in English.
In other words, Adam wrote Genesis 1 & 2 in English; Seth wrote Genesis 3 & 4 in English; Noah wrote Genesis 5-9 in English; Shem wrote Genesis 10 in English; then Abraham wrote Genesis 11-25 in Hebrew.
Moses then edited the entire book of Genesis (into Hebrew), and that's why Genesis is titled, The First Book of Moses.
(Something like that.)
66 comments
Oh AV1611VET, how I've missed you.
I don't even know where to begin. But evidently Adam did and he began it in English.
This makes me wish I was religious, so I could pray for this being a parodist.
God-Lord-Sweet-Jesus-Holy-fuckiti-fuck that is stupid.
English didn't exist as a language then, and even if it did, the events in the Bible didn't take place in England.
How can anyone with a brain believe the Bible was originally written in English!
Omfg
history FAILEVERYTHING FAIL
I try to avoid name-calling, but dear fucking Ceiling Cat, you are a COMPLETE MORON.
Except that did not exist.
In the 9th century the Angles, Saxons, and Gaels started creating a creole of all three languages, and that creole became English.
"In other words, Adam wrote Genesis 1 & 2 in English; Seth wrote Genesis 3 & 4 in English; Noah wrote Genesis 5-9 in English; Shem wrote Genesis 10 in English; then Abraham wrote Genesis 11-25 in Hebrew."
I've leave the English-related WTF to other commenters, but something else amuses me here:
Did I read this, or did I pass out for a second and dream it?
*looks up and re-reads*
Fuck.
And, to those who believe AV1611 is just a dedicated Poe, I regret to inform you that he is, in fact, batshit insane. This is comparatively tame. His dedication to the idea that the 1611 KJV is the One True Translation means that even the Russian judge awards him a "10" in the Mental Gymnastics overall competition.
If English is God's language, why don't Jesus speaks them?
And I don't speak American English, I speak FREEDOM AND LIBERTY!!!
Well, you can believe whatever you like, but the fact is that English didn't exist in a form that would be intelligible to a modern English speaker until the late Middle Ages, about 600 years or so ago.
You know why Adam, Seth and Noah wrote in English? Cuz' they were Murikans, that's why. All the events happened in the good ol' USA.
Abraham was the first Israeli, so he wrote in Hebrew.
Clear now?
My belief is that Genesis was written in Esperanto on a laptop computer in a Boeing 747 flying at 36 000 feet above Manhattan.
Well, it's just as likely.
Not only was there no English, but there was no England when the old testament was written.
Please, please tell me that this isn't serious...Please...
@justanotheratheist: Hee!
@D Laurier: Uh...you are...kind of pretty wrong, though nothing like as wrong as the crazy guy. The Angles and Saxons both went in speaking early Germanic dialects, and the Danes went in speaking Old Norse. Danish is the modern language spoken in Denmark, and different again from what 'the Danes' of the day used, it having been over a thousand years. Scandinavia boasts a high linguistic retention rate, but not that high.
Creolization both in the Saxon kingdoms and the Danelaw was ongoing from the point the first waves arrived and began to overwhelm the Britons. (I.e. the period that gave us King Arthur, when the descendants of Roman Britain were conquered and the ancestors of the Welsh driven into the hills.)
Raised by Horses: I say, it was dash clever of the Bible's authors to write the gospels in a language that didn't even exist in their own time.
It's another miracle from the hand of the almighty god! Can't you see? :) Hehehe. Sorry, I can't keep a straight face.
Even if AV1611VET were a Poe, he would still be an incredibly offensive ignorant fool.
Parodists can only get away with their satire if they are funny or insightful. He is very obviously neither.
What variety of English did Adam et al write Genesis in? Was it written in Old English, which hadn't developed yet? Wait, don't tell me. It was written in modern American English, right? The same language that God apparently speaks these days, having moved on from Hebrew and Greek.
Yeah, it was translated into a language that didn't exist yet. Makes sense.
This whole idea of the bible being written in English, along with the idea of a blond haired, blue eyed, light-skinned Jesus just proves even further that God was created in man's image. But it's worse than that, these idiots believe that God is not only an American, but a Republican as well.
@Hasan
Tony comes from Antonio which is a Italian/Spanish name as opposed to English. Though honestly in America we've put so many names from cultures other than English into our naming system its hard to figure out what's really an ENGLISH name and what's something that's just been anglicized. Doesn't help that English is a fusion of Saxon germanic culture, a little celtic, and Norman French culture.
There's about as much chance the Bible was originally written in English as there is it was written in Klingon since neither of those languages existed at the time.
And isn't the oldest existing Bible from the fifth century or thereabouts?
I've gone back and forth over the years on whether or not AV1611VET is a Poe or not. On one hand, I don't want to believe that it is possible for a human being to be that deluded. On the other hand, how would it be possible for someone to keep up this level of trolling, day in and day out, for years at a time? Most people can't troll CF for more than 3 posts before cracking. And what would be the purpose of a troll for this long. This whole mess makes no sense.
And here, we have definitive proof that AV1611VET should be mandatorily placed in a mental healthcare facility.
It's obvious that he is not well.
This actually makes a tiny bit of sense, albeit in a completely deluded and blatantly wrong way.
If you accept the story of the Tower of Babel as true (which, obviously, we don't and he does), then it might be possible to justify the assumption that the pre-Babel language was lost until millennia of divine intervention managed to recreate it. And if you're going down that route, then you might as well assume the original language was English.
Basically, it makes narrative sense, even if it's historical bullshit.
My belief is that Nyarlathotep and Hastur originally wrote Genesis in Aklo as a joke and eventually decide to substitute names, translated it into Hebrew, and Nyarlathotep released it under the pseudonym/guise of Moses. They later wrote the New Testament to mock Yog-Sothoth's crazy plan of mating with some pathetic mortal organic lifeform without any tentacles to create hybrids to prepare for the awakening of the Great Old Ones, even though those hybrids would be fragile enough that they could easily be killed by their other parent's species.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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