JFLmaxxx #fundie old.reddit.com

I ascended. FINALLY.

Well, guys. It finally happened. I must say that at the ripe old age of 32 I finally fucked a willing foid.

It all happened after I indulged in some good ol' xvidz and stood up, hadn't been a while since I left my desk but I didn't remember the floor being so far from my face lol! Turns out JFLmaxx's been measuring his height while seated the whole time: 5'8" is my seated height -- I'm actually 6'4"!

So I walk to the restroom to clean the shame off my hands and inspect my face. I comb through my beard in a hopeless attempt to feel bone structure underneath and -- OUCH! I seem to have cut my hand. And wouldn't you know it! I shaved it all off to see what was the cause of the laceration. Yup, that's right: a razor sharp jaw line. LMAO! I couldn't believe it!

And with the depth perception error, my measured penis is actually 7" I thought it just looked small. Turns out I was just tall and it was just far.

On my way out I bumped into the door and my sunglasses came off (I have sensitive eyes) and was startled when I looked up, crystal clear blue eyes and light skin. LMAO I THOUGHT I WAS HISPANIC BECAUSE THE TINT OF THE LENSES MADE ME LOOK MEXICAN! I seem to be some sort of Scandinavian blend!

Oh MAN!

So anyway. I go to answer the door because these Mormons have been knocking at my door all week. Nope: a line of foids. They'd been there camped out the whole time.

Welp, I guess things end up working out for the best after all eh guys??

Oh, and ps. I still have Norwood 3 FYI.

Edit: LOL OMG I THOUGHT YOU GUYS MEANT THE SHOW DEADWOOD. No, I have Deadwood season 3!!! No I took off my beanie finally. My hairline is the exact angle and shape as my brow line. WHO. WOULD. HAVE. GUESSED.

Edit 2: Gold?? Thank you kind strangler! (:

Confused?

So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

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