It's time to go Phoenix Wright on this fundie's proverbial ass.
"I was only able to watch the first 20 minutes of this garbage before I had to turn off the movie."
HOLD IT!
This movie is approximately 138 minutes long (according to my DVD copy). How can you possibly judge it fairly after only 20 minutes? Sheesh, at that point, Blackout's probably the only Transformer you've seen in robot mode (it's not certain whether Scorponok's scorpion mode is his robot mode or his alt mode).
"Presumably it's made for kids but I think any parent who let's their kid watch this poison is guilty of child abuse."
OBJECTION!
The film is rated PG-13, and thus it is clearly not made for kids. The film seems to have been aimed primarily at teenagers and fans of the 80s cartoon.
Also, while I agree that the film is not entirely suitable for children, I wouldn't qualify showing it to a child as "child abuse". That's just trivialising real child abuse.
"This movie is all about cultural subversion"
OBJECTION!
That's funny, every other comment I've seen about this film suggests that it's about giant alien robots (a.k.a. Transformers) fighting each other, with mankind caught in the middle - hence the tagline, "Their war. Our world."
about the continued destruction of this formerly white Christian nation
OBJECTION!
The majority of human characters in this film are white, and the characters of other races tend to be primarily the butt of jokes.
Also, Treaty of Tripoli, bitch.
I feel so validated now.
the action is only the vehicle for the movie's true purpose.
OBJECTION!
If you knew anything about the film's director, Michael Bay, you'd know he's an action junkie. The action is the film's true purpose.
This movie will bombard your child with inappropriate and unnecessary sexual innuendo,
OBJECTION!
You don't get it, do you? This film isn't aimed at children, and it's primary human character is a teenager. Of course there's going to be sexual innuendo, because that adds some realism to a story that is literally out of this world.
anti-Christian jokes (a snide, 'what would Jesus say?' remark by the Jewish actor "LaBeouf"),
OBJECTION!
Um, I don't know what to object to first. Oh well, here goes:
1. You say "jokes", yet you only give one. This is a clear contradiction, your honour!
2. It was "What would Jesus do?", not "What would Jesus say?". If you'd been paying the slightest bit of attention to the film's plot - as opposed to just looking for things to be offended by - you'd have realised that, if only from the context.
3. How is asking "What would Jesus do?" anti-Christian? If anything, it seems pro-Christian, because it's holding Jesus up as a good example to follow.
4. Shia is an actor, so it doesn't matter what his religion is, as long as he can act (which, in my opinion, he can, for the most part).
"and other garbage."
HOLD IT!
Such as, you foolish fool who foolishly clings to his foolish foolishness?
(Okay, that was a Franziska von Karma thing, but you get the idea)
"I'm sure the script writers were choking on their bagels with laughter as they wrote this crap."
HOLD IT!
You can't just claim that they were eating bagels without providing evidence! Your honour, I move that this witness be held in contempt of court!
That said, your point does have some logic. I'm sure the script writers did laugh when writing this script, because, unlike you, they seem to have a sense of humour.
"Not only should you not waste your time and money on this movie,"
OBJECTION!
I watched this film twice in the cinemas, and have purhcased and watched the DVD. I've gotten many hours of enjoyment from this film and its connected media. How is that a waste of time and money?
"you should be ashamed that you financially supported your own humiliation."
HOLD IT!
How exactly does this film humiliate me? Oh, that's right, it doesn't.
*Throws entire post at Joe Healthy*
TAKE THAT!
