Simon Clasper #fundie

Simon Clasper #fundie facebook.com

COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM??? Take this simple test to find out. 1. Do you have more wives than teeth? 2. Do you own a £250000 rocket launcher but can't afford shoes ? 3.Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to beer ? 4. Do you think vest come in two styles? buillet-proof & suicide? And most significantly 5. Do you scrape the shit off your sweaty arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean?!

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old comment by whatever

1. Yes. I chose them by plotting all their menstrual periods on a calendar and choosing women whose periods don't coincide, so I'll always have the chance of sex with at least two of them whenever I feel like it.
2. Yes (it was £280000 actually). I'm planning a trip to Mars. I won't need shoes because it's nice, warm, and sandy like a beach.
3. Of course. The carrots weren't generating enough profit. And beer tases bitter.
4. Yes. Hint - don't combine the two, because you will survive your bombing mission and have to go into hiding. Now I can only go shopping at night.
5. Ah... you've got me now. I use Andrex toilet paper with Aloe Vera and I, er... quite like bacon.

So maybe I'm not a muslim after all. Sorry.

old comment by nutbunny

1. Most married muslims across the planet are in monogamous relationships.

2. I have a PS3 on which i play FPSs, some of which let me blow shit up with rocket launchers.

3. What's wrong with heroin? Personally I prefer trippy stuff like weed, LSD & shrooms, but to each his own.

5. One uses water and your left hand to clean the anal area after defecating to make sure there aren't any traces of fecal matter left. Then one uses water to wash hands (preferably with soap, we're not savages darling).

You probably just wipe up with a piece of toilet paper that actually doesn't get you as clean as our way of doing it. You probably leave skid marks everywhere.

Also there's less chafing involved.

old comment by D Laurier.

What do any of these things have to do with being a muslim?
Lets see how a muslim stacks up here.. My neighbor Faraj
1) One wife, thirty two teeth, still a muslim
2) Owns a pickup truck, carpentry tools, and furniture... and can afford shoes. still a muslim
3) Does not cultivate heroin.. builds houses. Has no objection to beer. still a muslim
4) Thinks vests come in MANY styles. Long, Edwardian short, Zoot short, Tuxedo short, Cut-off, etc etc... Does not elieve that "suicide" is a style of vest. Considers it an ACTION. And till a devout muslim
5) Tends to keep arse clean and sweat free. Lives in an era when toilet paper exists.
Still a muslim.

old comment by Anon-e-moose

"COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM??? Take this simple test to find out.

1. Do you have more wives than teeth?"

I'm unmarried, but have a girlfriend. I guess that's me out then. Obama is married to Michelle. And only her.

"2. Do you own a £250000 rocket launcher but can't afford shoes ?"

No. I get my shoes from army surplus shops (RAF issue officers' shoes. £4 a pair, and damn near indestructible!) Obama has ICBM silos all over the US, as well as Cruise Missiles & SLBMs. And yes, he can (pun may or may not be intended)

"3.Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to beer ?"

Never touched drugs meself. Neither has Obama, to my knowledge. But, like me, he does like an occasional beer:

image

^Fucks up your 'Obama is a Secret Muslim' conspiracy theory much eh, fundies, neocons & teabaggers, hmmmmm?! [/smug & superior]

"4. Do you think vest come in two styles? buillet-proof & suicide?"

String. And those worn by Bruce Willis whilst taking down terrorists. [/Die Hard]

"And most significantly 5. Do you scrape the shit off your sweaty arse with your bare hand"

Like you & your ilk? No, I just use bog paper (or the Bibles I have at hand when I run out of such; mmmm-hmmm, the paper used in Bibles is soooo absorbent!). I bet you've never even heard of the 'Three Seashells', Simon! [/Demolition Man]

"but consider bacon unclean?!"

I loves me a bacon sarnie! The ultimate treat for we carnivores, non-fundie Christians (such as Obama) and Atheists. You & your ilk just fuck pigs.

old comment by Breezy404

wow. that's all i really have to say. wow. how can someone be so fucking narrow minded? I have a simple test for this individual:
1. Do you believe that there is a higher power that can control everything, but that Santa Claus is a ridiculous children's tale?
2. Do you discriminate against pretty much anyone who isn't a white male?
3. Do you think that being homosexual is wrong while you yourself are fucking little boys?
4. Do you believe Barack Obama is muslim?
and most significantly:
5. Are you unable to see because everything around you is dark due to the fact that your head is shoved so far up your anus that you can't move your arms?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be Christian! Congrats

PS the answer to number four is NO! for those who were horribly misled

old comment by Zeus Almighty

COULD YOU BE A CHRISTIANIST??? Take this simple test to find out. 1. Do you have more fingers than teeth? 2. Do you tithe to your church but can't afford to buy your children shoes? 3. Do you support indistriminately bombing "rag heads" but think abortion is murder? Do you think truth comes in two syles, the Bible and Ronald Reagan? And most sifnifiicantly 5. Do you think all taxes are muslimofascist communist sharia confiscation, but have no problem driving your SUV on public roadways, collecting Medicare and Social Security, flying on airplanes made safe by the guvmint, and eating food and taking medications tested by the same guvmint's agencies?

old comment by Mrs. Antichrist

1) Most Muslims are in monogamous relationships, and the general opinion in Islam is that having multiple wives is discouraged, even if it's not forbidden (a man can only marry multiple wives if he's capable being sufficiently devoted to all of them, as having multiple wives and neglecting some or all of them is considered haraam in Islam). Oh, and they can only have up to four wives max, so unless you think that Muslims only have three teeth... well, yeah.

2) I've yet to meet any Muslims who own a rocket launcher.

3) Islam outlaws drugs in addition to alcohol. It's doubtful that those who cultivate heroin are observant Muslims.

4) It's only a teensy, tiny percentage who commit terrorist acts. Most would never dream of doing something like that.

5) Muslims use toilet paper. They're actually cleaner than most westerners, too, since they also use a bidet and wash themselves before each of their prayers (five daily), in addition to their regular shower and bathing after sex, handling certain foods, contact with certain animals, etc. Cleanliness is a major aspect of Islam.

Simon Clasper #fundie facebook.com

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