3) When sex becomes a factor in a relationship, it starts to dominate the relationship. Meaning that if you continue on that path, your emotional intimacy and closeness will suffer at the hands of physical intimacy.
4) On the contrary--a vow will change sex from solely lust to solely love because after marriage, you are delighting in pleasing the OTHER person. Premarital sex, on the other hand, seeks to only please yourself.
[You cannot possibly know that, as you are an unmarried virgin, and you cannot make such sweeping statements about other people, anyway.]
And I'm sorry Sierra, but you know what? Those are my beliefs and I'm standing by them.
24 comments
Sorry JoJo, but sometimes sex is only about lust - even in a marriage. I value the relationship I have with my wife, but I also think that she's pretty hot...and I certainly would not have married her if I wasn't attracted to her physically.
You are entitled to your beliefs, but you are not entitled to present any old crap as reality.
Mr. Turquoise
"When sex becomes a factor in a relationship, it starts to dominate the relationship. Meaning that if you continue on that path, your emotional intimacy and closeness will suffer at the hands of physical intimacy."
Uh, no. I'm not married (yet) and we still love each other, even moreso than we did when we first got together. And I know it's love and not sex as he stuck by me when my sex drive bottomed out during and after my pregnancy for over one year.
"On the contrary--a vow will change sex from solely lust to solely love because after marriage, you are delighting in pleasing the OTHER person. Premarital sex, on the other hand, seeks to only please yourself."
If you think words are going to magically make a man love you if he doesn't already, you are in for a huge surprise.
Sex only to please myself is masturbation. If my partner doesn't have a good time, *I* don't have a good time. Believe me, my enjoyment of any sexual act with another person is very much related to THEIR enjoyment as well.
The others have all said pretty much what needs to be said, and I'll just add my voice to the chorus in general.
Sorry, JoJo!, but living "happily ever after" with the flawlessly virtuous prince/princess of your choice is strictly fantasy; real life is not a fairy tale, which seems to be where you've gotten your impressions. The state of marriage is fine, but it should be entered into realistically.
Marriage (i.e., a wedding ceremony changing your legal status) won't change anyone's sex drive, emotional attachment, intelligence, or financial status (apart from the expenses incurred from the wedding and reception). Good luck dealing with the reality when and if you get to it.
~David D.G.
So, a partner in a marriage never has sex because it feels good to him/her, but only to please the other partner? JoJo, I've always found that, in or out of marriage, one can both please one's self AND please the other person. That's a key componant to a good, loving relationship.
Yet another virgin "sexpert". By the way JoJo, since you have this idealized fantasy of what marriage is, Cinderella and Snow White are fictious. Somebody had to break it to you. And the only knights around today are either gay (such as Ian McKellan and Elton John) or pretty old (Richard Attenbourgh and Paul McCartney)...good luck.
<<a vow will change sex from solely lust to solely love because after marriage, you are delighting in pleasing the OTHER person. Premarital sex, on the other hand, seeks to only please yourself.>>
Do I have to mention the "Contract of Wifely Expectations" again?
<< On the contrary--a vow will change sex from solely lust to solely love because after marriage, you are delighting in pleasing the OTHER person. Premarital sex, on the other hand, seeks to only please yourself. >>
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Jojo!, a couple more points of clarification on this matter:
(a) Contrary to your opinion, it is indeed quite possible to feel love and lust for someone simultaneously, both before marriage and during it. They are not mutually exclusive. The same goes for pleasing and being pleased; both happen together, on several emotional levels.
(b) Speaking the vows in a marriage ceremony is not like casting some kind of magic spell that transforms either person in it, emotionally or otherwise; even the legal transformation has nothing to do with the vows per se. EITHER YOU MEAN THEM OR YOU DON'T.
If you both say those vows and mean them and work at staying committed to them, you're a long way toward having a good and happy marriage. If EITHER of you fails to do this (either because of lying, or because of not understanding what's involved, or because of wishful thinking that denies the reality of what's involved), the marriage is doomed to failure, or at least doomed to being most unhappy (for at least one person in it).
If this were not so, if just speaking the vows assured perfect loving harmony between the spouses, every marriage would be perfect. We both, I think, know that this isn't the case; even a great many Christian marriages are unhappy, and many end in divorce.
No one can force you to believe what you don't want to believe (obviously). But it would be ridiculous to claim that you know more about it than the billions of people who have actual experience in these matters. Please at least have the wisdom to acknowledge that you can learn from the experiences of others.
~David D.G.
Jojo, nature and organic functions don´t change because you sign a paper. The first statement, by the way, can be the case also in marriage.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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