going to church has become very dainty. That’s right. Church, for most men, has not only become irrelevant, it has also become effeminate. Hanging out in church for most Y-chromosomes seems unmanly, and most men—more than anything (at least for now)—want to be masculine! [...]

The question is, how do we regain the masculine spirit in our houses of worship? Here are a few things the Church can do:

• Put an end to preaching by whiny, over-preened and giddy Nancy Boys . . . like . . . uh . . . now. It freaks out us meat eaters. Get it? If you want to draw men to church, then put a man in the pulpit. It’s pretty simple. You get what you fish for. Duh. If you want a bunch of Nancy’s, then keep your Nancy pastor. If you want some dudes to fill the pews, then get a dude to do the preaching. Good luck finding a non-neutered minister, though, as most seminaries are cranking out puppets and not prophets...

If the Church wants to recover its losses, we’ve got to draw the knuckle draggers back to church. Masculine men are pretty easy. Toss in reason, competition, initiation, struggle, irreverance and a problem to throttle, and we are there man. Blow off, suppress and emasculate the environment of these holy testicular necessities, and your church, as far as men go, will be more empty than Paris Hilton’s head.