Masturbation can sometimes be wrong and it can sometimes not. If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong. But most times, that is not the case. I believe that when one masturbates a high percentage of the time they are fantasizing about a sexual partner therefore making masturbation lust. Lust, as the Bible states, is a sin. But masturbation is something that people in general should stay away from because it's hard not to lust whilst doing it.
198 comments
"Masturbation can sometimes be wrong and it can sometimes not. If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong."
Wanking off to flowers and puppies isn't wrong? That's just so wrong on so many levels it's not even funny. The guy needs medical help, NOW.
"If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong."
Actually, you should seek mental help if you masturbate thinking about flowers and puppies.
@perv
I'm not sure about plants in general but a sexual attraction to trees is called dendrophilia , believe it or not.
Maybe Ben should head to his nearest university and have the psychology professors take a look at his apparent obsession with pretty flowers. I'm sure they'd love to be able to write up a completely unknown mental disorder...
Hey! I ain't been wanking to no UGLY flowers - who says I have been?
Flowers and puppies, Ben Half a Foot ? wow
I must admit - it IS hard whilst doing it -
oh Dick, see Spot - look look look
Oh Jane. Oh Sally. Oh SPOTTTT! Oh oh oh.
What if I fantasise about a completely imaginary partner? Is that still lust?
Incidentally, how exactly are you supposed to get your rocks off thinking about flowers and puppies? Actually, on second thought, I really would rather not know.
This brings a whole new meaning to Paul Anka's song:
And they called it puppy love
Oh I guess they'll never know
How a young heart really feels
And why I love her so
And they called it puppy love
Just because we're seventeen
Tell them all it isn't fair
To take away my only dream
I cry each night these tears for you
My tears are all in vain
Oh I'll hope and I'll pray that may be some day
You'll be back in my arms once again
Someone help me,help me please
Is the answer up above
How can I ever tell them
This is not a puppy love
Someone help me,help me please
Is the answer up above
How can I ever tell them
This is not a puppy love
If you can explain in which cases a man ejaculates or a woman feels pleasure without lust or thinking about a human being and copulae, I will stop laughing. Besides, thinking about flowers and puppies would be consider necrophilia or bestiality?. Can't you accept that maybe the Bible penalised that because at the time every sperm was really sacred?
"Eating can sometimes be wrong and it can sometimes not. If you eat thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong. But most times, that is not the case. I believe that when one eats a high percentage of the time they are thinking about food, therefore making eating gluttony. Gluttony, as the Bible states, is a sin. But eating is something that people in general should stay away from because it's hard not to hunger whilst doing it."
Fixed.
Seriously, repressing sexual desires makes baby Septic cry. Google image search. "Eliza Dushku". Go hog wild. If God smites you with lightning, I will personally accept the blame, just drag your mind out of the Victorian era. Please?
If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and My Little Pony, essentially that's not wrong.
I'm thinking there's a sick fundie out there who'll take this advice and yank it while thinking of his favorite sheep. Ewe are a sinner!
Haha, VampireHummingbird, good point, thanks for making me laugh (more than reading the fundie quote). And they called it puppy love.
Well, flowers are the plant's reproductive organs.
But puppies? That's paedophilia! Stick to adult dogs!
Jerking over puppies = Good
Jerking of over gorgeous women = Bad.
That is one fucked up world view.
Ah, crap, this pervert lives one state over from me.
Benny, set foot in Minnesota and you won't have to worry about your jack fantasies ever again, if you get my drift.
If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong.
I beg to differ - if you are capable of sexualising thoughts like that, there's definitely something wrong with you.
Stay away from my puppy, perv! And, I'd better not catch you trying to fertilize my rose garden, either.
It's Ignatius J. Reilly! But what's he doing in Lansing, Michigan?
(Kudos to anyone who gets my reference.)
Ok if you masterbate while thinking you want a puppy, that actually IS wrong.
and illegal in most states if you carry out your fantasy.
"If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong."
Who would masterbate while thinking of flowers and puppies? That person, if he/she even exists, needs some major medical help.
perv and Horsefeathers : I believe it would be called floraphilia , since a technical word for plants is "flora," but am not 100% on that.
Not-You : Technically, the "sin" of Onan was not actually masturbation, but because he resued to impregante his brother's wife to make the name of his brother "remembered in Isreal" he was struck down by God.
Unless you already knew that and were just trying to say how fundamentalists usually interpret this passage, of couse. ; )
Quick, somebody, rule 34 on pretty flowers and puppies, I need to jack off, and I need to do it without sinning.
See Spot run.
RUN, SPOT! RUN!
what about "furries"? basically they are animal cartoon characters that are drawn as partly human like the disney cartoon show animals. So is it ok to masturbate over them?
and rule 34 applies to these as well of course.
...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This brings up all kinds of bizarre mental images. Namely some guy getting involuntarily turned on by "Dog Fancy" or "Home and Garden" due to the classical conditioning he put himself through by following Mr. Foote's advice.
@Jake S: Oooh, and would it be considered kinky if someone preferred, say, carnivorous plants like venus fly traps to normal plants? I wonder what a botanist would have to say if you asked him "what plant turns you on most?"
Ummm..... puppy love
image
Flowers? Nah, I'm more of a gymnospermophile.
Cycads are oh-so-hot, though I wouldn't mind some tall, statuesque pines and firs.
>>>
it's hard not to lust whilst doing it
<<<
More to the point, it's impossible to do it whilst not lusting.
There's also a hypothesis that says your sexuality and fetishes are set by what you think about the first time you orgasm. Not that I give it much credit, but if it's got any merity, I wonder if this guy accidentally made himself a flower-puppy-o-phile.
Obviously you have put way too much time and thought into this subject. It's masturbation, you weirdo. What's the difference between intercourse with your partner, and masturbation with your partner. Besides, if you seen my wife, you wouldn't be whackin' off to puppies and flowers. You'd be goin' to hell for adultry.
OM..um...G! FLOWERS? PUPPIES?
WOW! New masturbation possibilities are opening before my very eyes.
Ice cream, Circuses, Priests (well i've done that one), Dinosaurs. Oh bliss! Never more will I have to browse the web for hot M-2-M porn. I can rub one off to, to, to.... BASEBALL!
/the smell you are experiencing is sarcasm, ridicule, and whimsy.
/new to the site. HELLO
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!
I get it now, fundies. The problem isn't fantasizing about plants OR animals, just humans.
If you jacked off to images of pretty flowers and puppies, then I'd have to be worried about you.
"PUUUPYY.... YESSSSS... I WANT YOU PUUUUPPPPPY... FLOOOWWWERS... SO PRETTY... YESSSS... OOOOOHHHHH!"
Wrong... just wrong.
most of the quotes on here make me sick and I really do fear for humanity's future between the Fundies here in the US and the Islamo-facists all over the rest of the world...
But holy fuck I laughed so hard I even squirted a tad bit of piss over this. Seriously? Masturbating while thinking about flowers? The irony since the vagina and vulva are often compared to a flower (and for good reason) in structure. Does he think about the stamen? Does that make him gay?
oh dear satan! my sides are splitting! i showed this to my friends, many of whom are christians (the good kind ie. not fundies) and they all laughed their ass off.....masturbating when thinking of puppies and flowers? if thats you, perhaps you should seek psychiatric assistance...
WHAT?
I thought the bad part about masturbation was killing all those potential babies floating around in your dong? So if you kill babies in the name of puppies, it's okay?
Since killing in the name of God is acceptable, then, is it okay to masturbate to the Bible? You're doing it for Him, after all.
Whatta stoopid.
To be honest, the guy thinking of puppies is way more disturbing than someone whose sexual fantasy I might not share.
I mean, jeez, is that the excuse you give when you get caught doing it in your cubicle? "No no no, it's alright...I was thinking of the puppies."
Ben Jamin A Foot was brought to by DUH! DUH, the watered down beverage of stupid people every where.
actually he introduced a revolutionary idea, I want to pleasure myself but I want to avoid hell.
*cracks open a DUH and heads to the bathroom to think about puppies and flowers*
"If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong."
If a psycologist finds this man he is in for the case of his life.
what if you are "pretty flower puppy"-sexual???
does that mean you can't masturbate ever?
and bestiality for Jebus!
Oh yeah, those are some SHEXY roses right there, yeah come on, COME ON!!!
^Why that doesn't work.
Seriously though, jackin it to flowers... WTF?
Here where I live fundies were discussing whether Christians are allowed to masturbate or not. After hot debate the final conclusion was: "yes, to get relief, Christians are allowed to masturbate, however, to avoid this causing sinful thoughts you must think about Jesus when masturbating."
" If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong"
No, that's REALLY wrong. Please seek help.
Obviously a joke. Ben Jamin A Foote... Been Jammin' a Foot?
Clearly, the name is a pun. Which means the whole post is probably a joke.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go commit the sin of Lust.
I don't know about anyone here, but I don't remember ever masturbating to puppies and flowers. Last time I checked it was for sexual pleasure, so unless those things get you off, why would you be thinking about them while pleasuring yourself?
"how you want a puppy, "
this isnt clear, you masturbate to the thought of owning a dog, or having sex with one?
Um, you watch flower and puppy porn, huh? As for the "sin" of lust, you know whats funny? You and I and EVERYONE ON THE ENTIRE EARTH would not be here if not for the "sin" of lust. Have a nice day =)
wanking of to flowers?? Then you got mental problems...
And by the way, if you überchrist read the bible.. you will find the story that led to you thinking mastrubation is wrong... god killed a man for fucking his dead brothers wife, and not cumming inside of her... now how about that?
"If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong."
I reeeally wanna make a snide remark but I can't think of a thing because everyone else has beat me to the punch. In all seriousness, I rarely try to give advice to folks like little Jamin here, but masturbation, (and, yes, even lust) are normal, healthy, and perfectly alright. Somebody has seriously screwed this person up.
Masturbating to flowers is not wrong?
And you really wish you had a puppy you could fuck?
Really? And you think you can give advice?
Wanking to flowers, huh?
Weird. Technically Botanophillia, which would qualifiy as a fetish.
Fundue fetishist! Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh! Run for your lives!!!!!
Yes, lets avoid lust and think about how hot and damn sexy flowers and puppies are, not human beings though, because that's unnatural and would be a sin.
NEW RULE: Unless you're zoophilic (or plantphilic, if that's even a word) masterbation is a sin.
"If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong"
What?! Cracking one off whilst thinking about having a puppy ?!!!?!? And you say that's not wrong?! You're essentially condoning paedophilia AND zoophilia!
LYNCH THE DOGGY-DIDDLING NONCE!
"If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy"
(*sings *):
'And they call it Puppy Looooooooove!'
[/Donny Osmond]
XP X3
@inmate22841
"What if I masturbate thinking about six inch black stilletos?"
Whilst being worn by Bettie Page?:
image
:9
Stop it, you're turning me on.
@Caustic Gnostic
"Think about the kitten g0d kills, every time you masturbate."
Or every time you masturbate to the hot & kickass catgirl Koshka* (in the anime "Usagi-chan De Cue")...:
image
...you kill God.
(*unzips *)
...ohhhhh, the things I do for the cause of Atheism! If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the Angry Dome! [/drama] =^_^= X3
*- Why does she remind me so much of my goddess Ryomou Shimei, in "Ikkitousen"? Is it the page-bob hairstyle, or that - like Ryomou - Koshka knows how to look after herself; a strong female...?! :9
Ah, flowers. Flowers are beautiful. They smell good. They are the reproductive organs of plants. If only I had a girlfriend, I would bring her pretty flowers as a gift, and then she would kiss me, and then we would...
Oh, this did not work out.
Puppies...
No, I will not go there, you sick pervert!
PS:
What if you fantasise about Tetris ?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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