Re: Something I've noticed about transgender dating.

After I dumped my mtf boyfriend for becoming a woman when I'm straight I googled the situation out of curiosity. Maybe I'm biased but this is just something I've noticed. Whenever a wife/girlfriend describes her partner as being transgender people say "just take it one step at a time you may find you're still attracted". Yeah, okay if someone's straight they're NOT going to stay romantically or sexually attracted to someone who's transitioning to be female. *upturned eyes emojis*

But if it's a gay man who's partner is becoming MTF the answers tend to be more honest and practial "you're not compatible just be friends".

I hate to see sexism in absolutely everything but what else would it be?

(1984stardusta)
They will say two things at the same time:

Trans women are women and if lesbians are not attracted to female penises they are not able to love all women, thus they are not true lezbians, but vagina fetishists who hate women in every shapes and forms.

Or trans women are women, if your husband becomes a woman you have to keep loving him, because he is the same person in a different body and love doesn't care, just learn to be a lesbian and change your identity and sexual orientation for love.

In both cases women need to ignore preferences, boundaries and sexual attraction to pander to his needs, lesbians need to become heterosexual and heteros need to become lesbians because his sexuality is more important.

(gfty6789)
Right, imagine the outcry if everyone just started saying "no, you're being a vagina fetisist, go sleep with that penis" to TIMs.

(Cineezyy)
I remember going on one of the subs that discusses trans partners and the majority of posts by females (with a MtF partner) were talking about how they can be supportive to maintain the relationship. While the posts by males (with a FtM partner) were talking about how their dick will no longer get hard.

(1984stardusta)
The burden on the partner is absurd, how can someone condemn natural and healthy sexual drive?

All the pressure to repress sexuality in name of a greater good is regressive. Ignore your feelings, thoughts, preferences and just be nice! Don't be yourself, be kind or you are a murderer, because this person is going to commit suicide unless you agree to everything.

Suddenly, a man or a woman needs to feel aroused by the representation of the opposite of their needs and ignore sexual organs.

What can possibly go wrong?

(butyoucantedit)
I wonder what would happen if lesbians just started openly and happily "indentifying" as vagina fetishists. Cos you're not allowed to ~kink shame, right? Of course I think I know what would happen...

(unfeelingzeal)
"Trans women are women and if lesbians are not attracted to female penises they are not able to love all women, thus they are not true lezbians,"

i'm a bi guy and that's what a trans mod and a trans member over on a sub that shall not be named said to me, in a topic literally asking what the difference was between pan- and bisexuals. i said i'm only attracted to cis men and women and basically got attacked for saying that's bullshit because "you can't tell" who's trans and who's not.

please, get real. not even a majority of trans people are passing.

i've left that community because they're extremely toxic to anything outside of their extremely narrow definitions of sexuality. according to them, i'm either a fake bisexual, a wrong bisexual or i'm a flat out bigot. umk.

(the_lonliest_shibe)
I wouldn't say that your partner "became a woman". Even with all the surgery in the world he will never be a woman - he'll never have a uterus or get pregnant or have XX chromosomes.

I think it's more apt to say that your male partner has decided to imitate a woman, and it's perfectly understandable to not be attracted to the female form if you are straight. Theres nothing that's going to change that and people who try and change your mind on that are delusional. If i tell a straight guy "oh just try being with a man, you could learn to enjoy it" I will get (rightly) yelled at because I'm trying to pressure someone into changing their views and preferences. Yet men do it to us all the time..

I'm a lesbian and I regularly get pressured to date TIMs or men. What TIMs do not understand though is that I'm attracted to women. Not men dressed as women. Breasts and a womanly form are just one aspect of that - I'm also attracted to someone who has gone through the same struggles as I have and has the same out look on the world. And you can never change that with surgery or medicine...

(hostabunch)
Just. More. Male. Bullshit.

Do you really think a gay man is going to keep a partner who doesn't have a penis anymore?

(ChewMyMeatForYou)
As a bisexual, I want to clear something up. I'm not just attracted to both men and women because of their appearance. Universally, confidence is seen as attractive. (Not cockiness or attention-seeking, just pure IamwhoIam confidence.) There are definitely people I meet who are typically attractive, yet lacking confidence, or worse, having too much confidence and too little education.

I have yet to meet a trans person that doesn't place their personal comfort aside or has enough self-esteem to have an awkward-free interaction. If I can't eat a meal with you as a friend, without you doing something that makes me uncomfortable, I'm never going to date you. That goes for the straight men, or gay women I'm interested in.

Living a lie of this is what men sound and look like or vice versa, is exhaustive. Being GNC myself, having PTSD, that's enough work for me to manage navigating life without conflict. Why would I take on someone else's self-esteem conflict, to enhance my life? I'm an adult. It is my responsibility to help myself, not save others.

(LittleOwl12)
AGPs need their long term partners to stick around because for the part, they are unappealing. If not flat out repulsive. One guy on Tumblr braved the storm and explained why he never transitioned: the Uncanny Valley. He rightly pointed out that trying to pretend to resemble something you clearly are not is creepy.

(Babyorlaith123)
I think repulsive is a bit of a strong word but I do agree most transgender people don't pass from my experience (and I've met a LOT due to liberal acquaintances). Usually TIFs don't look the slightest but manly and TIMs are quite ugly and unappealing. Doesn't make them bad people but yeah.

(LittleOwl12)
No, it doesn't make them bad people but I stand by the word repulsive. Some of them really are disconcerting to look at, especially the huge older men squeezing into clothes meant for teenage girls.

I'm not using that word out of spite and I know it's a strong one, but I think it's important for people to understand why transition very rarely "works" the way you want it to.

(Cineezyy)
I’d say repulsive is pretty accurate tbh

(Bananastic)
> okay if someone's straight they're NOT going to stay romantically or sexually attracted to someone who's transitioning to be female

?

Male can't transition to be female. They are still males, some of them decide to use hormones or cosmetic surgery to look more like women, some don't and identify as "butch" transwomen or say they don't have to change anything to be a woman.

You could perfectly still be attracted to a trans woman as a straight woman. The problem is if they physically transition as i suppose you are like most of us both attracted to primary and secondary sex characterisitics in people.

(georgiaokeefesgrotto)
The one woman I know that this happened to stayed in the relationship (last I knew) but told me once that it was like there it was like there was another woman and that woman was more important to him.

It doesn't get better, you did the right thing. You are right as well that women don't generally find the 'new woman' attractive.