“There's a very interesting movie out there which you can get at a Catholic bookstore. I think it's called "Science Tests Faith." I watched it a few months ago and it talks about the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.”
Jesus. The lich i don’t think has much credibility as an actual historical figure? Yeah. Show me a movie about his power to possess crackers.
“This movie shook me to the core.”
Uh huh. I cry at those ‘first time hearing her mothers’ voice’ videos. Don’t think this has a chance of that…
“It was quite overwhelming. Maybe you can get her to watch it.”
Because every believer started with ‘i saw this on TV one time…’
"I know it might take more than a movie but keep trying.”
Titus 3:10 says to try twice, then shut the fuck up. Last person that tried to ‘Save’ me, i just kept track of how often they exceeded their limit.
"Get a gallon of water and get it blessed by a priest”
Be sure to tell the priest it’s for coercive use! He’ll love that.
“and add it to whatever your family drinks.”
Listen, motherfucker, i catch you watering down my Cola, you’d better have your affairs in order.
“Receive Communion and offer it up for her and her conversion.”
You will not believe how many Mormon relatives have invited me to THEIR services, to see a cousin’s cub scout award, and they act surprised that i don’t just stand up, converted.
“My sister too has left the church."...pray to a God that may or may not exist!" That's what my sister says.”
Once you’re outside of a particular faith, they all begin to look alike. And stupid.
"Even though it's tough I'm not giving up and you shouldn't either.”
Because you like being constantly annoyed by people trying to get you to put pineapple on your pizza. Their sheer effort should impress you into changing your views on Italian Flatbread.
"I pray God will open your daughter's eyes too. Stay strong, she'll come back. Keep praying.”
Yes, yes, keep insisting that the only way you can tolerate her existing is by sharing your religion, whether she wants to or not.
