One sunny sunday afternoon a church was just gettign settled for service when two men walked in clad head to to in black and wearing ski masks. They both held automatic weapons at the ready. One remained by the exit in the back of the church and the other went up to the pulpit. "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ kindly remain seated," he yelled at the congregation, "the rest of you will be free to go."
there was an imense scraping of chairs and all but about a dozen people filed out of the church. The man at the front gestured to those who remained. "All of you come up to the front please." when they were seated at the front pew directly in front of the black clad man. he took off his mask. "Aright Father," the man said, turning to the priest. "i've cleared out the hipocrites please continue with the service." the two men with the guns sat down to listen.
ok i know the ending is kinda lame but it gets the point accross. I got this in an email and i was wondering if any one else thinks this is actualy a good idea.
69 comments
This is an old, old, old story. I remember reading this one over a year ago. Still it is amusing since it shows the Christians as either 'fair weather followers' (the ones who ran) or idiots (the ones willing to die for their invisible friend).
How lucky these idiots were that none of the church members had a gun with him/her.
In answer to your question, NO, it's a stupid and dangerous idea.
I really doubt that it ever happened. Probably a Xian urban myth.
Remind me, didn't Bro Randy, sorry IamaSaved1, say something in one of his recent rants about the value of everybody having guns in order to defend themselves against just such an eventuality?. I can just imagine the headlines:
120 killed in church shoot out..."I was just testing of their faith" said the priest who started it all.
I remember hearing that back when I went to church. And that was a long time ago. It's kind of like a Christian chain letter.
Reminds me of the time when a young pastor at a youth retreat put a gun to his head on stage, in front of everyone. It wasn't loaded, and he actually pulled the trigger. I can't even remember WHY he'd done this. Something about testing our faith or some shit. It wasn't too long after that that I left Christianity.
I went to a Pentacostal church, and boy, do I have a lot more where that came from.
That actually makes me...think. It's Christian doctrine, yeah, but hello Psycho God who wants people to die when they could live? A live person is better than one who died for an idea. I'd prefer a god who advised her followers to put human life above everything, even if that meant denying her.
Why would you need to tkae a bullet for Christ anyhow? They kicked him around, stabbed him in the kidney and nailed him to a pole. Less than 48 hours later he's tip-top.
That's like taking a bullet for Wolverine. He's Wolverine, he'll get over it.
Today, two gun men broke in to a church on Sunday morning. Most people fled. The dozen people left sitting there woke up and said, "Hey, what's going on?" But the pastors answer was interupted by 3 flash-bangs followed by the sound of breaking glass. The gun men were tackled to the floor and shot.
The SWAT officer said they were just protecting their fellow Christians. LT. Gill said, "How were we to know God athorized pastor John to test our faith."
In other news a newly formed Atheist group will be meeting every Sunday morning at the IHOP.
(Lazarus, I couldn't come up with a better plan and can't wait to read about it in the paper.)
Um, wtf. "Anyone willing to die needlessly for Christ remain seated. Everyone who wants to run and get help, and, I don't know, maybe save a few lives, go on ahead."
That's like taking a bullet for Wolverine. He's Wolverine, he'll get over it.
Plus, he has those retractable adamantium claws. Can Jesus say that? Hmmm?
"I got this in an email and i was wondering if any one else thinks this is actualy a good idea."
Shooting christians? Hell, yeah!
Cool, now you've got rid of the "hypocrites" you can all take a big swig of poison to show how much you trust in the word of Jesus that you'll come to no harm.
What? You say you don't want to, that God is not tested, that I'm taking things out of context and that those verses are metaphorical?
Sorry Father, it looks like there are still a few hypocrites left.
I don't know about churches in the US, but over here you are supposed to leave all weapons in the entrance of the church, what is here called a weapon-house. One of the ideas about the church is that you are safe in there, with the Lord for company.
If someone did bring a gun to church, he would probably be asked politely, but very firmly, to leave and never come back, ever.
So, I'd be a hypocrite for not wanting to die just to prove that I art more devout than thou? Seriously?! Your God would buy into dick waving contests like that?
Sorry for valuing life more than you.
"One sunny sunday afternoon a church was just gettign settled for service when two men walked in clad head to to in black and wearing ski masks." tl;dr...
I presume this is a mere fundie fapfiction. Because if it's not and this actually happened, then this incident should be reported to the local police and the ATF.
"i was wondering if any one else thinks this is actualy a good idea."
If you think it is, go right ahead and appear in a church armed to the teeth. PROTIP: You're not the only ones in that locale who are armed.
One Word: Waco.
What a stupid little sperm stain you are Lazarus The Retarded. You think the pastor cares about their faith (or yours, for that matter)? Stupid kid, he cares about their donations. So if you want to pull something like this off, you better have the money to pay for those who ran away, or the pastor will probably have your knee caps broken.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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