I am reminded of a story told to me last year about an 11-year-old girl, Kyla, by her mother, Cyndee:
"My daughter, Kyla, who was 11 last year, at the time she was carried into the Spirit by the Lord. It was 3 in the morning and she was up and weeping and told me she had been with Jesus and he had told her some things. A lot was personal for the family but there was something Jesus told her that was amazing. She, to this day, still says Jesus told her, 'I am coming some September.' Now I received this! What it means I don't know for sure, but I will say this, SOMETHING very spectacular is fixing to happen and I am excited and Jesus is in IT!! God also told her that her family, meaning her siblings, and me, her Mother and her Dad, would not die until they all see the coming of the Lord."
If the reference is to the rapture, let us hope it is this September!
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That's quite a dream your daughter had. I once dreamt that I could fly by flapping my arms and cycling my legs fast enough.
She, to this day, still says Jesus told her, 'I am coming some September.'
Well I'm glad he was so specific. I mean, how many Septembers could there possibly be in the 4 billion years Earth has left?
" What it means I don't know for sure, "
It means your daughter is mentally ill, possibly because she inherited it from her father.
Jesus also told the people standing face to face with him that many would not die until he came back. That was 2,000 years ago and none of those people are alive today, and Jesus hasn't returned. Jesus has a history of breaking promises.
"God also told her that her family, meaning her siblings, and me, her Mother and her Dad,..."
Huh? What is your relationship to this girl? You list yourself (Jim) as not a sibling nor her mother or father.
@Arctic Knight
Jesus also told the people standing face to face with him that many would not die until he came back.
@pete
Or? Maybe ... Jesus has invaded her subconscious?
Jesus; the lying bastard is like Freddy Krueger. He'll get you in your sleep.
"I am coming some September". That's really pinning it down! Will these geniuses EVER learn?
Hopefully ol' Jeezus will make some silly faces or noises to let us all know when he's coming so we can all make sure we're indoors.
She, to this day, still says Jesus told her, 'I am coming some September.'
That narrows it down, and is totally credible.
and I am excited and Jesus is in IT!!
Jesus went into Information Technology? Good for him, I guess, but I'm not sure what that has to do with the Rapture. Though I'd love to see him turn servers into supercomputers.
You'd think Jesus would tell the Pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Patriarch of Constantinople - or at least the Watchtower Society (Jehovah's Witnesses), since they seem to be obsessed with this stuff - instead of telling some anonymous 11 year old girl.
Actually, the fact that he said her mom should take her to A&F and Hollister and give her the credit card should have been a giveaway.
When I was 11, Jesus came to me and said "ketchup, not mustard!"
Now I received this! What it meant, I don't know for sure, but I will say this, I think he was talking about hot dogs.
@NonProphet : "This is raising a lot of red flags.
I hope someone who knows that family calls Child Services."
I know some would consider raising children in a rather fundie sect of a religion to be abuse, but that's very debatable and is not actually illegal in and of itself. Outside of that, I don't detect any signs that the girl is being emotionally or physically mistreated.
Ah yes, September.
She doesn't want to go back to school and is hoping Jesus will clear that up for her.
Tough luck, Kyla, you have to go back to school and you have a crazy mother. Life sucks, huh?
So if he's right, the nutbars will all get raptured before the November election and leave the normal, sane folks in peace. If he's wrong, we all get to point and laugh. How is this not a total win/win?
Jesus is clearly a Time Lord with a broken TARDIS.
Think about it: he regenerated after being killed and then told his companions that he was just going out for a bit to get some fresh air, but that he'd get back "soon". Except he messed up the date.
He may even have been the same guy that rescued all the animals when the world flooded (only way they'd ever fit in something the size of Noah's Ark).
Hey, it makes more sense than believing any of this shit otherwise.
If the reference is to the rapture, let us hope it is this September!
Amen. The sooner you cretins fuck off, the better.
"Some September." Well that narrows it down a bit. Could be next month, could be next year, could be 10 year from now. Or most likely, never.
Ever notice it's always the fundies who have dreams about Jesus? Now if Jesus started appearing to atheists, Muslims, and Jews all the time, then you'd probably have something to talk about.
Dear, Cyndee;
Don't let your kid eat dill pickles before bed. I'm not coming again. Read a science book or something. Thank you.
P.S.
Love one another, do good deeds & mind your own beeswax.
SHALOM
SIGNED,
Yeshuah Bar Yoseph aka "Jesus, The Big Un-Dead Jewish Hippie In The Sky"
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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