Masturbating is giving in to the temptation of the devil to sin.
Asides from defiling your spirit it has quite a few other harmful side effects:
Blindness
Hairy Hands & Palms
Sexual Dysfunction and Desensitization
Cancer of the reproductive organs
Increased pubic hair growth
As well as schizophrenia and depression in the long run.
Don't do it!
88 comments
Myth.
Myth.
Only if tied in with anxiety about being unable to 'perform' (like being able to climax by yourself but not with a partner) or if used as a substitute to real intercourse for a long period of time. In both cases, the problem is with the person, not the act itself. So you are still wrong.
Actually, masturbation can help protect against cancer. http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn4861-frequent-ejaculation-may-protect-against-cancer.html
Myth.
Myth.
I declare futuredog0987 an exceptionally ignorant troll, instead of sexually-repressed fundie (only because his post is from Y! Answers, troll haven. I'm being nice.)
My grandmother, when she was alive, used to tell me stories... "When I was your age, we were told [insert futuredog's post here]. That's how backwards we were back then."
What is your proof of this? What is the evidence? Have studies been done to prove it?
And, if so, why don't these studies include the healthy, seeing, hairless, sexual, cancer free, sane people who DO masturbate?
You sound like the teenagers of my youth. "But, if I don't do it, I could go blind".
Stupidity creates stupidity.
Hairy palms? Really, twinkiedog, you really ought to join us in the 21st century.
There is no proof of any of these claims. Remember, your Bible says lying is a sin.
P.S. What's the major downside of increased pubic hair?
As a defiler of my spirit with over a decade of experience behind me, let me apply this to myself:
1) Can't read this first one. Let me get the magnifier out of the "ease of access" folder... Ah! No, I can safely say I have perfect eyesight.
2) Nope no hairs on either palm. I like to take pride in my appearance, so I shave them every morning. When I was in college I grew it in dreadlocks. Started quite a trend.
3) Sexual dysfunction? Depends how you define "dysfunction". I posed this question to my friends on the "Gordon Freeman tentacle rape and stationary fetishists" message boards, and they said I had nothing to worry about.
4) No, I am pleased to say that I do not have cancer in my reproductive organs. I had the tumours taken out on Thursday and placed in a jar. One more and i'll have a baker's dozen!
5) See #2
6) Don't have enough experience to answer this one. I'd ask some of my older male relatives, but with this being a bank holiday, there's only a limited number of buses going by the asylum.
Holy crap! Now I know why I have to shave my palms daily and why I walk around talking to myself all the time.
I can't believe that anyone, and I mean anyone, would believe the crap this guy is spouting.
I have:
20/23 vision (oh noes)
arm hair that stops shortly after the wrists
no comment (no girlfriend yet [at least i'll admit it])
I have the cleanest prostate known to man
yes, I started before i had pubes, and they started growing, that is surely an increase
I don't pretend my hand is a woman and the closest to depression i ever got was extreme guilt and self loathing that i couldn't stop, until i just gave up the faith (every day has been better since then)
Apparently all culled from the 1930 Boy Scouts of America Handbook, or another such source of unbiased facts and science free of religious opinion.[/sarcasm]
EDIT: While most likely a Poe, many of these "facts" do come straight from these old boyhood manuals produced between the late 1800s and pretty much 3/4 of the 1900s.
POE.
Hairy palms indeed. Old school trick. Say in a group that wanking gives hairy palms. There's always one who'll look at his hands and give the rest a good laugh.
And fyi, not releasing sex fluids can cause prostate problems...
"Blindness"
Only with really horrendous aim, and even then, it's only temporary.
"Hairy Hands & Palms"
"Increased pubic hair growth"
Apparently reproductive fluids are like fertilizer.
"Sexual Dysfunction and Desensitization"
It's more like practice, rather than something that will cause dysfunction. And the only people who have to worry about desensitization are women who use vibrators too often.
I've never screamed "poe" before but I'm screaming it now.
After 24 years of exhaustive research I can say that I've only experienced depression. That was due to a chemical imbalance unrelated to masturbation.
*second masturbation post today (first actually, i guess, in order of submission. Second in the list). Do I smell a trifecta?
lol, harmful side effects of picking up a bible include, but are not limited to:
Retardation
Severe Ignorance
Paranoia (in reference to the whole: OH LORDY THE RAPTURE IS COMING)
Hairy Asses
Eyeballs exploding.
Don't do it!
About 10 years ago some 13 year old in a chat room I was in tried to tell everyone that masturbation 'increases the likelihood of cancer of the reproductive organs.' But then people his own age stepped up to tell him how full of crap he was.
This person is probably just being sarcastic, since everyone with half a brain knows that all that junk is false.
image
Oh, Doctor Fishcake, that chick has some nice tits and I am imagining myself loosening her jeans. Futuredog, you can do this too at home.
I was told many of these things when I was a kid. I was skeptical, so I decided to experiment. I have been conducting these experiments about 4 or 5 times a week now for about 20 years.
So far, results are inconclusive. More testing needed.
Based on my own long-term studies, people of my ethnic make-up are not subject to these side effects as a result of masturbation.
Of course I am working from a limited sample, but it seems reasonable to assume these results would be consistent throughout a larger population sample.
Blindness : Well, I do need glasses for driving.
Hairy Hands & Palms : Nope
Sexual Dysfunction and Desensitization : Nope
Cancer of the reproductive organs : Nope
Increased pubic hair growth : Nope
Schizophrenia and depression in the long run : Nope
I guess I don't masturbate enough.
Just a question; whay are "hairy hands and palms" and "increased pubic hair growth" classified as a "harmful side effect"? I don't really see the harm in those. Apart from that, go get laid, you sexually frustrated idiot.
tracer wrote: "Did they show Kari conducting the experiments? That would send their ratings through the roof."
That gives me the perfect excuse to use this gloriously phallic image....
image
Nice to see that Kari-worship has reached FSTDT, too...
I don't have schizophrenia, but I do have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Am I doing it too much, or not enough?
Masturbating is giving in to the temptation of the devil to sin.
Asides from defiling your spirit it has quite a few other harmful side effects:
Besides... You wouldn't want to use up all your goes :)
I like Kari, but I always thought her predecessor at Mythbusters, Scottie, was hotter... plus she had tattoos.
(I just lost a little respect for Kari since she posed for FHM (For Horny Men). But only a little respect.)
If this is for real, I've lost what little faith I had left in fundies.
If any of this was true, then I wouldn't sit here. I'd be home stumbling around blindly, shedding hair all over my apartment, crying out to my invisible friend in despair as there is not cure for my testicular cancer.
I will agree on one thing, it does increase depression. Causes mood swings too. C'mon guys, you know the one I'm talking about.
Ooooh yeah, I'm the greatest, I'm the greatest, oooooh, close now, I'm the greatest, I'm the greatest, oooooooOOOH
*spluurge*
I am such a fucking loser, how am I gonna clean this mess up?
I serve as counterexample.
Hell, what about that study a few years back that implied a reduction in prostate cancer risk from masturbation.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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