BRIAN:
I said, 'Don't pass judgement on other people, or else you might get judged, too.'
COLIN:
Who, me?
BRIAN:
Yes.
COLIN:
Oh. Ooh. Thank you very much.
BRIAN:
Well, not just you. All of you.
DENNIS:
That's a nice gourd.
BRIAN:
What?
DENNIS:
How much do you want for the gourd?
BRIAN:
I don't. You can have it.
DENNIS:
Have it?
BRIAN:
Yes. Consider the lilies...
DENNIS:
Eh, d-- d-- don't you want to haggle?
BRIAN:
No. ...in the field.
DENNIS:
What's wrong with it, then?
BRIAN:
Nothing. Take it.
ELSIE:
Consider the lilies?
BRIAN:
Uh, well, the birds, then.
EDDIE:
What birds?
BRIAN:
Any birds.
EDDIE:
Why?
BRIAN:
Well, have they got jobs?
ARTHUR:
Who?
BRIAN:
The birds.
EDDIE:
Have the birds got jobs?!
FRANK:
What's the matter with him?
ARTHUR:
He says the birds are scrounging.
BRIAN:
Oh, uhh, no, the point is the birds. They do all right. Don't they?
FRANK:
Well, good luck to 'em.
EDDIE:
Yeah. They're very pretty.
BRIAN:
Okay, and you're much more important than they are, right? So, what are you worrying about? There you are. See?
EDDIE:
I'm worrying about what you have got against birds.
BRIAN:
I haven't got anything against the birds. Consider the lilies.
ARTHUR:
He's having a go at the flowers now.
EDDIE:
Oh, give the flowers a chance.
DENNIS:
I'll give you one for it.
BRIAN:
It's yours.
DENNIS:
Two, then.
BRIAN:
Ohh. Look. There was this man, and he had two servants.
ARTHUR:
What were they called?
BRIAN:
What?
ARTHUR:
What were their names?
BRIAN:
I don't know. And he gave them some talents.
EDDIE:
You don't know?!
BRIAN:
Well, it doesn't matter!
ARTHUR:
He doesn't know what they were called!
BRIAN:
Oh, they were called 'Simon' and 'Adrian'. Now--
ARTHUR:
Oh! You said you didn't know!
BRIAN:
It really doesn't matter. The point is there were these two servants--
ARTHUR:
He's making it up as he goes along.
BRIAN:
No, I'm not! ...And he gave them some ta-- Wait a minute. Were there three?
ARTHUR:
Ohh.
EDDIE:
Oh, he's terrible!
ARTHUR:
He's terrible.
BRIAN:
There were three.
ARTHUR:
Thpppt!
BRIAN:
They were-- they were st-- stewards, really.
ELSIE:
Aww, get off!
BRIAN:
Ooh! Eh, uh, b-- b-- now-- now hear this! Blessed are they...
DENNIS:
Three.
BRIAN:
...who convert their neighbour's ox, for they shall inhibit their girth,...
MAN:
Rubbish!
BRIAN:
...and to them only shall be given-- to them only... shall... be... given...
ELSIE:
What?
BRIAN:
Hmm?
ELSIE:
Shall be given what?
BRIAN:
Oh, nothing.
ELSIE:
Hey! What were you going to say?
BRIAN:
Nothing.
ARTHUR and FRANK:
Yes, you were.
ELSIE:
Yes. You were going to say something.
BRIAN:
No, I wasn't. I'd finished.
ELSIE:
Oh, no you weren't.
ARTHUR:
Oh, come on. Tell us before you go.
BRIAN:
I wasn't going to say anything. I'd finished.
ELSIE:
No, you hadn't.
BLIND MAN:
What won't he tell?
EDDIE:
He won't say.
BLIND MAN:
Is it a secret?
BRIAN:
No.
BLIND MAN:
Is it?
EDDIE:
Must be. Otherwise, he'd tell us.
ARTHUR:
Oh, tell us the secret.
BRIAN:
Leave me alone.
YOUTH:
What is this secret?
GIRL:
Is it the secret of eternal life?
EDDIE:
He won't say!
ARTHUR:
Well, of course not. If I knew the secret of eternal life, I wouldn't say.
YOUTH:
No.
BRIAN:
Leave me alone.
GIRL:
Just tell me, please.
ARTHUR:
No. Tell us, Master. We were here first.
DENNIS:
Five.
BRIAN:
Ah!
GIRL:
Just tell--
BRIAN:
Go away!
GIRL:
Tell us, Master.
DENNIS:
I can't go above five.
GIRL:
Tell-- Is that His gourd?
YOUTH:
We've got this here.
DENNIS:
Yeah, but it's under offer.
GIRL:
This is His gourd!
DENNIS:
Ten!
GIRL:
It is His gourd! We will carry it for you, Master! Master?
YOUTH:
He's gone! He's been taken up!
GIRL:
Hhhh!
FOLLOWERS:
For He's been taken up!
DENNIS:
Eighteen!
ARTHUR:
No, there He is. Over there.
FOLLOWERS:
Oh, yeah. Master! Master!...
[FOLLOWERS chase BRIAN]
