Masturbation Is A Demonic Sex Magic Ritual
The passion you feel was originally designed to be solely and exclusively for your married spouse. EXLUSIVELY not for others and not for yourself.
“Lust” was poison put into the human system by satan through Eve and Adam.
Your sperm was meant to produce children for God, not to go into a Napkin. If you Do that you are donating your sperm to the satanic kingdom.
Masturbating is a lust of the flesh. You are doing it for a fleshy feeling.
40 comments
But I don't put it in a napkin! I scoop it off my stomach and swallow it!
And I'm not doing it for a fleshy feeling, either. I'm doing it to cum.
Your sperm was meant to produce children for God, not to go into a Napkin. If you Do that you are donating your sperm to the satanic kingdom.
Are you saying that there are demons out there going through our trash?
And I am pretty sure women masturbate, too.
Am I the only one who thinks masturbation sounds infinitely more attractive when described as a "Demonic Sex Magic Ritual"? It would be fun to take part in a Demonic Sex Magic Ritual. Unfortunately, this Fundy's understanding of masturbation is exclusively male. Do we womenfolk not get to take part in the Demonic Sex Magic Ritual? That's sad.
Your sperm was meant to produce children for God
Why, then, are so many sperm produced when only one can fertilize an egg? Surely releasing more than one sperm must then be the work of Satan? And what about all the sex that does not result in a successful pregnancy?
Deity made the physical....Deity made sex....Deity made the sex drive....Deity is all that exists....therefore, masturbation is good and holy and the only true sins are deliberate, malevolent, destructive actions for malevolent purposes.
To reject sex & pleasure is to reject the Divine....and THAT is a true blasphemy!
Can such things be over-indulged and misused, of course. However, these things aren't bad in themselves.
In fact, masturbation would be a great asset for people who actually are trying to abstain from actual sex. If you're a Catholic Priest, a Monastic, a Yogi, observing Lent or vowing to wait until your wedding night (if you belong to any of those paths), masturbation can be a godsend and these paths putting the kibosh on masturbation is insane.
Sorry sweetie, but I'm going to continue to use my WAHL Massager to reach the Promised Land and YOU CAN'T STOP ME!
and now a musical interlude....
My mother said
(Chorus)
lol
95% of people masturbate. The other 5% are liars .
Otherwise, enjoy your Blue Balls . And increased chance of Prostate Cancer, one of the biggest killers of men. >:D
@hedgehog
Use of Ivor Biggun (a.k.a. Doc Cox ). Your argument is valid . b^_^d
It is? Cool. I never seem to see any sex demons. Where are the succubi?
Masturbating is a lust of the flesh. You are doing it for a fleshy feeling.
Thank you, Captain Obvious. I can't imagine ever figuring that out for myself.
Says who?
You do know that hundreds of millions of sperms are shot out each time, right, and that only one make it to the egg? That's pretty ineffective, I'd say, if God cares for the sperms.
Fleshy feeling? Nah, they're neural feelings.
Do you also form spiritual soul ties to all (non-porn) stars when you watch and enjoy (non-porn) movies?
What about stimulating women?
SERVICE OUR HUSBANDS? If they want sex, they have to service us, asshole!
Your sperm was meant to produce children for God, not to go into a Napkin.
It's official, every sperm is sacred.
But since I've had a vasectomy all of my sperm stay in my scrotum. So I guess that means I can whack off all I like since they're not going into a napkin, right?
@ Psalmanazaar
Good idea! I going to go demand that my wife service me right now.
Okay, THAT didn't work. Ouch.
Your wife must have been talking to my wife.
Masturbation is a magic ritual? I AM THE GREATEST WIZARD OF ALL TIME!!!
There is a "wand" joke in there somewhere, just can't quite reach it
Blood sugar sucker fish
Blood sugar baby
Glorious euphoria
Blood sugar baby
Songwriters: KIEDIS, ANTHONY / BALZARY, MICHAEL / FRUSCIANTE, JOHN ANTHONY / SMITH, CHAD
IIRC, sex crime stats went down in the states when cable TV(and pron that wame with it) was installed. It was even measured county by county.
Demonic Sex Magic Rituals are therefore useful. That's why fundies don't like them : they prefer useless crap, as prayer or incantation.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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