[Said at the Florida public hearings on the state's new education standards (which include evolution, of course)]
"I brought these oranges down here today, and I was gonna eat them [...] but I know without a shadow of a doubt, this orange right here is the first cousin of somebody's pet cat. [...] and this orange here is no doubt the parent of somebody's pet dog. And I wonder, would you agree with me commissioner that these [oranges] are related to human beings? I've read, and I'm happy to report, that evolution supports my belief that these oranges are in fact related to human beings!"
[Watch the whole thing, it's a tour tard de force
63 comments
OK, I watched the video. Total bullshit, from start to finish. The only part I liked was when the Commissioner said to the idiot, "Sir, you time is up, take a seat."
Actually, this may have been a good thing...a perfect example of why teaching the ToE is necessary, to prevent this kind of laughable ignorance from flourishing.
I am sure Ellis intended his OTT conduct to show how stupid the ToE is, but methinks he accomplished exactly the opposite.
What the hell? This is just retarded. Someone should tell him that "yes" distantly he is related to the oranges...
Then watch as he starves himself to death... BWAHAHA!
Or smack him around the head for being some sort of retard.
I read the first eighth or so of the comments (in chronological order; click "View all *** comments" at the bottom), and I can't help but put this forward from bootrivet:
Personally, since I don't give it much thought dating my cousin, a couple thousand generations removed, I also don't have much of a problem eating my dog's cousin, several million generations removed.
Obviously this man is a bit more squeamish about ancestral cannibalism, but unfortunately, the white blood cells in his body are attacking and murdering his cousins a few hundred trillion times removed. I suppose original sin isn't such an absurd concept after all :P.
They probably get better than that. But I can't see how.
Biology (including evolution) is a secular subject that is to be taught in a secular school; the orange cretin's religious fantasies have no place in a secular setting.
If they get to teach creationism in Florida's public schools, then they need to mandate the teaching of evolution in Florida's churches.
Yes oranges can morph into human babies, in fact all foods can. So please stop eating.
The bacterium that you breath in could morph into a dog at any time, so please stop breathing.
You see, this is why I know for a fact that creationists display this ignorance consciously, deliberatly, and as a deeply-considered choice. Because if you were to show anybody a hypothesis that is clear absurd on the surface, such as "humans are related to oranges" they would say "What the hell?" and do the fucking research, which would result in an utterance along the lines of;
"Oh I see, all living things branch from the earliest living cells, the prokaryotes which existed 3.5 billion years ago and diversified into many of the forms of life we see on earth today, both animal and plant"
While the creationist will be content to respond with;
"ZOMG!!!!! REELY?????? THAT TEH STOOPID!!!!!????"
And return to torturing livestock for sexual gratification, or whatever it is that these troglodytes do for fun.
"Squeak squeak squeak squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak - squeak squeak squeak!" = "You owe me a new acorn."
(Go see "The Emperor's New Groove")
This makes a much sense as this post.
This guy is like a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed on crap. :)
Not an entirely perfect analogy - some mushrooms can be very tasty and quite good for you. Of course, there's always the ones that kill you horribly, send you into a berserker rage or just make you trip out :-P
Hic puer est stultissimus omnium!
Now I know why they find it difficult to "count" (votes at least) in Florida.
fundamentalists delenda est
Yes, we are related to them, but our common ancestor was over a billion years ago. You have a common ancestor with every human on earth less than 60,000 years ago- not much genetic variation there- and I'm willing to bet you'd have no problem frying one of your distant cousins for some misdemeanor.
If you want to get technical yes the orange seeds are very, very, very distant cousins of all of us. We share a common ancestor... going millions of years way back to when plants and animals split apart as separate kingdoms, ancestry probably split apart even before that. That doesn't disprove evolution.
As for eating them? Point? They're still oranges, not humans, so who cares? Besides that you're not killing anything when you eat an orange. The orange is fruit and is meant to get animals (yes that includes us) into eating it so they can swallow the seeds that are also in the orange and propagate the species.
we are related to oranges very distantly, we shared a common ancestor with them hundreds of thousands of years ago.
And oranges are *supposed* to be eaten, they are a method of seed-dispersal.
@anti-nonsense: Minor correction--it's more like about a billion and a half years since the split. I couldn't let this pass by, I'm sorry.
Other than that...yeah, we're related. We share something like 35% of our DNA with banana plants, for example. We're more closely related to jellyfish and mushrooms, in that order, but yeah. Fundie is full of fail, as usual.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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