"Their Jesus is a weak, pacifistic, lamb-holding wuss, the prototype Mister Rogers who preached nothing but love and peace and acceptance and tolerance (which leads one to wonder how He got Himself cruficied). Their God is a George Burns lookalike who would never condemn anyone to hell"
Actually, your (as in American) God is Morgan Freeman, a cool black fellow (in a white suit) who occasionally likes to imbue others with his powers (on condition that they never reveal what they are, and never interfere with the free will of others), because he's that kind of guy. And your Jesus is an equally cool dude who's laid back. As for what he'd think about what you say, DuckturdDumb:
But actually, God & Jesus are British, and I can prove it:
'God is British - because we never get any fucking earthquakes, tornadoes or hurricanes in Britain. And Jesus is British: he was born in Bethnal Green.'
-Al Murray (Pub Landlord)
...oh, and Jesus works for MI6 (seen here having just returned from being punished for our sins in North Korea):
Bond. Jesus Bond. 007, Licence to Smite.