Each morning, my wife and I go out on the deck, look up and say "You coming Lord?"
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Each morning, me and my wife walk out the front door and look up into the sky. Then we shout, are you coming back, Jesus? You've been gone long enough. We've been waiting for years. You little shit, you said "I'll be right back, I'm just going out for smokes". You lying bastard. It's your call, and Tom's passed out from drinking too much Jack. Fuck it, we're just going to divy up your chips.
"Each morning, my wife and I go out on the deck, look up and say 'You coming Lord?'"
Ahhh....oh....yeah...almost....almost...almost...and...*splooge* Ohhh yeaaaah....finished!
... and each morning, I hear a voice answer back, "A little privacy if you don't mind, Slave! And how many times do I have to tell you it's, 'Master' not 'Lord'? Speak when you're spoken to, or it's the ball gag for you again!"
Ignoring the obvious innuendo here...
How dare you question the LORD your God? He will come when He wants to, and it is not your place to know His mind. The nerve of some people...
They left off the last part!
"And the Klingon-impersonating accountant from next door always yells back, 'No! Why don't you Jesus Freaks just go on with life? Dor sho gha!'"
The last time your Lord came was about 2000 years ago, with Mary Magdalene, just before he went out to be a hero and take up some guy's cross, so he could "sacrifice" himself for you.
I can´t tell if it´s simply because I haven´t been to FSTDT in over a week, but almost every quote I´ve read so far has me LOLing. This one almost had me doubled over. Seriously, people have little morning rituals such as this?
And in the earth shattering silence that follows, a small, barely perceptable voice in the back of your mind whispers, "This is fucking stupid, why do I keep on doing this? There is nobody there to answer. There is just me and her. Hmmmm I wonder if I can talk her into a quick one......."
Listen to the little voice, it talks much sense.
Apparently they are waiting:
1. God giving them a colossal golden shower
ABKN: "You coming Lord?"
Into your wife maybe.
Each morning, my wife and I (when we manage to raise so early) go out on the balcony, look up in the sky, identify stars and planets, and are glad to live in such an overwhelming universe, without any need to fear ancient fairy-tales.
And the Lord replied, "Fuck you, you dumb shits and stop worshipping me!"
God herself doesn't respect those who beg and grovel.
And each morn, a thunderous voice replies form the heavens, "Leave me the fuck alone, or I'm calling the cops, you damn stalkers."
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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