Well, marriages are a lot more likely to survive if both people have a realistic idea of marriage (as in, what marriage is actually like and not just some dream come true fairy tale marriage you see in the movies), you don't live together before marriage, and you sort out issues that come up in marriage before you actually get married.
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We went through a book called "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married" and we talked about EVERYTHING and discussed EVERYTHING. If that doesn't give you a realistic idea of marriage, I don't know what does.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ok, now that I got that out of my system....on a personal note, I thought I wanted to be married to a certain someone....then we lived together, and I realized I'm just not cut out for marriage, let alone to him!
I'd like to say I hope the same thing doesn't happen to this twit when she marries this guy she's seeing, but I'm not that nice.
I find myself in the odd situation of having to stick up for JoJo a little. I think it would be best to live with someone before marriage, but since she is dead set against that, talking (seriously talking) to your future mate and reading (really reading good books on relationships) is a good idea. She might also want to talk to some long married couples, hopefully of diverse backgrounds (not all from her church).
I think it is good that she seems to realize that realistic expectations and not expecting a "fairy tale marriage" are important.
In many ways this post is much more than I have come to expect from JoJo.
Actually, I also have to support JoJo! on this one. I don't for a moment think that such a book is a complete substitute for actual experience, but it is an excellent way to augment that experience (preferably even before the "living together" part, under whatever circumstances, in case you find out things that make you want to get out NOW).
Presumably, the questions help you to uncover potential "deal breakers" to a lasting relationship; the hard part there is that you still have to be willing and able to be completely, 100%, brutally honest with yourself as well as your mate in exploring those issues -- something most humans have a lot of trouble doing when a love life is on the line. Further objective guidance, such as by a premarital counselor, can help the odds a little further.
But two conclusions remain: a book is NO substitute for actual "live with" (and "sleep with") experience, and there are NO guarantees no matter what.
~David D.G.
JoJo seems to think that reading books on sex and marriage makes you an expert on how to do both well and for a lifetime. I do research in a laboratory, and when I get some novice grad or resident in my lab, they may have read everything about what we do, but they only learn from hands on. It is always amazes them how little practical use they are until they have tried it themselves and found out that even the smallest mistakes create huge problems.
I'd wish her well, but her arrogance and ignorance preclude me from doing that.
I do agree with David, D.G...working things through honestly before marriage can prevent a world of grief.
I lived with my late husband for 2 years before we got married and I still didn't "know" him when we said our vows. We did talk about everything and discuss everything, but things come up that you can't predict and your response and theirs usually don't match (I'm talking things like one of you gets diagnosed with a brain tumor, not how many kids you will have).
No amount of reading, speculating, or guesstimating will be able to prepare you for some of the answers you'll have to face during a marriage.
Now, get off of your goddamned high horse, get your nose out of your stupid books, and get off your ass to live your life before it's too late!
While the posters here who stated their support for JoJo! make a good point, I respectfully have to disagree.
First of all, her other posts indicate just how little of a "realistic idea of marriage" she has.
Secondly, she thinks you can sort even a significant portion of the problems that arise out of living with someone without living with somone? That's just nuts.
Thirdly, she's under the impression that you can think of a significant portion of the issues that come up in marriage before you actually get married. That's extremely naive.
Good luck JoJo!, you're going to need it.
This JoJo! is simply too good to be true.
"we talked about EVERYTHING "
Well 1001 are a lot of questions, sure you talked about #783: "Lights on or lights off?" and also #961: "That thing your mate has between the legs, and how to use it."
Just curious...
How are you supposed to "sort out issues that come up in marriage BEFORE you actually get married"? Those issues don't come up until AFTER your married. What a twit. Hey JoJo - get a clue and when you've been married for 45 years like my parents have - please then come back and give us advice on marriage, until then just shut the fuck up!
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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